My fwb has a girlfriend and I never knew about this all this while! Why he has a girlfriend but still wants to sleep with me? He has always said that he will let me know if he is seeing anyone else and if the fwb arrangement has to come to an end if either one of us gets into a relationship. I have no clue that he has a girlfriend and I feel bad about this!
I feel violated and I feel that I’ve been taken for a ride because I have clearly expressed that I do not want to be in an FWB arrangement with a guy that is married or has a girlfriend.
So, you’re here because you have been extremely shattered and clueless. After all, you never knew that your fwb has a girlfriend and you want to make the best decision possible for you to move on and also process your emotions in the best possible way.
While it stings and while even confronting your fwb may not feel like it is enough for you to get over the frustration that you’re feeling, there are a few things that you can bear in mind when these uncomfortable feelings surface while you are healing.
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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My Experience
If you have no clue how many women go through this situation, read the comments on Evan’s post on this topic and you will realize that so many men do this because they do not dare to face their partner and confess that they are into non-monogamous relationship!
I have seen people getting into situationships and fwb arrangements because well, finding a long-term relationship can be a struggle and people just want to have a genuine connection with each other in the most respectful manner possible.
We all want to be respected regardless of the arrangements that we have with one another as long as two consensual adults know what they are doing and they do not violate boundaries or take advantage of their partner.
However, there are so many situations where trust is violated and broken in these temporary connections because people just do not give a damn about feelings, especially when it comes to fleeting connections that don’t have any significance in people’s lives except for the fact that it gives temporary relief.
What seemed to be a genuine connection with clear boundaries spelled ahead can turn out to be ugly when one of the couples silently gets into a relationship and hides the fact from both the new partner and the fwb.
This can be a tricky situation to process. After all, as much as you feel cheated, you also want to expose the cheater because you know that the new partner is not in great hands.
I have seen so many people getting into such messy heartbreaks, even though technically it’s not a heartbreak. There are a few things to keep in mind moving forward to heal and not hold on to the grudge.
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My Fwb Has a Girlfriend: Why Did He Lie?
- He Enjoys The Sex With You
Well, if the connection is lousy and he does not feel sexually connected with you, he wouldn’t want to string you along if he is already getting something better outside. Therefore, you should realize that he is in fact having some sort of connection with you even though that is not the initially intended outcome of this arrangement.
This is exactly why sexual connection can be extremely dangerous especially when two people you know that they cannot be together. Because, as much as you want to think that you can separate emotional and physical connection, you might be getting addicted to the connection that you have with someone you are in the fwb arrangement with.
Sexual connection is a connection and this is especially true if the two of you have been in this arrangement for a few months or even years, which leads to the creation of a bond between the two of you.
Anyone who is in love and committed to a partner, especially a man who is extremely in love and his committed to a partner, will never be entertaining two people at once.
A man who has met the love of his life and who is head over heels in love with this woman will definitely and the fwb arrangement with you because he does not want to hurt the feelings of his partner.
However, even after having a girlfriend, if he is still stringing you along come on it goes to show that he’s not fully committed to his partner and he is not able to be loyal not just to this person but to anyone out there because he is not in control of his emotions and desires.
Lastly, he also wants to toy around with your emotions because, to him, he thinks that he can toss you around and keep you when he wants but discard you when he does not want you. It gives him pleasure now knowing that you are accessible anytime he wants to have some fun and this boosts his fragile ego.
Bottom line, he does not respect your emotions and he has no regard for your feelings. This alone can evoke a lot of vengeance and hateful feelings.
Is It Okay To Feel Terrible?
- Feeling Cheated and Used
It is absolutely to feel terrible because you obviously would feel cheated and used especially if you have clearly communicated your boundaries to this person.
Although this person has not directly cheated on you, he has definitely cheated you in terms of not respecting your boundaries and feelings. On top of that, he has also been making use of you for his own pleasure even though he has a partner already.
- Feeling Bad For Their Partner
Now, it is also natural for you to feel bad for your partner because possibly they have not known about his narcissistic tendency. You may feel like wanting to save your partner by exposing him. If you have chosen not to do anything about it, you may also feel terrible for not stepping up and taking the responsibility to save someone’s life.
- Feeling Your Trust Violated
If you have a level of trust for your partner and if the both of you have been sharing personal issues and relying on each other for comfort, this would also make you feel like you’re trust has been violated terribly.
In an fwb arrangement, especially one that has been going on for quite some time, some level of emotional dependency would be present. Therefore, when your partner suddenly enters into a relationship without letting you know, that would definitely make you feel like there is no respect for a human being.
- Feeling Bad For Unknowingly Being Involved With Someone’s Partner
My fwb has a girlfriend and I feel bad for unknowingly being involved with someone’s partner! We all do not want to mess with someone’s relationship and when this has been clearly communicated to your partner, and when he decides to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend from you, that would definitely make you feel that you have sinned.
You have to understand that you did not do this knowingly and therefore you should cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself for being involved with someone without knowing that they are in a relationship.
My Fwb Has a Girlfriend: What Do I Do Next?
- Confront Them!
I don’t care what people are there could tell about situations like this, especially asking you to just block them and don’t bother about confronting them.
However, if you choose not to confront them but think that you still have the hurt within yourself, you have to remember that you cannot take it out on anybody else but that cheater himself.
I would highly recommend you confront the cheater, not for you to get justice in this case but to give him a piece of your mind.
- You Can Choose To Expose Them
This is ultimately something that you can do anonymously if you do not want to get into the drama that would ensue. If you have a game plan on hand, you can get the evidence ready and choose to expose this person to the partner, depending on what you think about the guy.
If you know for sure that this guy is going to be a forever cheater, it is worthwhile to expose him. However, you should also be ready to face the emotional turmoil that may follow as a result of your decision.
- Block Them and Move On
I can’t emphasize the importance of blocking and moving on because you may think that you do not want to block them because you do not want to seem like a weak person. You want to seem like you are unbothered by what has happened.
However, for the sake of your mental health, you should block them and move on because this also blocks them from reaching out to you in the future and confuses the hell out of you.
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FAQs
Can you have a relationship with a FWB?
In rare cases, friends with benefits can bloom into a relationship. However, the percentage is low and therefore you do not want to put a lot of hope on it. The chances of it becoming a relationship highly depends on the two individuals involved although men in general would not want to be in a relationship with someone that started off as a fwb partner.
Can you have a gf and a friend with benefits?
If you are in a non-monogamous relationship and it is a consensual relationship, it is not considered cheating. However, if your girlfriend does not know anything about you having a friends-with-benefits arrangement, you are cheating on your partner and you definitely do not deserve a relationship.
Is having FWB considered cheating?
You’re not cheating if you’re having a fwb, as long as both of you are single and you are not in a relationship. However, if any of you have started to date seriously, this should be made known to the other partner because ethically, the fwb arrangement should end.
Do FWB usually end up dating?
A lot of research has been carried out to understand the nature of fwb and if there is a chance of this connection ending up in a relationship. However, many research outcomes show that only about 10 to 15% of these type of relationships and up in a committed long-term relationship. This is particularly because it is difficult for people to regard a person seriously when the connection starts off being very flimsy and temporary.
