How To Stop Wanting a Relationship: My 5 Proven Steps

If you clicked on my blog post after searching for how to stop wanting a relationship, there is a high chance that you are now frustrated with the dating process thinking that you have no luck on dating apps, and you just want to stop having the deep desire to find a partner that is bothering your life right now.

Is the thought of wanting a life partner bothering you to the extent that you cannot function on a daily basis? Is it taking a toll on your mental health that you cannot focus on your work or even enjoy the activities that you used to love doing?

In other words, are you actually depressed right now because you have not found your soulmate?

This is especially true for those of you reading this right now who have your friends married with children and you are kind of lost in life not knowing which direction to go.

As a 35 and single woman, I have successfully brought about a change in my mindset in order to not focus too much on dating but to focus on my life and also make a plan for my life that would work even if I am not married.

I’m here to share with you some of the steps that have worked for me so that you can implement them and see if they could help you.

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Desire vs Desperation

What does the desire to have a relationship look like? How does it actually feel and how would you be operating from a day-to-day perspective if you have a healthy level of desire to find a partner?

1. You Would Be Able To Handle Sadness and Loneliness Well

Have you seen people who are single and have a lot of friends, and their lives look happy and they don’t seem to feel desperate or sad because they do not have a partner? Have you actually felt jealous looking at them because they are single just like you but not really bothered about being single? Have you tried becoming just like them so that your situation will also not bother you just like how it does not bother them?

It is not so much about people with a lot of friends or people who have a lot of activities to do in their lives. It is about how much you are able to handle the sadness and loneliness that arise due to being single.

Single people do have the desire to have a partner and they also actually go through negative emotions like sadness and loneliness, however, they do not dwell on it for a very long period of time. They actually have a way to bounce back and find joy in mundane tasks that they do every day.

2. You Feel Positive About The Desire To Find a Partner

Whether you are on dating apps or you are out there attending various kinds of networking events in order to meet new people, you actually have a positive attitude about it and you feel good about your quest to search for a life partner. You have high standards and expectations in relationships.

Generally speaking, you will not have a dreadful feeling about dating or wanting a partner because you operate from a sense of trustworthiness knowing that the universe has your back and you think more about the happiness that would come into your life when you meet the love of your life.

In short, you think about happy moments and you have a mental picture of having a happy married life with your partner, which actually fuels your search for a life partner.

3. You Do Not Abandon Yourself or Goals in Life Because You Are Not Married

Imagine this – you are putting off a lot of life plans like wanting to pursue your PhD buying a house or even shifting to a new city, just because you have not settled down yet with a partner.

It is a sign of desperation as you are abandoning yourself and putting your life on hold just because your goal to be married by now has not been achieved yet.

People who have the healthy desire to find a life partner will not have the desire affect their personal goals whether it is career goals or hobbies that they like doing.

One Thing To Remember About Relationships

One of the reasons why people actually feel desperate to get into a relationship is because they think that they need to be in a relationship by a certain age, or even be in a relationship and live a traditional typical life where you have a family and kids.

First of all, when it comes to relationships, we are dealing with people and as we all know at this point in time, people are not predictable and we do not know when relationships will begin and end.

Comparison is the thief of joy and as you know if you are looking at your friends who are married, and you think that your life is miserable because you will never be able to find love.

Look at people who have found love at the age of 50 or even 60, and it will let you know that love can come into your life at any point in time and that you can be receiving flowers unexpectedly from the love of your life. 

Also, when you are feeling extremely sad about your situation, make it a point to look at your friends who have been divorced at this young age and ask yourself if relationships are always rosy. 

This is actually to remind you that you shouldn’t wallow in self-pity because the very same thing that you are desperate to have can also be something that is able to hurt you to a great extent.

Secondly, we all forget that what is within our control is our effort but the outcome is not in our hands. When you go in for an examination you know that you have studied well and you have done your revisions. However, you will never know what questions would be presented during the examination and you also wouldn’t know if you would ace them like you’d hoped you would.

Likewise, a lot of our wishes in life go unanswered because life has a different plan for us. If you desire to be in a relationship, understand that it may happen later in life or not, and accept that you’re not in control in life. But understand that life will work out and you will be okay no matter what happens.

You will be surprised that twenty years from now, you’ll be living a completely different life which you will be okay with.

Hope vs Faith

As you know there is a very fine line between Hope and Faith. You can have hope, which can actually turn into desperation real quick without you knowing it if all you are thinking about day and night is to get into a relationship. You think that it is hope but it is actually the desire to control the outcome of your life.

Faith on the other hand is actually having the desire to have a partner, but also knowing that you will be okay with whatever outcome that the universe gives you and you let it happen naturally as an organic relationship is the best that could ever happen to you. You let things happen at a free will and you do not control the outcome of your effort.

In order to shift from hope to faith, you have to acknowledge the fact that there is a higher power in the world that we live in where we are never above the higher power, and you should trust the universe enough in order to let go of your fear of what would happen to your life if you single and you don’t have a family.

Imagine going to the operation theater, trusting that the doctor knows what he is doing. Or, getting into a plane trusting that the captain knows what he is doing behind the wheel.

How To Stop Wanting a Relationship

If you want to know the steps on how to stop wanting a relationship and focus on yourself more, here are what worked for me:

1. Give Your All In When Dating

If you are like me, you give your all when you are doing something, I would suggest you give your all when you are dating as well. This goes to having dating as your first priority in your life.

Set enough time for dating, keep your dates your priority during your weekends, and spend enough time every day on dating apps trying to swipe right on people that you like. Initiate enough conversations with people that you are interested in. Read more books on dating and just do everything that your heart desires related to dating at this point in time.

This step allows you to actually understand that you have done enough healing work and you have made enough effort in order to understand your relationship requirements and your dating preferences so that you do not regret it later on in life.

2. Set A Timeline To Move Dating To A Lesser Priority 

So, if you are on dating apps and if it has been quite some time you have been trying to date to no avail, and you are thinking about how to stop wanting a relationship so that you can focus on something else in life, the next thing that you should do is actually set a timeline to move dating to a lesser priority in life.

For instance, a lot of single people would actually aim to get settled down by the age of 35. This is especially true for women because of their goal to complete their family as soon as possible. 

So let’s say that you are sticking with the age of 35 where you would officially move dating to a lesser priority in life, when it is your 35th birthday, you should be prepared to embrace plan B and also decide what your focus in life is going to be.

3. Grief Your Singleness

So, if you are 34 right now, and you are really depressed because 35 is approaching and you are trying to date crazily hoping that something works out before you hit 35, allow yourself to grieve the difficult situation that you are in right now. 

It can be really really stressful, especially when the thought that you may fail to hit your goal sinks in slowly into your head full stop. It can be really difficult to accept the fact that you may not find a partner by 35.

Whether it is a year or a few months, give yourself as much time as you need in order to grieve. Usually, the grieving process actually involves sadness over not having enough emotional intimacy or even physical intimacy as you are aging. 

From not having someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, to coming home to an empty house, being single actually involves a lot of sadness and it can take a toll on your emotions. So be kind to yourself and give yourself as much time as you need in order to grieve the reality.

4. What’s Your Plan B?

When I hit 35, I want to focus on my career and I want to think less about dating. If this is what your plan B looks like, picture a life where you would be spending your life entirely as a single person.

Where do you want to stay? Do you want to buy a house? Do you want to invest in a nursing home service? What kind of friends circle do you want to have when you age? This will pave the way for how to stop wanting a relationship.

You do not need to have an answer to all of these questions immediately, but at least you should know how to sustain life on your own. 

For a lot of single people, health and wealth are the two most important things in life because without money you will never be able to sustain yourself, and also without good health you will not be able to have a good life and in fact, you would be dependent on other people is you are not healthy or bedridden.

Do you want to move in with your parents or do you want to live with your friends? You have to sort of find what works for you and shift your mind to accept the fact that you should have a plan B by now.

Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention that a lot of people are also looking at becoming single mothers by choice or even freezing their eggs just in case they do not have enough time to find a partner and start a family in time. So all these things should be something that you need to think about if you are not married by a certain age.

Become The Person You’d Want Your Ideal Man To Marry

When you are focusing on yourself when you are figuring out how to stop wanting a relationship, it can be difficult at times because you would then feel like life is not being shared with another person and what is the point of just focusing on yourself as that is not what life is supposed to look like.

However, make a list of where you are in life financially in terms of the things that you love doing, and where you are right now emotionally. And then, make a list of who you would be in an ideal relationship with someone that you aspire to meet. 

Are you the person that you wish your ideal life partner would want to marry? Are you there in life yet? What would your life look like if you were to be single all your life?

You need to remember that your life is your responsibility first and foremost, and if you cannot take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of a partner or even kids.

Now, take the lists and see if you are there yet. Make a goal to bridge the gap between the two. 

Promise yourself that you will live life for yourself first and fulfill your life because if you do when you meet the right person, you will instantly be ready to build a family and focus on your children if you decide to have kids without having to worry about your finances or even the things that you want to do because you have all the time to focus on yourself right now. 

So, you do not want to regret later on if you have your own family, that you have not made the most out of your single life.

My Experience

How to stop wanting a relationship has been something that has been affecting me for quite some time right now. However, when I was in my 30s, around the age of 33, I actually made a plan to stop thinking about relationships too much when I hit the age of 35. 

I wanted to focus on myself much earlier in life, however looking at my friends settling down and getting married, made me think that I should at least put dating and relationships my priority until the age of 35 because when I quit or put dating into the lesser priority list, I will know that I gave my all in and I tried my best but it didn’t work out.

I am 35 right now but I am not saying that I’m giving up on relationships. But, I am intentionally dating and I am shifting my focus to myself right now and also my career, which was affected quite a bit because I used to be really depressed after many failed dates and the effort that I made in getting to know people.

FAQs

Why do I crave a relationship so badly?

One primary reason you might yearn for affection is a deficiency of it in your life. This can stem from insufficient close relationships, the nonexistence of a romantic partner, or a limited support network comprised of friends and family.

How do I stop desperately wanting a relationship?

Here are four ways to assist you in reducing feelings of desperation for love, thereby preventing situations where your sense of helplessness and neediness lead you down that path:

• Allocate additional time for self-care.
• Focus on the benefits of being unattached.
• Forge new relationships.
• Cease comparing yourself to others

How do I stop wanting to be with someone?

These suggestions can initiate the journey of progress in focusing on yourself.

• Acknowledge the reality that you cannot have a relationship with this person.
• Identify the red flags in the person.
• Honor the relationships that you already have in your life with your family and friends.
• Turn your focus towards the future
• Devote time to self-care.
• Grant yourself some breathing room and grieve the feelings.
• Be aware that the process may require patience.

How do I stop thinking about love and relationships?

Here are some more tips on how to stop wanting a relationship:

• Stay true to yourself. Always remember that you are unique.
• Engage in mindfulness exercises.
• Understand that you can live without them.
• Spend time nurturing your hobbies.