3 Ways To Not Be A Solo Caregiver for Parents As a Single Woman

Being a solo caregiver for parents can be an absolute nightmare, as I’ve been witnessing the experiences of women in my life recently. 

I got a panic attack looking at how much an aging parent demands your energy and time, and it made me take proactive steps to avoid shouldering the burden on my own, as a single woman, if I’m still unmarried in the future.

If you have siblings, it’s quite common for them to think that you can spare time for your aging parents because you have “fewer commitments”. But let’s talk about the reality and prepare ourselves to brace the difficult times that will come up soon.

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My Experience

As I’m writing this in 2025, both my parents are still in their 60s. My dad just turned 64 years old last April, which pretty much means that he is in his mid-60s. My mom is in her early 60s. 

Apart from that, I have cousins caring for their old parents and a family friend who’s caring for her parents as a solo caregiver.

The recent incident of witnessing my relatives getting admitted into the ICU (her children are younger than me) made me think that our parents are getting older.

As a single woman, here are my thoughts when I witnessed:

1. My Dad

My dad has been showing signs of forgetfulness and crankiness for the past few years now. Although he’s fully functional, we can notice that it’s a sign of aging. He needs more attention now, and he tends to be forgetful about things as well. At times, tantrums are thrown and pretty much a lot of other signs of aging can be noticed.

2. My Cousin

My oldest cousin from my mom’s side, who is 19 years older than me, is taking care of my uncle, who is about 82 years old. The journey has not been an easy one because, as a woman and a homemaker herself, she finds it difficult to be in charge of taking care of her father because men do not actually listen to their daughters.

The burden is heavier when siblings do not help each other when it comes to taking care of elderly parents.

3. My Family Friend Who’s a Single Woman

Another scenario that actually made me think a lot about caring for elderly parents is when I observed the experience of a family friend who is a single woman in her early 50s. At times, she does regret not putting in more effort in her 40s in order to find a companion for herself. 

As a solo caregiver for her parents, she finds it extremely difficult, especially when her father has been showing extreme signs of a tendency to throw tantrums and not cooperate with family members. These experiences render women emotionally drained and crippled.

Problems with Being a Solo Caregiver For Parents as a Single Woman 

1. You Don’t Have a Support System

You are considered lucky if you have siblings who are willing to share the workload with you in order to take care of your parents. But, if siblings choose to not interfere in the process, and if you do not have the heart to send your old parents to an old folks home, then you will be taking care of them on your own.

If you’re not married, you do not have a support system from your husband or your husband’s family members, even just for them to listen to you. You basically do not have strong emotional support, and that, to me, is the hardest part of all when it comes to taking care of old parents.

Women do a lot of emotional caregiving when it comes to taking care of family members, and this is not something new. Women have been doing this for centuries. The number one reason why men do not choose to be involved in taking care of family members who require emotional support is because they do not want to be entangled in the part of emotional exhaustion.

This leaves women in a very vulnerable state and emotionally drained, which would affect the quality of their lives as well.

2. You Can’t Move Around

Solo caregivers for parents are also facing issues with mobility and the freedom to move around. It is akin to having a child at home who needs constant supervision. Just imagine having to take care of a child with their day-to-day activities for a few years long – that is literally how it feels to be taking care of old people who do not have the capacity to listen to your instructions anymore.

3. They Won’t Listen To You

If you are a woman and a solo caregiver for your parents, it is harder to take charge of your parents because chances are they won’t listen to you. This is because usually parents are closer to girl child and women tend to be a bit more lenient towards family members in general.

I am sure you have seen scenarios where parents tend to respect or give freedom to their sons more than their daughters. It does not matter if you are older than the family or not because at the end of the day when you are older, even your younger brothers would be seeming like the ones that have more authority than you in the family.

This makes it harder for women to be completely in charge of parents because it’s not like taking care of children who can and would listen to you. 

3 Ways To Not Be A Solo Caregiver

1. Talk About Your Parents’ Issues with Your Siblings

Since I have been observing what my older cousins and family members have been going through, especially when they are single, I thought that it is also my responsibility to keep my sibling informed about my parents.

Creating this habit early on would allow the space for siblings to be frequently notified about parents, and it will create a conducive environment where parents would also want to be in touch with the other children who are not the primary caretakers.

Your siblings would also have a sense of responsibility knowing that they need to play a part in taking care of your parents.

2. Do Not Be Too Lenient With Your Parents

It’s funny how we have to change our dynamics with our patterns as we grow older. When we were kids, we listened to them. Then, when we grew up, they became our friends and towards the end of our 20s, we would probably be trying to get closer to them. 

And then, suddenly, everything seems to be ending so soon when you wanted more time with them. You think you have all the time in the world with them when you are in your 30s. However, this is also the time when parents get much older and it dawns upon you that you actually do not have that much time left with them.

Before you know it, you are already preparing for old age, and this actually makes you, as a single woman, even sadder because you feel like you have not even figured your life out, but you have other responsibilities piling up on your shoulders.

This is also the time when you need to change how you communicate with your parents. Your parents do not have the capacity to listen to your work problems or even issues that you would like to discuss with them because they simply are losing the capacity to support your emotional needs. 

On the other hand, you need to start treating them the same way parents would treat their children. You need to start taking charge of the family, you need to start deciding things on their behalf and literally think for them at one point in time.

This is when you need to start being a bit more lenient with them because you will realize that you would be losing your ability to negotiate things with them like how you would 10 years ago.  

It wouldn’t be as simple as “Papa, can we do this together this weekend?”  

It would be something like, “Papa, we are going to the hospital today. Get into the car”, before they can even say things like, “I am perfectly fine, and I’m not sure why you guys are treating me like a kid.”

Even typing this out makes me so sad, thinking that time actually flies and we are all getting older.

3. Teach Them How To Learn New Things

If you are lucky and you have parents who are willing to listen to you, you need to teach them how to learn new things in life. I have cousins who have parents who are a bit softer and would acknowledge whatever my cousins are trying to tell them. I think that having parents like that is a bit advantageous, because they would listen to you.

Diseases like Alzheimer’s and other issues related to aging can be combated if the mind is kept busy. If your parents are retired and have nothing much to do, this can actually lead to a lot of problems in the long run. 

My mom, noticing how a lot of old people are having a hard time keeping their minds sane, has picked up habits like playing games on her mobile phone and quizzes that enrich her general knowledge.

Get them to go on trips with the hard-earned money and this would keep their mind of occupied all the time. This would also help you as a solo caregiver for your parents.

Additional Things To Do

1. Demand To Divide Work Among Siblings 

You have to learn how to ask for help from your siblings when help is needed. A lot of times, women do not ask for help because they think that it is on them to be able to handle things without asking for help.

You have to make it seem like, well, not even make it seem like it, but actually tell the truth to your siblings about how you actually need help and you are struggling with the task of taking care of your old parents.

They need to understand the struggles that you are going through in order to make them realize sometimes that they need to chip in and help you out early on.

2. Create Boundaries With Parents

This is especially true if you are staying with your parents or if your parents are staying with you. You have to learn how to create a strong boundary with your parents because chances are that you would be going for some of the freedom that you have been having.

If you are seeing someone or if you just need some private moments, it would be difficult to take time off when you are living with your parents. However, do not let this hinder you from having an open conversation with your parents about how you are an individual on your own and you need time for yourself.

This is also especially true in order to not let your parents interfere in your personal life like the decisions that you make in your day-to-day life.

3. Don’t Forget Your Me Time

Do not forget to take your me time, like going for a solo vacation or going for a nice dinner on your own just because you have your parents to take care of right now.

You can always schedule someone to come and take care of your parents for a few hours while you go out and do your things and come back home.

Don’t forget your siblings. Ask for help and tell them that you sometimes need it for yourself as a solo caregiver for your parents.