Red flags when dating an older man? Are you in a relationship with an older man and have noticed some of the potential red flags and you want to gain some clarity about it?
There are definitely some crucial red flags š«£ when dating an older man that you should take note of although a huge each gap is not something that people should worry about because age means nothing if you connected with them spiritually and you both have the same lifestyle.
Iām Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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My Experience
I have been in a relationship with someone who is more than nine years older than me when I was in my twenties.
Although the chemistry was great and we could gel with each other well in terms of lifestyle and he was able to also infuse playfulness and fun in the relationship, what boils down to compatibility is the fact that two people should have shared values and similar life goals regardless of the age gap.
Just because someone is old to you, do not assume that they are mature enough and you will have great support from them, because age means nothing here when it comes to a relationship because you both will still need to fulfill each other’s needs and you will have to treat it like any other relationship and not hinge upon the age gap to give you an upper hand in the relationship.
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Red Flags When Dating An Older Man
- Imbalanced Power Dynamic
One of the crucial great flags when dating an older man is the imbalanced power dynamic in the relationship because of the age gap.
If your partner is trying to exert power and control over you just because he is older and he keeps reminding you that he knows more than you and he has experienced life more than you, it is definitely a red flag that you should take note of because this is going to turn into a toxic relationship where the man is definitely not going to be respectful to what you and consider your opinions in the relationship.
If you hear phrases like āyour age is my experienceā, it is time for you to run in the opposite direction and never look back.
- Gaps In Lifestyle
It is obvious that because of the large age gap, your partner would have grown up in a different era than you and may have experienced life in a different manner which would have greatly affected his morals and values.
He may be slower in adapting to technological gadgets and he may still prefer writing letters in the old-school way which you may find outdated and annoying.Ā
While a lot of older men can actually keep up with the trends in the younger generation by blending well with them, you should remember that because they can blend well it does not mean that they will completely turn into someone from your generation.
If you hear them criticizing your lifestyle and saying things like āpeople from this younger generation are not reliable and responsibleā, you should beware of upcoming potential criticisms, because they may not stop putting you down.
- He Compares You With Older Women
If you are still working on developing your skills like cooking skills and your career in general, and you hear your partner comparing you with all the women who have accomplished a lot of things in life and he wants you to take them as role models, you should reconsider the relationship because he’s not encouraging you to be yourself.
This is quite common in traditional men who have the tendency to compare their partners with their mothers and people from the older generation, thinking that they are perfect and that is how women are supposed to be.
Things can be worse if he compares you with his axes who are much older than you.
- His Intention To Date You
Is he dating you because of your age, is he considering you because you are good in bed and you are in the child bearing age?
Is he even dating you because he wants someone to take care of himself when he is much older and needs someone to take care of his health?
Or is he dating you because of your money and your ability to bring more money into the relationship?Ā
Regardless of the age gap, what you should always remember is to identify the real intention why someone wants to be in a relationship with you and the reasons should not be something superficial that hinges upon external factors like beauty or even selfish reasons like money and sex alone. You should be wary of dating single dad red flags too if he has kids.
- His Health and Wellbeing
Another part of red flags when dating an older man that people do not really think of is actually his deteriorating health and well-being. Is he transparent about his health and well-being with you?
If you are not careful about this, you may end up with someone who has concealed his health status in order to be in a relationship with you and guilt trip you with love when you finally find out that he has severe health issues that you need to put up with because you loved him and you made the commitment to take care of him.
Men in general depend upon caretakers when they are older, and usually, the caretakers are the spouses or even healthcare workers who are usually women.
There is no right or wrong rule when it comes to caring for an old man if you really love him, but this has to be communicated in a transparent manner so that you do not feel cheated after getting into a relationship with him.
Just Because You Date Older Men, Doesnāt Mean:
- You Can Expect Princess Treatment
One thing women should remember when they are in a relationship with older men is the fact that they should not be expecting princess treatment from the men because they are older than them.
Women have the tendency to think that if the age gap between them and their men is larger, they can take advantage of it and expect the men to spoil them with material things and excessive attention thinking that they have the upper hand in the relationship because they are much younger and feel entitled to be treated well.
- Men Are Mature
Just because you date older men, do not expect them to be mature in a relationship because age and maturity do not necessarily come hand in hand. š«£
You can still very much find men who are older that act very immaturely in a relationship and they do not have a sense of responsibility when it comes to taking care of the family. You could still run into dismissive avoidant breakup if he is not good at handling conflicts.
- You Can Rely On Them Financially
One of the red flags when dating an older man is the amount of money that they have. It can turn out to be a double-edged sword because there’s no certainty that you can rely on him financially as it’s not something given in a relationship.
Never get into a relationship with a man to depend on him financially even if he’s an older man.
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FAQs
What are the red flags in an older man?
He could be married or in a relationship. Once you have crossed the 30th birthday, and if you’re still in the dating scene, you will find a lot of men who are divorced and are going through separation. This is especially true if you are dating much older men because the probability of them having been married before or even being in a relationship is very high.
How do you know if an older man is serious about you?
Signs Older Guy Likes You
- He is upfront about his intention.
- He does not lie about his past.
- He integrates you into his life.
- He makes you a priority even if he has kids that he is attending to.
- He makes plans to move the relationship forward.
What should you not do when dating an older man?
Don’t put him down and make him feel jealous by mingling with younger men or guys of your age. Do not poke fun at his age and comment on his appearance to make him feel insecure.
Is a big age difference a red flag?
A big age difference is a red flag when people get into a relationship by expecting something from each other and this is especially true when women expect money from men and men expect sex from young women, which may not be sustainable in the long run.
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