5 Signs To Foresee A Dismissive Avoidant Breakup When Dating

Nobody wants a dismissive avoidant breakup but how can you identify this would happen when you are dating a man? And how to deal with the pain of rejection when it happens? 

Is it worth approaching them for a closure? What can be done to salvage your relationship? 

I’m sure you have these thoughts racing through your mind, whether you’ve experienced such breakups or dated someone exhibiting such traits.

With my dating experience since 2017, I’m here to help you avoid dismissive avoidant breakups.

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My Experience

I have been dating since 2017 and because of my experience dating people from different walks of life, I was able to identify emotionally unavailable men and was able to notice the trend of lovebombing then ghosting, which is prevalent in the dating scene today.

People who abandon you abruptly in a relationship are those who cannot face their own mistakes and have difficulties communicating how they feel. 

That was a time when this guy I was dating kept saying that he becomes distant when there are arguments in a relationship and he has been identifying the root cause of the issue through therapy. However, when he was dating me, all I got from him was his fear and how he kept saying that he was afraid of hurting me. 

That is actually a clear sign that I would sign up for a dismissive avoidant breakup if I were to enter into a relationship with him. I put an end to it after a while, knowing it was not going to be a promising dating effort.

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5 Signs You Can Foresee A Dismissive Avoidant Breakup When Dating 

1. He Says He Might Hurt You

I am sure you have seen a lot of women saying that they have run into men who say they are afraid of hurting women. Women also get very confused when men who seem to be treating them very well always say that they are afraid of hurting them. 

You are not alone if you have Googled what it means if a guy says that he might hurt you. I have also dated another guy who kept saying sorry for no obvious reasons while he was dating me because probably he knew deep down that he was not ready for a relationship and he was afraid of communicating that to me. 

He ghosted me after that, even though we were communicating through video calls almost every day for a few months.

Although I was not in a relationship with him, it was extremely difficult to go through this period of sudden dismissive avoidant breakup.

Because it felt like a relationship although we have not exactly labeled it as a romantic relationship, there was a close bond created because of how we used to speak every single day.

2. He Does Not Share Difficult Emotions

If you notice a guy being close to you when he is in a happy mood but goes out of the radar when he is dealing with difficult emotions, you may be setting yourself up for dismissive avoidant breakup in the future if you were to get into a relationship with him.

It is true that you’re not supposed to be emotional dumping when you’re dating, whereby you are not supposed to be sharing your emotions with somebody new to the extent that they feel overwhelmed by your sharing. 

However, if this has been a pattern in your dating journey and things have not improved even after you have been dating for a few weeks, it is a sign that he is not willing to be vulnerable with you and invite you into his life to see him at his lowest point.

3. He Does Not Reveal His Intentions in Dating

Wishy washy guys do not reveal their intentions when dating you. If you do not want to run into a man who might treat you badly and set you up for a dismissive avoidant breakup, watch how he follows through with his words and clearly verbalizes his intention when you’re getting to know him in the dating process.

This is because if someone is not being clear with his words and his actions, he will not be taking responsibility for your emotions and he would immediately dismiss your claims if you were to confront him on the status of your relationship with him. He may even go to the extent of saying that he has not promised anything to you.

4. He Is A People Pleaser

Another trait that I have noticed in men who have this tendency to resort to a dismissive avoidant breakup is that they are people pleasers.

People pleasers also have difficulties confronting differences in opinions and therefore they go along the flow with the masses, until it really becomes unbearable for them to tolerate the difference.

As a result, when they want to exit a situation, they would rather avoid you and stop talking about the issue, hoping that you would understand and make a conclusion on your own.

5. He Has a Hard Time Integrating With People

On the other hand, you may also find people who have the tendency to choose dismissive avoidant breakup if they generally have a hard time integrating with people.

This is because people who are good in relationships and have kept lasting friendships in their lives are people who can mend differences in opinions and can get along with people in general by having strong boundaries. 

Because they cannot communicate well with people, they resort to abandoning people when they have difficulties in communicating differences in opinion. 

How To Deal With Dismissive Avoidant Breakup?

1. Take Time To Grieve

First of all, if you have been a victim of a bad breakup where you have been dismissed and your lover has avoided you without giving you a proper reason for the breakup, it would definitely hurt a lot. 

You may need to take a lot of time to grieve the end of the relationship. Also, healing is actually not linear, and therefore you might feel good today and see difficult emotions surfacing tomorrow. Understand that this is totally normal and do not beat yourself up for not having a perfect healing journey.

2. Don’t Seek For Closure

Although it is natural for you to try to understand why things happened the way they happened, you should try to eliminate the thoughts from clouding your mind gradually. It is not worth it for you to seek closure from this person by trying to contact them and understand why they did that to you.

3. Cut All Forms Of Communication With Them

If you’re still following them on social media, it is time for you to unfollow them and block them if it is necessary because this is going to be detrimental for your healing journey. The more you see them on social media, the more hurtful it is going to be for you.

4. Heal From The Pain Before Dating Again

It can be extremely scary to go back to the dating arena after you have been ghosted by your lover. However, it is crucial to heal completely from the pain before you try to date again so that you don’t bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

You need to believe that not all people are going to treat you in a similar manner and you should also believe in yourself that you will not pick someone who does not know how to communicate their emotions with you. Experience makes you wiser.

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FAQs

How does a dismissive avoidant feel after a breakup?

Dismissive avoidants feel relieved that the relationship ended, but they could be regretting the way that they have chosen to end things with you. As a result, they could circle back to you in order to explain what happened in the past so that you could forgive them.

Do dismissive avoidants ever regret breaking up?

Although avoidants may regret breaking up, they do not usually regret the decision to end things with you because ultimately that is what they wanted to do, but it is the way that they chose to end things with you that is making them feel guilty. 

Why do Avoidants break-up suddenly?

Avoidants abruptly end relationships due to a sense of helplessness or past experiences that have influenced their perception of events. If they have gone through difficult breakups in the past, they would want to avoid feeling the same way and therefore choose to end things abruptly with you so that they do not need to process the difficult emotions all over again.

Will a dismissive avoidant ever come back?

Dismissive avoidants come back because they feel regretful of the way they choose to end things with you, or maybe even because they have not found someone better for themselves and now they think that you are still the perfect match for them. However, you have become a better version of yourself at this point in time and therefore you should not entertain someone from the past who still has not grown from their experience.