All my friends are getting married and I am feeling left out!
Are you 30 plus and feeling lonely as you are finding your social circle shrinking?
Getting triggered every time you receive a wedding invitation from friends or even much younger pals?
There were times when you had friends, siblings, and cousins to hang around with. Year by year, the circle gets smaller as everyone seems like zooming off ahead of you! You need them more than they need you now as they are moving on to the next phase of their lives. And you are stuck with your unmet expectations, remaining fixated at a point that doesn’t seem to be moving anytime soon.
You may have had the energy to gather to attend a few of your friends’ weddings and plaster a wide-ass smile, feeling happy for them, but also feeling terribly bad for yourself, and now arrived at a junction where you are on the verge of deciding how to navigate life that seems all very lonely ahead of you and how to react when you feel why is everyone getting married.
The good news is, actually, you’re not alone! There are way more than single people who are having this issue in mind as you are reading this post, and that includes me!
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully and also when next time you are torn between wanting to attend a wedding and turning down the invitation, you can decide better to teach your mind to react differently.
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- You In The Past & How You Felt
- You Now & Your Feelings
- You In The Future & Your Feelings
- All My Friends Are Getting Married! So What?
- How Do You Cope When All Your Friends Are Getting Married?
- All My Friends Are Getting Married – How To Deal With Emotional Triggers?
- Why Is Attending Weddings A Good Idea?
- Possible Consequences of Not Attending Weddings
- What Happens When You Force Yourself to Attend Weddings?
- How To Decide If You Should Attend Weddings?
- My Experience
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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You In The Past & How You Felt
All my friends are getting married, and my turn soon will arrive. That’s what we all would have thought in our 20s and even when nearing the big 30. You’d happily join bachelorette parties and join in the fun of being bridesmaids for your friends. Having a WhatsApp group where you would discuss the wedding preparation ahead is not something that you’d want to miss out on because you know they would return the favor when it is your turn. Glams and glimmers of the wedding day are something you look forward to, and you attend them in the best possible attires you could!
You basically felt hopeful and you had pictured an image of you and your better half walking down the aisle, just like your married friends. Attending weddings gave you more of a positive outlook on life, and fueled you with good vibes, although, deep down you wished you had your +1 to bring along for the weddings. After all, won’t it be a memory of a lifetime attending weddings of your best friends, and having the pictures pop up on your Facebook feed every year?
You Now & Your Feelings
If you are reading this, you are probably 30 and above, or at least nearing your 30th birthday, and wondering if you will ever find the love of your life and if a wedding is something that is attainable in the near future. You are also worrying about multiple things at once, like getting married before 35 and having kids on time, the biological clock that is taking real fast, being on the dating app and putting yourself out there to meet people relentlessly, and coming back home disappointed one date after another finding it difficult to identify men having genuine love intention.
All my friends getting married and have gotten married already, building their families and focusing on their kids stop you still do receive wedding invitations, but occasionally, because everyone that you have in your circle is already married. But on the rare occasions when you receive wedding invitations, your anxiety kicks in and you are more worried for yourself than feeling excited like you used to in the past when getting invited for weddings. You may even have started to question whether it is all worth it to attend weddings, spend money traveling, and even on wedding gifts.
You also have started questioning if you actually belong to the married friends’ tribe and if weddings are somewhere you belong. You may feel that you should spend the money elsewhere and find reasons not to go to a wedding.
You In The Future & Your Feelings
Two things can happen here. Firstly, you are questioning all your dating efforts and probably have given up hope altogether on finding someone for yourself. You probably would have adjusted yourself to living the single life and have more tolerance towards anxiety and the unsettling emotions surrounding marriage. Friends getting married is not something that you are bothered about at this point in time.
Secondly, you are probably married to the love of your life and living the life of your dreams happily ever after. You may want to look back at your younger self and have some compassion towards the struggle that you were going through at that point in time and to reassure yourself that everything is going to be alright. You also probably are feeling glad that everything ended up the way you wanted it to be.
All My Friends Are Getting Married! So What?
Now, let’s look at the actual problem that is brought about by your friends getting married while you are struggling to find an organic relationship.
- Shame Associated With Weddings: You feel ashamed to attend weddings as a single person. Going to a wedding alone is something that you dread a lot and would want to avoid at all costs.
- Why Are You Not Married Yet?: You may have noticed that a lot of people are more invested in finding out if you are getting married anytime soon than in finding out if you are happy if you are healthy and if everything is alright in your life. You see more of these people in functions like weddings. Answering them can be a source of stress in life.
- It Emotionally Triggers You: Weddings naturally remind you of something that you’ve been struggling with in your life. You may have been having busy months at work, and have never gotten distracted by the fact that you are still single until the moment somebody brings you up to invite for the wedding.
- You Don’t Feel You Belong To The Tribe: Probably, most of your friends are married and now attend weddings with their own families. Seeing this paints your heart even further and you actually feel you don’t belong to the friends’ circle anymore.
- Cost of Attending Weddings: Let’s talk about the cost of attending weddings, especially functions that now are the source of your sadness – it could cost you a few hundred dollars (depending on where you live), and it isn’t cheap when considering the travel, wedding gives, and time invested in attending them.
How Do You Cope When All Your Friends Are Getting Married?
- One of the most obvious feelings that anyone single would feel is sadness as they feel left out. Whenever you feel sad saying somebody getting married, you should remind yourself that you feel sad because you now believe that marriage is not something that is meant for you. You also feel sad because you are worried for yourself and you feel that you may not find someone for yourself.
How to deal with it? Flip the script and tell yourself that it is possible for you to attain what you want in the future. Tell yourself that your time will come soon. Tell yourself that it is possible for anybody to get married at any point in time. Remind yourself that tomorrow holds endless opportunities and that life can change in a flip of a second.
- “I am depressed because all my friends are married“. You have a valid reason to feel that way because married couples usually have a very different routine than yours, and they usually get very busy as they have kids and move on with life.
How to deal with it? You have to accept that someday everyone in your life is going to exit, making room for new ones to enter. This includes new friends who could accommodate your current needs and situations better. Finding different sets of friends can be very beneficial. You can have colleagues, friends at yoga classes, and friends from your neighborhood. Have you ever thought of finding friends where you live? Have you spoken to your neighbors? Sometimes, small conversations can lift up your day like nothing else could.
- While having friends can be very helpful in rejuvenating life, your problem will come around if your primary need is not met. If deep down all you want is a life partner, friends and extended families can only help to an extent.
How to deal with it? Put yourself out there more. Experiment with different dating apps. Practice discernment and decide who to talk to and meet up in real life. If what you have been doing so far in getting to know new people has not been helping you much, look at different ways of connecting with people. If you like going to the gym, make that routine in order to open up the chances of meeting new people regularly. This is also where you open up chances of getting in touch with the same group of people every week, and you get to learn more about them. This could live off the burden of dating someone seriously and you may meet someone special.
- It is crucial to surround yourself with people who care about your life as living alone or without social support may be detrimental to your mental health.
How to deal with it? If coming home to an empty house is something that you do not want to deal with in the long run, move in with your friends or family.
All My Friends Are Getting Married – How To Deal With Emotional Triggers?
- Accepting the fact that feeling a plethora of emotions is the first step to releasing them from your system. When someone hands out an invitation at the lowest point of your life when you are feeling low about relationships, the immediate reaction will always be a mix of sadness and happiness. Acknowledge the feeling of sadness.
- Understand that you can only do very little to stop people from finding their own person. Accept the fact that people will always be moving forward in life and that it is something you cannot control for stuff. It may not be something easy, but the fact that just because someone is getting married, it doesn’t ensure a problem-free life will help you stay grounded in your own journey.
- “All my friends are getting married but this does not negate the chance of me finding someone in the future“
Tell yourself this every time you get triggered when you’re getting invited to weddings. It will help you look at life from a different perspective and stay hopeful even amidst difficult situations. If you see someone of your age still getting the chance to settle down, this should only mean that you too stand the equal chance of finding someone.
Why Is Attending Weddings A Good Idea?
It is common sense that when you attend social gatherings, you would meet more people. This is especially true for people that you have not met in a long time, and people that you do not have in your social circle yet. A happy and joyous occasion could pass on good vibes to yourself, and you may even meet somebody through the connections that you make over there.
Imagine the glim and glams of a wedding where you could dress up and just be your best possible self for the day. Attending weddings could uplift your mood and help you feel good about yourself. This alone could be a good reason to just soak in the happy vibe.
Possible Consequences of Not Attending Weddings
Is obvious that when you decline a wedding invitation, your friends may be upset about it. Apart from the bride or the groom, your friends who have not met you for a long time may want to meet you and this could be a reason why they can get disappointed.
Apart from that, you could also be feeling sad for not being able to participate in a joyous occasion. It is undeniable that good food, good friends and good time are something crucial for human beings and when that opportunity is not leveraged properly, you increase the chance of being isolated from society.
What Happens When You Force Yourself to Attend Weddings?
All said and done, if you are not in the right frame of mind to attend weddings and if you force yourself to please others, you would probably feel very distressed when you see married friends and also if you come across those who ask about your relationship status. You would come back feeling very low about you being single and this could disrupt your daily routines.
If you force yourself to attend weddings with the expectation of having your friends return the favor when you are getting married one fine day, this would also set up a trap for disappointment as you would regard attending weddings as something that is not worthwhile if your turn does not come soon.
How To Decide If You Should Attend Weddings?
Ultimately, your decision to attend a wedding should come from a place of free will. There should not be any expectations tied to your decision to attend weddings. The best way to decide is to not give your friends hi hope of you attending weddings. When you receive the invitation, what you can best do is to tell them that you will try your very best to attend their function. This gives room for a change in plan, and if you do not feel like attending it or if something crops up at the very last minute.
I am saying this because you may be receiving the invitation a few weeks or months ahead and you may not know the mental state that you would be in when the time comes. Therefore, keep your options wide and do not take things very seriously. Attend weddings if you feel happy and do not go if you think it is impacting your mental health.
Weddings used to be happy occasions, where I would enjoy attending them dressed at my best, but after 30, I became very selective in attending weddings. As I am actively dating, weddings can trigger my anxiety at times. However, participating in close friends’ weddings truly brings joy as I have witnessed them struggling to get to where they are now as a bride. It fuels me with hope.
On the other hand, I have seen singles happily attending just about anyone’s wedding without really feeling left out. At the end of the day, it really depends on our state of mind and emotional availability to attend weddings. There is nothing right or wrong!
Is It Normal To Feel Sad When Your Friend Gets Engaged?
It is perfectly normal to feel sad when your friend gets engaged. This is because deep down you know that your friendship could be changing in the coming days. You may not be seeing him or her that often for stop even not be able to hang around with them as much as you did in the past. You may also be feeling sad for yourself as you could be left out as your friend moves on in life, especially if you’re still single.
How Do You Cope When All Your Friends Are Settling Down?
You could make friends with your friends’ spouses come up and therefore you will have more friends. If they are open to hosting you for the events, your life could perfectly be normal and your social life wouldn’t be impacted in any way. We should stop assuming that our friends do not have time for us. A healthy friendship is something that would be able to accommodate a friend’s needs. Ask yourself if you are withdrawing from their lives by assuming that they would not have time for your friendship.
How Can I Avoid Feeling Lonely When All My Friends Are Coupled Up?
Focus on settling down and meeting new people, if this is something on your mind. Also, keep yourself busy with your hobbies and new activities. Your friends partners could introduce you to the single friends and this could be a chance for you to expand your social circle and get to know new people. You should make it a point to tell them that you would like to be introduced to new people so that they could set you up with your friends. We often feel sad that our friends do not care about us anymore, but we forget that we did not ask for help. So, make it obvious that you would like a little help and see where it goes.
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