If you have landed here wanting to know the signs he is waiting for you to make the first move, you are not alone! If you’ve been making friends with a guy at your office or trying to get to know a guy casually but he’s keeping it cool and initiates awkward conversations, you may wonder if he likes you. As women, we do expect to be pursued and would love guys to make it explicit that he’s pursuing us.
But what happens when you know he actually likes you and not verbalizing it? It leaves you wondering if he’s actually into you or not and you start thinking if you should leave things as it is since he’s not making the first move.
We all know that nice guys finish last, and we know that it’s not because they are worthless but because they simply do not know how to express themselves. Knowing this, you actually think it’s worth giving them a second chance to see where things lead.
But how can you tell for sure if he’s into you and wants to get to know you? Here are signs he is waiting for you to make the first move. If you’ve noticed at least two to three similar signs from a guy you’re interested in, it’s safe to say that he wants to get to know you and he could very well be the gem you’re looking for all these while, as shy and introverted guys make the best partners we could ever ask for.
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts (actually speaking my thoughts as I am so excited to have found the speech-to-text dictation Google Chrome extension that saves me time typing – oh, and it is FREE) on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully and also when next time you are confused with dating icks, you can decide how to better teach your mind to discern between red flags or incompatibility and avoidant attachment dating style.
- Should Men Make The First Move?
- Is It Wrong For Women to Make the First Move?
- Types of Men Who Are Reluctant to Make The First Move
- Signs He Is Waiting For You To Make The First Move
- Women Should Not Make The First Moves If…
- What Women Should Remember When Making The First Move
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Should Men Make The First Move?
Although a man shows you the signs he is waiting for you to make the first move, should you make the first move? Should men just make the first move as it is the norm (?) in a relationship? Would a woman making the first move will result in men would lose interest in them? Would a relationship last if women pursue men first? I am sure you have landed here not knowing if it is alright to make the first move as a woman, as women value equality and men find it attractive when women express their feelings first. But, would it mean we are selling ourselves short? Where do we draw the line between moving confidently and pursuing men in desperation?
Dropping The Handkerchief
Women in the Victorian era would drop a handkerchief on the floor as they walked past a man on the street. The idea was that the man would then pick it up and return it to her, hoping that there would be a conversation between them soon after.
You may be thinking that there should be an equivalent “drop a handkerchief” version for today’s dating scene, as you wouldn’t want to make it obvious that you like a man, and that there is still a chance to let men lead the dating process. Ultimately, men making the first move would make women feel pursued and wanted! We cannot deny the fact that this dynamic of men pursuing and women feeling pursued plays an important role in ensuring the self-esteem of both women and men are in harmony.
Women need to feel like they are being chosen, and that they are attractive enough in the eyes of men. Men should feel like they are accomplishing something by pursuing women, and getting the women they want.
However, it is not absolutely wrong for women to make the first move in today’s dating world. When both men and women are focusing on achieving equality and giving women the space to voice their feelings, it is definitely not a sign of weakness if a woman chooses to initiate first in romantic relationships. Men like women who are confident and it could be a great turn-on as well!
Is It Wrong For Women to Make the First Move?
It is absolutely not wrong for women to confess first because:
- It eases their minds from not expressing their feelings: Imagine liking someone and not being able to express your feelings. It gets bottled up and you never know if the other person will make the first move, and waiting becomes a painful experience. By expressing their feelings, women get to ease their minds from something that has been bottled up within.
- It encourages women to be confident and voice their opinions: Women need to practice expressing their feelings to acknowledge their emotions and therefore, understand that it is not shameful to have emotions of any kind.
- It gives the guys a chance to identify girls they have overlooked – When women make the first move, men possibly could open their eyes to the fact that there are women liking them from afar and this encourages them to reciprocate love. A win-win situation eh?
Types of Men Who Are Reluctant to Make The First Move
1. Men who lack self-esteem – Men who have not spoken to women that much in their life, generally lack self-esteem. They are fear of rejection and would not make the first move. They could be having low self-esteem issues because of the way they look, their own self-perception, and past experiences that have hurt their confidence.
2. Men who are afraid of what women would think – Some men are super conscious of what women may think of them if they were to make the first move. They do not want to seem like a pervert, trying to take advantage of the friendship they have with the girls. They want to always be on the good books of women.
3. Men who have been hurt in the recent past – Men who have been badly rejected or gone through bad breakups may find it hard to open up to women. They may have trust issues and will not make the first move as it would put them in an emotionally vulnerable state. They would rather take things slow and get to know women casually first before they could gauge if it is safe to open up and be vulnerable with their emotions.
4. Men who lack social skills/shy/introverted – Ever come across men who are super shy and socially awkward? They may seem to be super boring guys who do not know how to strike up an interesting conversation with women. Flirting is not in their dictionary and they stammer a lot when talking to women, making them the least desirable “nice guys” who are actually safe to be with only if girls give them a bit of a chance for them to feel comfortable and talk openly to.
Signs He Is Waiting For You To Make The First Move
#1 He Texts You First Trying To Strike Casual (or Cringey) Conversations
One of the major signs he is waiting for you to make the first move is when he texts you first most of the time but only talks about casual stuff like things you had for lunch, your work, and other general day-to-day issues. Sometimes, overly repetitive questions may seem awkward and cringe, but he wants to stay in touch with you without directly talking about his feelings, with the hope that the both of you would talk about topics like love and relationships naturally.
While other men daringly ask about your relationship status, shy men would find it hard to open up on this. They’d rather talk about the newest celebrity couples in town, and find out what you think about marriage and relationships.
“You only date good-looking guys, don’t you?” This is what someone who wanted to get to know me said to me, thinking that I’d know he was interested in getting to know me! Lol!
#2 He Is Super Careful About What He Talks To You
He chooses his choice of words very carefully and that would result in a lot of pauses in between conversations. This would also mean that you would be leading the conversations, asking a lot of questions, and having him answer most of the time. And this can be a turn-off for women as one-way conversations can be quite boring and sound like an interview session. This is actually his way of making sure the conversation doesn’t go the wrong way by him asking you the wrong questions, and therefore wants you to lead the conversation and make the move first, putting him on the safe side.
#3 Tries Playing It Cool
Have you seen men who play it cool by replying to your texts late, or pretending not to see you when you caught them checking out on you? These are men who don’t want you to know that they like you. They do not want to seem desperate and therefore play it cool by giving off the friend-vibe. These are usually men who get friend-zoned by women as they are very cool to be around but never openly express their feelings, leaving them ignored by women who ironically are close to them.
The only difference between men who are actually friends versus men who are interested in you but want to seem like mere friends is their extraordinary efforts to take care of your needs. An untimely message asking you if you had lunch is not something a friend would do, especially if this has never been a norm between the both of you.
They expect you to make the first move as they don’t want to ruin the friendship that they have with you. However, without any clear signs that they like you, usually, women would never be able to catch the signs and make the first move.
#4 Tries To Understand Your Feelings And Be Your Super Hero
Getting jealous when another guy tries to get to know you or explicitly saying “Don’t talk to me about you liking another guy” is a sign that he likes you and it leaves you confused as he has never said it to you before. He has always seemed like a friend to you. This is one of the signs he is waiting for you to make the first move like asking if he likes you. This would ease his effort to open up to you.
The reason he gets jealous when you talk about another guy is that he is deeply invested in trying to understand your feelings, likes, and dislikes, and this makes him feel like a superhero, coming to your rescue when you need help. This is a way of expressing his love and concern for you, and eventually hoping that you would be able to sense his feelings and make the first move.
#5 Explicitly Shows He Is Nervous
Lastly, one of the obvious signs he is waiting for you to make the first move is that he gets nervous around you. No friend would ever feel uncomfortable talking to you as it would be a purely platonic friendship with no hidden feelings involved. But, when a guy likes you and does not want to make the first move, he is trying to drop all the hints possible to get the message across to you indirectly. He gets nervous when talking to you and conversations feel quite awkward and staged, as he tries to talk to you, even when there is nothing to talk about.
Women Should Not Make The First Moves If…
1. If you believe that making the first move makes you feel small and unworthy
No matter what society says about equality and women making the first move being normalized as time goes by, women expecting men to make the first move has long been the norm in society and women are also largely perceived to be unworthy if they approach men first. This has happened to me before as men thought it was inappropriate for women to express their feelings first. However, I did not let that affect me as it only meant that those men were not what I was looking for.
2. If you are too reluctant to express your feelings fearing what men would think
If you constantly worry about what men would think if you make the first move, do not do it, as it would put you in a state of anxiety. Men could think ill of you, especially if they are still backdated, and could not appreciate a woman’s effort and confidence in expressing herself. Men who are cheaters would also set you up for discreet dates when you express your interests first. They could be love bombing then ghosting you. So, unless you are confident enough to move on from shallow men, do not make the first move.
3. If you cannot accept rejection
If you are afraid of rejection, as it is bound to happen especially when you are not sure what men think of you yet, do not make the first move. Even if you do, you should be aware of the possible consequences to protect your mental health and emotional well-being.
What Women Should Remember When Making The First Move
Although you see signs he is waiting for you to make the first move, you should remember that it is not an invitation to fix his lack of communication skills. If you have made the effort to talk to them but they are finding it hard to reciprocate at the same pace, even after you have given them sufficient time, it is time to draw a line between giving them a chance versus moving on knowing that they are not on the same page as you. This is crucial so that you don’t feel like a failure. In fact, this applies to everyone, men and women, as it is important to know that it is not wrong to make the first move but you should know when to stop making the effort.
If you are not in a rush to get to know someone, and you are fine being friends with them even when they are not able to reciprocate your effort in getting to know them as a potential partner, it would be a good idea to stay in touch with them. You can date others and move on with your love life.
However, expecting them to change soon, and waiting around for the change to happen would simply add more pressure in your life, as you may not know if they would be ready to meet you where you are. The best way is to have someone meet you halfway as that is the only fair way to move things forward as a couple in the future.
If the man you are interested in cannot move at the pace you desire, chances are he may not be able to defend the relationship when there are bigger issues in the future. This may not just be a shy guy issue merely, but could be due to a much larger low self-esteem issue which he needs to work on before dating anyone.
Move on knowing that you have given him a chance after seeing the signs he is waiting for you to make the first move, and that he cannot match your efforts. Unmet expectations in dating can bring about dating fatigue. Don’t fall in love with potential.
How do you know if someone wants you to make the first move?
Things You Should Know about signs he is waiting for you to make the first move:
1. They text you first and make a lot of small talk, and sometimes talk about love and relationships indirectly
2. They are nervous around you
3. They get jealous when you are talking to someone else
4. They are shy when you talk about love and relationship
5. They are mostly quiet and prefer you to lead the conversation
Why would a guy wait for you to make the first move?
It depends on the guy’s personality and his circumstances especially if he doesn’t want to make the wrong move by asking you wrong questions. Also, if a man wants a woman to be confident, he would prefer a woman to express her feelings openly first, especially if he values equality.
How do you hint to a guy to make the first move?
Show him that you are interested and try and determine whether he might be interested, too. Women in the Victorian era would drop a handkerchief on the floor as they walked past a man on the street. The idea was that the man would then pick it up and return it to her, hoping that there would be a conversation between them soon after. You can give hints like revealing your relationship status to him and saying that you are looking to date someone nice. If he is interested, he will keep the conversation going.
How do you know if a guy thinks you’re special?
Wanting to keep tabs on you in many ways is definitely one of the ways men show they are interested in women. They would not let a day go by without checking on you. This could also mean texting you excessively or initiating awkward conversations. Sending you wishes every single occasion all year round is also a way of being in touch with you without seeming desperate.