“I thought I ditched him confidently, but I am back to him” – how many of you have actually said this to your friends and listened to your friends consoling you and advising you again to leave him but failed to do so?
This post is entirely inspired by my Holy Basil plant that I discovered in my garden – scroll to the Conclusion section to read what happened! And I hope that inspires you, too!
Being single for a long time and not having someone to share your life with can be something extremely challenging, and even if you know that this person is not good for you, you tend to stick with them for some time, thinking that you will find your person soon and that this is gonna end soon.
I, finally, finally was able to not be in touch with anyone toxic after a very long time, and I’m writing this with a sense of relief in my heart that I have lost the attachment towards people who are not good for me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Not everyone you come across in your dating journey is going to be someone toxic.
I am not saying that you are not supposed to be friends with anyone or that you’re not supposed to be talking to anyone if they are not ready for commitment or even if they are but if you find them to be not the right match for you.
But you do know, right, that feeling where you know this is not gonna work out, but once in a while, you get in touch with each other, and you start calling each other or even meeting up and casually exchanging what’s happening in your lives.
And then, you tend to feel that this is not the right thing for you, and you feel guilty for being in touch with this person, and you decide not to talk to this person. You hide your social media stories from this person and mute their calls.
After a month or so, maybe it is Valentine’s Day, maybe it’s just Friday night, and you said that you do not have anyone to hang around with, and you unmute your calls and allow them to snoop around on Instagram stories. And the cycle goes on and again.
I will share how I ditched him confidently! And I hope this post inspires you too. Get in touch with me on social media, if you find this post useful.
Read Situationship Vs Friends With Benefits
Hi, I’m Jasveena! Blogging since 2013, I share tips & stories about navigating relationships and finding meaningful connections. Read more about me.
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My Experience
Why do I even need him? I have questioned a lot of things about the connection that did not serve me better in life before I ditched him confidently.
I don’t even need him after, and in fact, I’ve only met him a couple of times in these six years. So, why did I think that I could not do life without him?
It’s basically the fear of having an empty life without someone you could romantically link to. It’s been a long time since I’ve been single, and I think sometimes it’s the fear of being single for many more months or years to come that keeps us stuck with the wrong person.
Imagine you are 35 and single, you are living alone, and you do not have anyone to talk to at the end of every single day. When something distrustful happens, I tend to look for someone to talk to, and when my friends are busy, I would immediately reach out to this person to just share my stories with.
Even the level of enthusiasm that I had towards this person, even when it came to just sharing details about my mundane routines, was not reciprocated by this person.
So, I naturally felt that I needed him more than he ever needed me. It was always a one-way kind of connection. And I never wanted to feel this way.
So, after many, many years, I ditched him confidently, and I’m finally able to fully focus on my career and my financial goals and so many other life goals that I’ve abandoned in the past.
This was completely possible because I have energetically cut off the cord with this guy and the dependency that came with it.
The Issues With Situationships
- You Don’t Want To Miss Out On Intimacy In Life
There are many things that keep us stuck in situationships. One of them is the fact that we feel sorry for ourselves for not being able to fully enjoy an intimate relationship with someone.
You know that you are attracted to this person, and you also know that this person is attracted to you. You think that there is some level of connection between the both of you.
You feel that you are two consenting adults that know the consequences of your actions, and you think that it is okay to explore this connection for whatever reasons that you think it is right for.
- You Want The Temporary Comfort
Apart from that, you also enjoy the temporary Comfort this connection brings to you. It often feels that you have someone with you, journeying through life together with you.
However, it also comes with a lot of heartache and uncertainty, especially when this person is not exactly able to help you out when you are distressed in life.
You know that you cannot reach out to this person to call them out of the blue or to expect them to turn up in front of your doorstep when you need them. And that frustrates you. because it feels like you have somebody, but this person is not fully available for you.
- But They Don’t Respect You
The problem comes when they don’t respect you. This fact is possibly the worst but most common trait of a situationship.
I say this because most men out there are not going to be sensitive to your emotions, especially when they know that you’re not the one that they are looking for.
Or even if they are not looking for a relationship, they don’t really think that it is important to invest in someone’s emotions when there is no need for it.
You are there if they need you. You are there when they need you. However, when you need them, you can’t really count on them. Possibly, a few text messages here and there is essentially breadcrumbing you.
They care for their own pleasure more than they respect your own. This is especially true when it comes to physical intimacy.
- You Feel Like Begging For Attention
Things become more frustrating because you feel like you are being used by them. Sometimes, you feel that you allowed this situation to transpire. You feel frustrated with yourself more than anything else. This feels like you’re begging for attention. This encouraged me before I ditched him confidently.
This is when things start to become extremely toxic for you because you start to feel that it is not something you are comfortable with.
You do not want to have friends who are not generous with their attention and time. So, why would you entertain someone like this or choose to keep them around? I mean, ask yourself, if your friends are ignoring you for whatever reason, will you still be sticking around with them?
You will have your ego really high when it comes to other forms of relationships. But why are you begging for attention from possibly a stranger that you don’t even know that much?
- You See Them Treating Other Women Better
This is something ultimately very painful to go through because when you see them treating other women better, that makes you really wake up from whatever shit that you are going through.
If you see them committing to someone else, that goes to show that they are capable of treating people respectfully. Sure, they could be putting up a drama over there with this lady, but again, even if it is a drama, it really goes to show that they know that women deserve respectful treatment.
How I Ditched Him Confidently?
So, after all these years, I am finally able to do that. I ditched him confidently, and it’s been more than a month now, and I actually don’t even think about him, and I’m wondering if this person ever existed in my life.
I will tell you how I made that happen but fair warning up front, I actually tried doing this many times and I feel and I would say that it actually takes some time for you to fully be able to let go shit that you are going to.
This is especially true when you have not learned the lesson that you are meant to learn from this phase of your life.
- Decide That You Want Something Worthwhile For Yourself
You name it; I have tried manifestation, I have done solved meditation, I have repeated affirmations day and night from the bottom of my heart. Then, I actually stopped saying these affirmations out loud, thinking that they were not working.
But, you know what? Right now, after many years, I think that it is those little decisions or thoughts that you had in your mind that you want to end it, and you deserve something better is the one that paved the way for you to finally do it when the time is right.
You will actually go back and forth in this journey of trying to let go and embrace something bigger in life. For example, you might decide to let somebody go today, and you may get back to the next month and you may repeat this pattern many times.
But have you noticed that each time you let go and each time you potentially get in touch with this toxic person, you actually become a slightly better person?
For example, maybe the first time you let this person go, you cried the whole day and complained to your friends about it. Maybe the first time you got to know this person, you were completely obsessed about them.
But now, you don’t even talk about this person to your friends. When you try to let this person go, it doesn’t hurt that much as compared to how much it hurt you in the past.
With each cycle, it actually gets better, and all I’m saying is that the affirmations and the decisions that I made many years ago that I want a better life for myself were the seeds that I planted in my mind.
- Disappoint Yourself Over and Over Again
You’ve got to disappoint yourself over and over again. Have you ever noticed that sometimes letting someone go can be super easy and sometimes, with another person, it is so damn difficult?
You have possibly come across many people in your life, but not everyone is someone hard for you to let go of.
Situationships are harder to let go of because you have formed a false sense of connection with someone.
So, naturally, it is going to be a hard time letting go. I would definitely say that sometimes, when you disappoint yourself over and over again, and you just hit rock bottom, you feel like enough is enough.
I think that this is the point of transformation in anyone’s life: to let go of any situation that is not serving them right. That is how you would ditch him confidently.
- Embrace The Unknown
The biggest fear when it comes to letting him go of people is the fear of not finding someone quick enough to replace the person. You would be wondering how long more you have to wait for the right person to come into your life.
But you need to reach a point where you are just totally fed up with the fact that you are getting a very bare minimum attention from someone, and you have to outgrow the person that you were in the past that needed this attention. That is how I ditched him confidently.
You will then step into a phase where you know exactly what you do not want in life, and you also know that life has a lot of surprises for you, and somehow, you will be okay whether or not you get what you want in life.
I used to obsess about making things happen, and I was relentlessly swiping left and right on dating apps, just trying to make things work. However, now I do not try to solve the puzzle. I do not even try to think about what to do if I don’t find someone or even about egg freezing, etc.
I was trying to solve the puzzle last year when I was 35 and single and thinking that I needed to start taking plan B seriously. My plan B was to freeze eggs, looking to adoption or even becoming a single mom by choice through donors sperm.
I gave myself a few months to think about this, and I concluded that I actually needed a partner and not children. Therefore, I knew for a fact that if I had children on my own, I would still have the desire to have a partner.
Read this post if you need to decide if you actually want to have children.
- Ditch The Excitement Brought About By Breadcrumbs
It has been more than a month since I last got in touch with that guy, and I actually just went to check his WhatsApp, and I noticed that he has a new picture on his profile, and honestly, I don’t even feel anything for this guy anymore.
I feel indifferent.
I feel like this is just like your colleague from an old office that you probably just got in touch with once a year or so. Like someone you don’t even realize exists in your contact list. I feel that way now towards this person. That is how I ditched him confidently.
Conclusion
That is how I ditched him confidently. In fact, I can now recall a moment in my life a few years ago when I actually bought a pretty dress to celebrate ditching him but then got back to him after some time! 🤦🏽♀
If you are struggling to let go of someone and you think that you cannot live without this person, all I want you to know is that the day will come when this person wouldn’t even mean a thing to you.
A day would come, and on this day, you would be so obsessed with your to-do list that your day is just fantastic. It starts with a perfect morning routine that you have always wanted to have for yourself, you are crushing your goals, and your debts are paid off, and suddenly, you are fine not having a situationship to share your day-to-day details with.
That day may not be today, and that is okay. But, as long as you keep reminding yourself that you want to set yourself free from the emotional entanglement of a situationship, it acts like a seed that is being planted in your mind, and one day, you will see it bearing fruit.
I have a real-life incident that I want to share with you. This happened a few days ago when I was cleaning my tiny garden on my balcony. I was trimming the plants, and I noticed that my basil plant has Holy Basil in it !!
I was stunned for a moment, and I took a picture of it, wondering how this plant got in there. Then, I remembered. I tried to plant Holy basil, along with the normal basil plant in the pot a few times, but the plant did not survive. The last time I tried was probably some two years ago.
I was stunned to see the Holy Basil in it after two years, at least. It goes to show that everything needs patience in life, and when the time is right, you will see the outcome of whatever you “planted”. So, plant good intentions in your mind. You, too, will ditch him like I ditched him confidently.
