You Deserve Love: ONE Thing I Did To Be Worthy of Love

You know you deserve love when it’s 11:11 PM on a Sunday night, and you can feel the wind breezing through the living room window as you are watching your favorite movie alone in your house.

This is me, and as I am typing this out, I thought, how peaceful and confident it feels to not have any motherf*ckers mess with your mind and life. The feeling of finally not having an attachment to the wrong people. Blissful! By the way, I am watching a movie – deliberately playing it because it has a very calm and mature love story. Things like this remind me of the energy I want to attract in life.

Also, I actually saw a few of my friends’ posts on social media, and I just noticed that one of them now has two children, and she’s looking happy with her little family. It made me think that if other people are worthy of a healthy love, so am I. If we made it to the university, graduated, and started working as well as building life, I deserve love just like they deserve it in life.

I wouldn’t lie; a tinge of sadness swept through me because I am alone, but then it quickly reminded me of all the amazing posts I saw on social media of women happily sharing pregnancy after 35! It gave me hope.

Now, for me to even arrive at this state of mind, I had to do ONE thing, and I failed in it many times until I finally could do it!

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My Experience

How many times have I ever tried to do the inner work that a lot of love Gurus are talking about on social media? How many times have I tried to meditate and do affirmations to manifest love, only to fail? How many times I thought that I deserved love, but I struggled with identifying people who were right and wrong for me.

I have searched high and low for self-love in a lot of places. I tried to go on Solo trips and solo birthdays. I tried to embrace loneliness. I thought that I had been living as a single woman alone for about six years now, so I have embraced loneliness. How long more do I need to go through this hard time of endless cycles of lessons from the universe?

I am 36 now, and on a peaceful Sunday, I realized that I have been doing self-love wrong! I wish I had known some of these things earlier, and I also accepted the fact that this path would lead to something greater and that everything happens for a reason.

Here are some of the signs you think you deserve love but you don’t act like it – based on my experience:

Signs You Think You Deserve Love But You Don’t 

1. You Entertain Ambiguous Men

Many times, we think we try to be likeable by entertaining ambiguous men. Remember those times when you had to ask where this connection was going or make it clear that both of you were on the same page, fearing that you would scare them off? 

This is one of the signs that although you think you deserve love but you do not deep inside. You think that you shouldn’t be fast forwarding love and forcing things to happen too fast. However, if you start feeling uncomfortable about a connection, chances are that it is not serving your best interest.

Remember, just like how love-bombing can make you feel uncomfortable, someone going too slow or on-and-off when dating can be uncomfortable, but you shouldn’t be justifying it.

And, news flash! By allowing people to be ambiguous, you too are being unsure and ambiguous.

Do you know why this happens? It’s because we were programmed by society to think that we shouldn’t demand too much and, we shouldn’t be picky, and hence, we end up second-guessing ourselves.

2. You Can’t Embrace Loneliness

I AM LIVING PROOF that not being able to embrace being alone can lead to us choosing the wrong people. I know, people say, first love yourself, if you are looking for love. But, I was frustrated because the years became decades and nothing changed!

Forcing conversation in a relationship won’t work! Have you tried reaching out to men you dated multiple times out of the fear that they might ghost you soon? I was there in that mindset for a long time.

And mind you, this is not just for romantic relationships. Are you reaching out to friends more than they reach out to you? Something is not right in the dynamic. You should learn how to put your dignity higher than the compulsiveness to reach out to you.

I used to be frustrated because since I run a business alone and I also live alone, I was not able to connect with my friends who now have different priorities like their own family members.

I was really frustrated, and that frustration actually made me feel like I deserved love, and I was wondering why I was not able to meet someone sooner than I thought it would happen.

However, right now, after actually stopping conversation with people that I have been in a situationship with, I can tell you that I didn’t truly embrace loneliness.

I used to initiate conversations a lot with those people, and only after many attempts to stop talking to them could I actually feel that I was complete on my own.

3. You Want Love To Happen Now

You deserve love, but you do not have the ability to choose when love should happen to you. Sure, you can focus on manifestation and alignment in order to be in the right space of mind. People say that it definitely helps in moving things fast. 

However, I have also seen people who have the best of the careers and living the best life possible but still struggling to find love.

You try to decode things, and you try to actively do something about it because you think that doing it is equivalent to putting in more effort, which in turn would bring the love of your life today. 

Have you seen gurus saying that you can manifest the love of your life within the next seven days or even the next 14 days? Just run in the opposite direction if you happen to see one of them.

What I Did To Feel I Am Worthy of Love?

1. Struggled Multiple Times To Let Go Of The Wrong People

Although I struggled multiple times to let go of the wrong people in my life, I finally made it happen! I know deep inside that I deserve much more than being in touch with the wrong people in my life.

Every time I texted him, I would feel a deep sense of sadness because I felt that I disappointed myself by texting him. By getting in touch with people that I am not communicating with us with the best interest in their heart, we are actually downplaying our own needs. 

I told myself repeatedly that I do not need to be in touch with him or even his company for me to run my day, and I’m going to be perfectly fine not having anybody to talk to.

Finally, when I was able to do it, I did not turn back. Because I know that I deserve something greater and I do not need to have someone to talk to just for the sake of feeling better about it.

2. Created Boundaries Even With Friends

To be honest, since my brother is married and I live alone, as well as run a business as a solopreneur, I often rely on friends that I know. As an introvert, it has been difficult to learn how to find new friends. Sometimes, I try to strike up conversations with friends from my universities, and I have to say that sustaining and forming new friends after 30 is very difficult.

My friends are married now and although we are still in good terms with each other, I find that the dynamic that I have with my friends, whereby when I initiate conversation or even share memes with them more than they do, I feel that I am forcing conversations and this is an important lesson that I have to learn about putting my dignity higher and not being too available to people.

So, I actually applied the same thing to all my relationships. Whether I’m talking to my cousins or friends or even people that I date, everything comes under the same concept.

3. Focus On What I Want To Feel When Dating

No, when I date, I focus on what I want to feel when I’m dating. If I sense that someone is not respecting me enough, I end things with them, and no explanation is given. It reminds me of the burned haystack dating method – If you are a woman and dating, I highly recommend you to check the Facebook page out to learn how to block men who show you that they are not right for you, especially men that you meet on dating apps.

Personally, I feel that having a journal when you are dating is very important because you can actually write down your emotions after each encounter with them. With this, you won’t forget how many times they made you feel uncomfortable, and you can decide if you should stop talking to them.

What’s Next?

1. Watch Encouraging Posts 

What I do nowadays is watch encouraging posts and videos of couples that are like or even movies that have strong and kind male characters. I play video clips like this in the morning, especially when I notice that my energy is not right. I think these posts would help us to remind that good things exist, and it would train your mind to tune into the feeling of being in the right relationship.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of posts from people who have conceived after 35 and even after 40 years old. This brings me a lot of joy and hope because I know that these are some of the concerns of single people out there.

2. Meditate and Cleanse Your Energy

I focus on meditating and cleansing my energy because I think that clearing our energy of from people who are not good for us is essential in order to identify people that are not good for us and train our mind and body to reject them right away.

This is also about confidence building because when we are newly dating, we probably wouldn’t know who’s good for us and who isn’t. It takes a lot of trials and errors to even strengthen our gut feelings about people in general.

So, by honing that intuition, what we want becomes crystal clear, and we wouldn’t welcome people who are not the right fit to mess with our minds, bodies, and souls.

3. Become All That You Want To Be

If you have been reading my newsletters, you would know that I am now focusing on building my career and becoming even better financially this year. I am paying off my car loan this month. 

I’m also focusing more on myself, like planning to go to a gym and becoming the best version of myself ever possible. I have a dreams of pursuing my education in the field of my choice and I would like to be known as an expert in it.

Think about it this way. What would your ideal self look like? How would you speak? What would you look like? What does your day-to-day routine look like? How do you talk to people? How do you project yourself to people?

You deserve love! And you deserve it from yourself first!

4. Have Faith Not Hope

A lot of people think that faith and hope are the same things. However, when you put a lot of hope into something, you get attached to the outcome, and you have expectations for it. I’m now having faith that whatever my future turns out to be, I’m going to be okay.

I have the desire to be in the company of a great man, but right now, I’m just focusing on myself, and most importantly, I know that I’m not entertaining people that I shouldn’t be entertaining. And that, to me, is a win.

Remember, you deserve love!