Dating IRL After 35: Reality vs. Expectations

Dating IRL (in real life) after 35 can feel like trying to ride a bicycle again after years of using a car. You know how to do it, but the muscle memory is rusty, and you wobble more than you’d like to admit.

I recently experienced this firsthand when I attended WordCamp in Johor Bahru—a tech event I was genuinely excited about, both as a blogger and as a single woman who’s no longer active on dating apps. I wasn’t exactly going there to find romance, but I’ll be honest—I was curious. At 36, I was also wondering: can we still meet someone organically, while geeking out over websites and SEO?

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The Excitement of IRL Possibilities

I walked into WordCamp with zero expectations. But the vibe was great. There were attendees from all over the world, and it felt energizing to be part of a creative, intellectual crowd again. I had meaningful conversations, learned new things, and even made a good friend who I ended up hanging out with the day after.

That kind of connection—spontaneous and sincere—is something I had been craving for a long time. Dating apps don’t really give you that. On apps, there’s pressure to perform, impress, or “stand out.” Here, I was just being me, and it felt good.

Bumping Into Someone (Literally) and Feeling… Awkward

There was one moment that brought me back to the whole idea of dating IRL. I saw a guy who caught my eye. Actually, I bumped into him three times. The first two times, he had a serious face and didn’t smile. But the third time, he gave me a slight smile—and I smiled back.

That was it. No small talk. No flirty banter. No bold moves. Just… a smile.

Later on, I found out he had commented on someone’s LinkedIn post, and in a modern twist on the old “dropping the handkerchief” move, I liked his comment. A subtle gesture. A test. A question: will you notice me noticing you?

No follow-through so far. But it was still a small, awkward win in its own way. Because it reminded me that dating IRL isn’t smooth or easy—it’s often uncomfortable, uncertain, and a little slow. But it is real.

The Reality of Dating After 35

If you are single and 35, after 35, dating IRL feels different. You’re more self-aware. You’re not as driven by impulse. You’ve probably been through your share of emotional highs and heartbreaks, and now, you value depth and effort over butterflies.

But let’s also be honest: the skill of flirting, of starting conversations with strangers, of knowing when someone’s into you—it dulls over time, especially if you’ve relied heavily on dating apps for years like I did. When you meet someone in real life now, there’s less clarity. Less convenience. But also, maybe more opportunity for something real.

Dating IRL: Expectations vs. Reality

Expectation:

You’ll lock eyes across the room, start a conversation, and magic will happen.

Reality:

You’ll notice someone. You might smile. Or not. You may awkwardly look away. You might overthink everything. And still leave without a word exchanged.

And yet, that’s still a connection. That’s still something. That smile is more genuine than a “hey” on an app followed by ghosting.

Why It’s Still Worth It

Even though I didn’t walk away with a new love story, I walked away with something better: a renewed sense of possibility.

Being out there—in a physical space where people gather with shared interests—gave me more than any app notification ever could. I wasn’t just waiting to be chosen. I was showing up. I was living.

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So… What Can You Do? (Tips From a Fellow Over-35 Singleton)

1. Attend Events You’d Actually Return To

Whether it’s a conference like WordCamp or a local meet-up, repetition builds familiarity—and attraction. Research shows that the “mere exposure effect” (Zajonc, 1968) suggests people tend to develop a preference for things—and people—they’re exposed to repeatedly. So, instead of one-off events, join a weekly class, a recurring workshop, or a volunteer program where you’re likely to see the same faces again.

Tip: Ask yourself—“Would I come back here even if I didn’t meet anyone?” That’s the sweet spot.

2. Say Yes to Something New (Even If It’s Cringey)

I recently signed up for a “Single and Ready to Mingle” event in my city. It’s mostly filled with expats and folks from diverse backgrounds—and honestly, it’s not exactly my vibe, but I figured, why not? One event won’t hurt. Sometimes all you need is one conversation to shift your perspective.

Even if you don’t meet “the one,” you’ll walk away with a story—and maybe even some practice at making eye contact again.

3. Use Social Media as a Low-Key Signal

Remember when people used to update their Facebook relationship status and it actually meant something? It still does—especially among people who know you or have been curious for a while.

Post a bit more about your life—your smile, your solo travels, your wins. Drop subtle captions like:

“Exploring the world while I’m still single.”
or
“Solo adventures, but not closed off to company.”

Let people wonder, let them notice—and let them approach you.

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Final Thoughts

Dating IRL after 35 is messy, beautiful, awkward, and hopeful. It’s not about walking into events expecting sparks—it’s about rebuilding your confidence to be seen and to connect, even if nothing romantic comes out of it.

So, if you’re tired of the apps and wondering whether real-life romance is still possible, start showing up again. Not to find someone immediately, but to find pieces of yourself you may have forgotten while scrolling.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll lock eyes with someone who sees you, too.