Thappad: What does it take for a woman to be slapped by her husband?

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Thappad\' trailer: Taapsee Pannu delivers a hard hitting message of ...
Taapsee Pannu delivered a though-provoking message through Thappad!
Image credit: Times of India
As I have cleared some of the works I had to complete on my to-do list, I decided to take a break yesterday and watch a nice movie. I love watching movies that have social messages embedded in them and hence, I picked Ponmagal Vanthal, in which the female lead fights against sexual harrasment and violence against girls. While I think that the movie is definitely above average, I think the social message wasn\’t sent across strongly. The movie could have portrayed how girls and boys should be taught to differentiate the good and the bad touch, and how boys should be raised to respect women. These elements could have been incorporated in the film.
So, while I still have the 7-day free trial on Amazon Prime Video, I decided to stream some other good movies, and Thappad came on the recommended list. I am someone who needs to know the storyline before I watch any movie. The plot I read on Wikipedia made me so curious I started watching the movie immediately.
As I am writing this post, I am watching the movie and it will end in about ten minutes. I love the dialogue delivery and I think the movie is impactful because it is well-written. So, the title of the movie means \”slap\”, because the female lead who is homely, amicable and caring got hit real hard on the face in the midst of a family event as she was trying to calm her husband down in a heated argument with his bosses. She files for a divorce soon after, as her husband did not apologize for the incident and the families think problems \”bound to happen\”, so she was expected to move on and make peace with the husband and family. 
I had to pen my thoughts immediately as we, Malaysians, have recently seen the popular YouTuber SuguPavithra\’s incident where her husband hit and tried to harm with a sickle in a hospital compound and how an Associate Professor was murdered by her husband who strangled her to death using a head scarf.
My immediate thought when all these issues surfaced was why is it always the womenfolk who get abused by men, usually the husbands? While I agree that there might be issues in the family and even in the movie I just watched, the man was having an argument with his bosses and the wife came to calm him down, but she got hit and not the men.
I think we all get angry and furious and it is alright to vent our frustrations out but why is it always women on the receiving end of the frustrations? Men don\’t slap men in arguments. Women don\’t do that either in most cases. 
In the current world, girls are given equal opportunity in terms of education and women now are working and having careers of their own more than ever before. We are free to choose our field of study, and the career path we think fits our life the best. We may get into heated up arguments with our parents but we do not get abused by the men in our households. So, why should women tolerate abusive partners and get hit once they are married and really, what does it take for women to be slapped by their husbands? What makes it absolutely necessary for a grown man to think that he has to hit his wife when her parents and siblings have not done that to her all her life? And why do families still wipe the whole incident under the carpet, and often say that they should move on, like in the movie Thappad?
I think we all don\’t even think of asking our partners if they slap or abuse others when they get angry because, come on, what a silly question that is! We assume that our partners would not do that until it actually happens and we let the reality sink in. While I think divorce shouldn\’t be the only solution to problems couples face, and that it is okay to give a chance for the one at the wrong end to repent, I feel that there should be a clear stand point made so that the victim does not get abused again.
What do you think about this post? I welcome your thoughts and views!
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The Montreal Massacre 1989: Another Reason Why We Need Feminism

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The victims of Montreal Massacre 1989
On December 6 1989, a shooter attacked 14 victims and killed 14 other female students in the École Polytechnique. The attacker\’s entrance application to the institution was turned down and he believed the female students occupying the class was the reason behind it. 
25 years later, today, our communities are still plagued by gender violence. We have not witnessed any promising improvements on reducing gender violence and efforts taken by activists and advocates have not been truly welcomed evenly by people around the globe for the effect to take place. 
Although female students in higher education institutions have outnumbered the male students, women still see the need to compete for jobs and opportunities once they step out of college. Our voices aren\’t heard because the society has painted an evil image of feminism over the time that nobody thinks women\’s problems are problems in the first place. 
Ironically, like the shooter in the incident of Montreal Massacre, we have more men thinking that feminists are the root cause of the problems they have today and sadly, their opinions are greatly echoed by the society. 
Women are losing the strength to even voice out because doing so would always backfire them. Calling oneself a feminist has never been a pleasant experience and as long as we see ourselves remaining silent and not breaking this norm, we will not actually embrace real change. 
Let us all stay united in fighting social injustice while remembering women who lost their lives to gender violence. 

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I Have A Dream And I Want To Live It

You and I, we all have dreams. We all want to live the life according to our own ways. We refuse to have our rights ripped off right in front of our very own eyes. We all want our freedom. We want the need to be respected for who we are and the choices we make. What happens when someone tries to snatch these needs away from us? We\’d definitely refuse to budge and fight back to retain our dreams. 
Unfortunately, the world is made of some people who think that they don\’t just own the rights to decide their own lives, but also the lives of others. This young lady\’s dream was shattered by a man who thought he owns the right to decide how a girl\’s life should be. This incident happened in New Dehli; one of the largest cities in India. 
Acid Attack Fighter Laxmi
Acid Attack Fighter Laxmi

This is Laxmi, the Acid Attack Fighter, and this is her story. (quoted from her Facebook page)

My name is Laxmi. Read my story. I\’m one of you. In fact, I am like you. I was young and beautiful and I had a dream. Even when I was studying in a Delhi school in Class VII, I would spend hours singing. I\’d recorded my songs and sent them to talent hunt competitions. I was waiting for a call from \’Indian Idol\’.
I\’m from a poor family. My father worked as a chef in a South Delhi home. I became friends with another girl in the neighbourhood and her brother soon started proposing to me. I was only 15 and he, 32 years old. On April 18, he messaged me: \”I love you.\’\’ I ignored it, but the next day he messaged again: \”I want an instant reply.\’\’ Again I didn\’t respond.
I kept screaming for help but no one stepped forth. Everyone ran in the opposite direction. I could feel my flesh burning and I covered my eyes with my arms. That reflex action saved me from losing my vision.
Acid corrodes quickly. Within a few seconds, I had lost my face, my ear had melted and both my arms were charred black. A politician\’s driver took me to a hospital, where I was to stay for the next 10 weeks.
I saw myself in the mirror at the end of 10 weeks and couldn\’t believe what the acid had done to me. The doctors had to remove the entire skin from my face and keep it bandaged. I\’ve already had seven surgeries and need at least four more before I can go in for plastic surgery, provided I can afford it.
I learnt to live with the physical pain but what hurt more was the way the society reacted. My own relatives stopped seeing me, as did my friends. I stayed indoors for eight years and ventured out only in a ghungat.
My main attacker was out on bail within a month and he soon got married. He returned to a normal life within a month, but what about me? Nobody even wants to be my friend; how can I even hope that I\’ll have a lover or a husband?
I tried to pick up a job but nobody was willing to hire me. Some said: \”People will get scared if they see you.\” Others said they will call back but, of course, the phone never rang. I tried BPOs, banks and beauty parlours but all I got was rejection. Nobody wants to hire acid victims because of the way they look.
But I ask you, is it our fault? Society accepts those born blind or those who are physically challenged. Why are we shunned? If you ask me, we are worse off than rape victims because with our faces burnt, we seem to have lost our identity.
I still sing. I love music. I love partying. I love nail polish. I design and tailor my own clothes. I have desires like you do, but I seem to scare off people.
The only support I got was from my parents, my doctor, my lawyer Aparna Bhatt and from the couple at whose house my father worked. They paid for my surgeries and are still in touch with me.
Even while my parents were coping with the attack, my brother came down with tuberculosis and my father died. I was shattered for the second time.
In the instant that my father died, I had to carry the burden of being the bread earner for the family. My mother has to constantly be by my brother\’s side and feels really upset that she cannot spend time with me.
I gathered myself together and pursued my case in court. My lawyer had filed a petition in the Supreme Court, asking for a ban on the sale of acid.
Slowly, I started getting in touch with other victims, most of who are blinded or have lost their hearing. Each one of us is poor and cannot afford multiple surgeries.
You can\’t bear to look at us but we don\’t have the money to buy ourselves new faces. My friends – yes, I\’ve made new friends and they are all acid victims – are mostly blind.
You stare at us and gather your children in a hurry, hoping they haven\’t got scared just looking at us. Why don\’t you tie a band around your eyes and see how dark it gets.
That\’s how dark our world is.
I hope you never have to inhabit it, but I do hope you understand it. Don\’t give me the strength if you can\’t, but don\’t try and break my confidence. I\’ve just learnt to move on.
I started an online petition and was happy when 27,000 people signed it. I went to the home ministry to submit it to Sushil Kumar Shinde. We waited for three hours but he didn\’t have even five minutes for us. I had to finally ambush his car to hand over the petition.
Nahim Khan, the man who had attacked me with acid, had to go back to jail after the court awarded him a seven-year sentence. He will be free in two years and continue with life. But my scars will remain forever..
My legal fight will continue. The Supreme Court has ordered states to pay Rs. 3 lakh as compensation, but what about our medical costs – some of us need to undergo 30-40 surgeries? What about jobs? How about sensitising the police force and trials in fast-track courts?
Even countries like Bangladesh have implemented stringent laws to deal with acid crimes but India has resisted it for so long. So many could have been saved. I need your help. We need the government to compensate us too. What about so many of us who are still suffering. Should the law not be with retrospective effect?
I have a dream and I want to live it.

   
Today, Laxmi continues to fight for women\’s rights and campaigns against Acid Attacks in India where the poor regulations of acid sales contribute to rising number of acid attacks. Laxmi was one of the recipients of the International Women of Courage 2014 award. 

Being a female in a male-dominated society has made survival harder. When something goes wrong to the girl, the society talks about her appearance, her behaviour, her dressing sense and everything else she does but nobody investigates on the actual cause of the incident. What women can do to protect herself is actually very limited when the she has no control over how the others (men) behave at large. We are taught to uphold modesty at all times but what\’s the point of women minding their behavior alone when members of the opposite sex remain assholes all the time? 
Domestic violence takes place at every corner of the world, in different forms. Probably the differences in cultures across the world result in the variations of social issues we all encounter today. But what\’s certain is the fact that we all understand what is it is like to have our rights violated, despite the cultural and language barriers. Watch this explanatory video.
I too, have a dream To make a change in the society we are all living in today. I do know that there are numerous challenges to face in order to be who I really am. It\’s my dream and I want to live it. What\’s yours?

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\’Breast Ironing\’ In Cameroon To Avoid Rape and Delay Puberty

Mothers ‘iron’ daughters breasts to delay puberty and prevent rape

We all know that every society deals with its own issues of discrimination against women. We have societies dealing with rape in night clubs, child bride issues, the \’dowry\’ or \’wedding gift\’ custom, birth control and abortions. But in Cameroon, little girls go through hell in the name \’protection\’ by their very own mothers.

Rape and child pregnancies are very common in Cameroon and mothers over there decide to iron their girls\’ breasts to delay puberty and prevent rape. So, flat breast don\’t attract men! Meh! It is a new tradition due to sexual violence in Cameroon where girls will be forced to get their breasts ironed as early as 11. They would simply grab any objects, heat them up and press it on the girls\’ breasts. These girls cry so hard but all their mothers say is that it is for their \’own good\’. Good? So, has the rape cases drop over the years? 

What happens to these girls as they grow up is horrifying as they develop diseases due to this practice. Some have cysts, some have infections and some have their breast looking extremely bad and non-symmetrical. The psychological disorder these girls develop is even worse. They grow up to feel bad about their appearance and the trauma remains in their heart, forever!

There a now a group of women activist with more than 10,000 members are now fighting for the younger generation and the campaign is showing positive results as the percentage of women affected by this practice has dropped to 12 from 25% in 2006.

It is obvious that we all should stay united in fighting for the rights of women and any form of injustice. Are you girls aware of what\’s going on around the world? Do they know how to protect themselves from men who sweet-talk? Do you teach them to become women who knows their worth? 
Do your part today. Let\’s do not let another generation of women to define their worth based on their looks or approval from men. 

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The Rise Of Plus Size Models

The Rise of Plus Size Models Is A Good Sign For Women
A few weeks back I came across a blog post from one of the modelling companies about plus size models. It was recruiting plus size models back then and I got the chance to learn more about \’\’plus size models\’\’. The term was a whole new idea to me. I have never heard of a modelling company looking for women who are big.
Plus-size model is a term applied to a person who is engaged primarily in modeling plus-size clothing. They also engage in advertising photography for cosmetics and pharmaceutical products. The rise of the plus size models is a good sign of change in the way the society thinks and embraces people in general. 
The society in the previous years has defined beauty in a crude way. A woman has to be as thin as possible to be even \’considered\’ beautiful. We teach kids to think that way and they end up being so conscious about their weight instead of focusing on their health. Where do you think illnesses like bulimia and anorexia came from? The society puts pressure on young girls with their definition of beauty. We have been giving so much emphasis on people\’s physical appearance. We are so quick to judge someone by thinking that people who are obese just do not care about their health. 
In reality, your weight and health have very little to do with each other. You can be big and still healthier than a skinny person. You can also be big and unfit. Your health depends on your life style and it doesn\’t depend on your size. 
I\’m happy to see little progress in the society we are living in right now and I think we are outliving the generation that has a very shallow understanding of beauty. With the rise of plus size models, we will have more women accepting themselves for who they are. The qualities one should have to become a model have been revamped and the definition of beauty is now not just entitled to extremely thin models who look \’unhealthy\’ most of the time but also to women with real curves and realistic bodies that come in all sizes. 

Over the time, the confidence level and how good a person is will be the new yardstick to measure the real beauty! We are progressively redefining beauty and we can be certain of that !

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Feminist Rating On Movies?

Image from http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02725/potter_2725991b.jpg

This might be an old news for some of you. I think this rating was introduced in Sweden somewhere in the month of November last year. This new rating for movies based on the level of gender bias was introduced in the cinemas as an effort to encourage more female characters and stories emphasizing women. 
The rating is carried out using the Bechdel test and for a movie to get an \”A\” rating, it should have at least two women characters talking to each other about any topics or issues other than men. I have read a few articles on feminist rating to get a clearer idea on how this rating system is being implemented and I only manage to get one clue and that is for the movie to get an \”A\” rating, it must have at least two named female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.
Taking this new rating system into consideration, many box office movies fail this test and that\’s including the Harry Porter films. If you have a look at the comments on articles on this news, you will be able to see many, MANY men who disagree with this rating system as they feel that this is just another bullshit from the feminism movement, thus calling feminists feminazis! 
I think the purpose of this system is good but the mechanism to implement it has flaws. It has a very vague guideline and will not assure the elimination of sexual violence at any cost simply by ensuring movies having more than two female characters discussing about anything other than men. The aim of this new rating system is simply to promote gender equality among the society and I believe it has to start from the media which is a great influence on people. I do agree that movies traditionally do not emphasize on female roles and if you look at movies from the East or Bollywood productions, female characters are not given importance most of the time. Although there are some very good movies based on women, they do not get to be in the spotlight. 
The main issue about our movies and the media is that the film and advertising industries have been bias and the public has been getting wrong perceptions about gender equality all these while! Take a look at this advertisement below. 
I applaud the effort taken by Sweden to handle the way media portrays women in the eye of public. But, it could have revised the way the system works to ensure better results without compromising the quality of movies being produced. I hope it doesn\’t kill good movies with unnecessary bad ratings.
While reading some comments from readers about Sweden, I got to know that men are not allowed pee while standing in Sweden\’s country council\’s public restrooms. I guess we should always look at the bigger picture. As long as they know how to aim, it doesn\’t matter how they pee. What do you say?

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This Attack On Non-Fiction Book Is Maddening!!!

I received an e-mail a few days ago notifying me that I\’ve received a comment for my Goodreads book review. I clicked on the link to see who has responded to my review for \”Heroin of the Desert\” by Donya Al-Nahi.

This was an old book I bought nearly 5 years ago. I gave this book a 4 star. It\’s about a woman who help saves kids and reunite them with their mothers. Donya helps non-Arabic mothers who are separated from their husbands after divorce in getting back their kids.

It is a common scenario in the Middle East where the children are being separated from their mothers (especially from Western ladies who got married to Middle Eastern men). I have read a similar story from Carmen Bin Laden who was married to one of the men from Bin Laden\’s family and struggled very hard to get her two daughters back.

Getting back to the comment I received, I saw someone leaving negative review about the book and urging everyone single person who reviewed the book to read the news that appeared in this link. I tried to check the person\’s profile page and it appeared to be that he or she has never reviewed any other books before this.

When someone questioned the credibility of the news, this person started arguing. I noticed that this profile doesn\’t exist on Goodreads today too.

U_25x33
Henry Hoel oh so you kno donya personally I\’m guessing. is that right? so you would kno about all the poor mothers she ripped off right? click the links. all the mothers are there with their stores on how donya al nahi ripped them off! lied to them and stole their money !!

Being an avid Middle East story fan, I could relate to this kind of attack on books where the author reveals stories about people being mistreated. My favourite writer in this genre is Jean Sasson and you can read about how her books are being greatly boycotted by anonymous people all over the world.

A quote from Jean Sasson from her website.

For anyone who is considering writing a book, you might want to read my personal account of what it is like to be stalked, and, for that stalker to find attorneys willing to file a frivolous lawsuit. — Jean

It is pretty intimidating to write and expose crimes but I guess that\’s what makes life worth living! Living for a cause.
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#freebleeding ?

I\’m not sure how many of you have heard of this new trend of using hashtags with #freebleeding on Twitter and other social media but when I first heard of it, I thought it was so disgusting and probably modern-day feminism has gone wild and insensible.
Researching a little bit more about this new hoax, apparently in February 2014, free bleeding was promoted by members of 4chan as a prank to convince women that feminine hygiene products were a form of patriarchal oppression.
Women get a little bit emotional when it comes to any news about oppression against women. I think that\’s the reason behind women tweeting and making #freebleeding so popular in February 2014. Look at these tweets on Twitter for yourselves. 

Simply reading the comments below on this article, I can see the \’concern\’ some women have about mensus and free-bleeding. If you are a man and reading this post, do you feel \’uncomfortable\’ when you partner is having mensus? Does it even feel disgusting? What about women being \’untouchable\’ during mensus? While some women prefer not having sex when they are bleeding, the society, from earlier days has made things worse for women by painting a negative image about menstruation. 
The use of sanitary pads is definitely to help woman stay clean. Walking around with menstruation blood flowing all around your house and the public places is just not a wise act. The real challenge lies in educating the society to accept the way a female body functions. 
The real challenge lies in teaching your kids about quality and respecting both sexes. How do you go about dealing with sexual education with kids? 

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Paint My Private Part Pink

My New Pink Button

I would like to thank Amy Mah Vampire from Glipho for her post regarding this earlier. 
So, we had dyes for hair, lipsticks to enhance the ladies\’ lips, tattoos to decorate our skin, fake eyelashes, plastic surgeries, and the list goes on! The human race has invented magnificent stuff since the beginning of time. Some were really beneficial like the planes, bulb and fax machines. In this effort, we also tried reinventing the human race by discarding originality. 
My New Pink Button is a new cosmetic product for ladies who are disturbed with their labia losing its pink colour over time and makes it to look pale and not pink anymore. When I was reading an article related to this new product, I got to know that people from Asia used to bleach their private part as the ladies there have darker groin. 
I\’m sure some of you are wondering what colour is your private part right now and you may even want to check it out right now! But seriously, even if it is not pink or red or whatever colour your labia comes when you were born, does it REALLY matter? 
I can\’t still get it why they don\’t have similar products to keep penis pink and enhance its colour. The one who invented this product is a lady who was disturbed by the fact that her labia lost the pink colour. She then started to look for a solution and found out that many other women are seeking a similar solution. She came up with this product as a solution to the issue. 
What baffles me is the fact that women think ill of themselves too often and they continue believing myths about staying young and youthful all the time. Women seem to be contributing towards the way this society is treating them because they carve the path for it eventually by allowing people to judge them solely based on their appearance. 
What about growing old gracefully? If men are sensible, they will know that both men and women grow old. When aging takes place, we all lose our beauty and youthful look. Living a fake life doesn\’t just end there. When someone seeks a fake physical appearance, it will not take long before they adopt fake personalities. 

Gaining happiness with products that satisfies us is a good thing but it shouldn\’t be done by faking our body and perception. After all, if you truly think your partner loves your heart more than the way you look, the colour of your labia shouldn\’t be an issue here.

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Funraising For Breast Cancer Awareness?

And Save Your Common Sense Along!

I bet you noticed the \’\’typo\’\’ on my title. But you are wrong unfortunately! Read on!

I just realised that it is the breast cancer awareness month they have yearly! Thank you to Joker from Glipho (a brand new blogging platform, if you haven\’t check it out, please do so!!) as his post indirectly made me aware that the this month is all about the pink ribbon. Well, Joker\’s post with the title \”Every Woman On The Planet Needs To Read This!\” was also very informative. That\’s when I knew some ugly truth behind the Susan G. Komen foundation. We will get back to this at the later part of my post.

I knew that breast cancer awareness is a serious issue and it has to be given a lot of serious focus as MANY women out there still do not know how to check if they have lumps on their breast or even go for annual mammogram. The lack of seriousness and vigilance are the main reasons why breast cancer take the lives of women away! 
I never really had the urge to write a post on this until… I found something on Facebook and I knew I had to write something about it. Watch this video below! 
Even if you don\’t want to watch it is fine because they are using this video to gain more \’\’donation\’\’. So the more people watch this, the more views they will earn!!

This got to be the most awful method of fundraising I have ever seen or heard off in my life! What is the whole fuss about, if you ask, this \’\’funraising\’\’ campaign was started by a YouTube channel, Simple Pickup. They think they should incorporate some \’\’fun\’\’ while fundraising because apparently \’\’we all love boobs\’\’. What they do is to go to some random women ask if they could \’\’motorboat\’\’ them (which is to stick their faces in a pair of boobs and then simulate a seizure) and promised to donate $20 for every pair of boobs they got up on.

They managed to get about $2080 and they planned to donate $100 for every hundred thousand views they get on the video.

Okay so you may say that this is just the fun way of doing things and the women gave their consent to motorboat them so what\’s the fuss now right? Wrong!! I do have a problem with this.

If people can do anything they want in the name of fundraising(or funraising), will the allow funraisers to dare people go naked on the street and taaa.. daaaa.. you get $100? After all, it is teh fun way of doing things. So can we expect this in the future?

If people can do anything as long as they give absolute consent for what is being asked for in a campaign, then they should have the rights to do what they feel like doing in the public too. Why must we show so much objection towards the Femen movement? They walk or march naked on streets for a good cause too, which is to fight for equality and feminism. They have their own reasons too and nobody is forcing anyone to go nude.

If people\’s voice and consent matter as a whole in a group of fundraisers or campaigners, then their personal voice should matter too. After, we are living in a world where every country is trying to become the champion of human rights, right? So, if I feel like having a nude walk today out there in the street, that will be and should be completely acceptable!!

If you say, \’\’hey, at least they get some money and raised the level of awareness\’\’, wait a minute!!

Money? Okay, so coming back to the post that Joker has shared on his blog, Susan G. Komen foundation is supposed to be helping the pink ribbon month and raising donation for breast cancer! But guess what we found? Not every campaign has 100% transparency! Nancy Brinker is letting the foundation suffer economically while she making about a million dollars every year. The foundation has failed to continue a few campaigns initially planned for the year 2014 too.

So, the real question is, where is the money going?

And raising the level of awareness? How on earth do you think this video above is going to be educational is any way, for women or the public to get their check up for breast cancer done?I just feel that this \’\’campaign\’\’ is just another marketing method to promote whatever hell they are running on the internet. Well, if the YouTube video gets more views, then they will eventually get more money via AdSense too! Of course, they can\’t say, \’\’hey,can I motorboat you and I will \’donate\’ $100 for Simple Pickup?\’\’ or simply \’\’hey, can you donate some money for our site?\”. These marketing method have been failing over the years.

Now, the real question is, how can they ever sexualise breast cancer? Is it something they can play around with? Or take advantage of? If fun is the main underlying reason why this campaign is even taking place, then women love your balls too guys!! I would love to see if they are ever going to come up with similar campaign where women get to fiddle around with their balls too at public! After all, it is for a noble cause! I have also read about arguments on this issue where some say they should have been doing this too men as even men get breast cancer. And how come we don\’t see old grandmothers here?

If breast cancer awareness is really important to them, people would just donate whatever amount they could if they approach them genuinely! If you think you should donate, you will somehow donate without any \’\’perks\’\’.

While looking up for information about this, I found that it is just not me, but there is another website ranting on the same video. Here is the link.

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