What the heck is pre selection dating? If you are a woman who landed on this blog after searching for what pre selection dating means, you are not alone. It is rather a new term or lexicon in the dating scene that we have been seeing quite often and the reason times.
In short, pre selection dating means that women tend to select men who appear to be attractive to other women.
So, this can seem like a bias and this could also be a recipe for disaster if you are dating because you may dismiss men who seem to be unattractive in your perspective because maybe your friend thinks that he is boring.
So, to what extent does this pre selection dating can apply in your life and what should you be cautious about so that you do not make mistakes that can ruin your dating life?
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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My Experience
I have to be honest here that in my dating experience, I found men who have never been in a relationship in their lives to be extremely boring and I usually would avoid them at any cost.
And then, overthinking stepped into the scene and I was beating myself up for judging men too fast and started giving them more time to see if we had anything in common and if the attraction could grow over time.
As a result, I started dating men who were interested in dating me regardless of whether I was attracted to them or not. When I say attracted, I was not expecting the men to give me butterflies in my stomach or anything like that. Ideally, you should have a minimal level of attraction towards someone that you want to date.
However, I dismissed this need of mine to be attracted to them and you know, a lot of Dating gurus out there say that, you know, the slower burn dates are better than the hot first date.
So, I considered men who had very little dating experience and still tried to date them. However, I felt very little connection with them, not exactly because they lacked experience in dating, but because there was no initial attraction at all when we began to speak.
So, I don’t really look into how women have been attracted to them in the past, but I ask myself if at all I am attracted to this person even if my friends think that they are not good-looking. I have gone out on dates with men that my friends deemed not good-looking and they are not attracted to them. This is because I felt that I was attracted to them and my friends’ opinions never mattered much to me.
So, as a rule of thumb, I do not date men who I am not at all attracted to because this is not going to improve over time no matter what happens because attraction is subjective and if you don’t like them, you just don’t like them and forcing yourself to create a connection is not going to go anywhere.
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Pre Selection Dating Mistakes:
- Judging Him Being Boring
One of the pre-selection dating mistakes that women make is to assume that a guy is going to be boring just because he has no other woman who wants him.
It’s more like social proof to tell you that when more women are attracted to him, and if you are able to get him, it boosts your ego, and it makes you think that you have gotten someone who is desirable by women in general.
We also tend to think that when a man is less desirable, he does not have the ability to attract women and woo women in general. Women love to be pursued and given attention in the process of courtship as women see the importance of courtship in making them feel like they are being chosen by the guy.
So, if a guy is less attractive to a woman, return to assume that he is boring and he is not going to make the necessary efforts to text a woman, call her out, and make her feel that she is being pursued by a guy.
However, we will never know the actual story until we get to know this guy and see why he was never the center of attention of women. One thing that women forget is that men who have the attention of women and can attract a lot of women are generally players and they can deceive you easily.
So, a man seeming to be boring is not always a bad thing, as it goes to show that he may not be unnecessarily fishing for women’s attention or even going around cheating women by being in multiple relationships at one go.
- Shaming Him For His Lack of Sexual Experiences
I have to mention this because men tend to think that they need to have a lot of sexual experiences in order to please women because it is proven that women generally will be turned off by men who do not know how to take the lead in bed.
This has also become the reason why men tend to want to know all about sex and want to gain more experience sexually because they do not want to seem as inexperienced in front of the women that they love.
Therefore, women tend to think that if other women are not attracted to men that they are considering, they are going to be very bad in bed and it’s going to be a boring or even sexless relationship.
However, sexual compatibility and chemistry are something that is built in a relationship as two people start getting to know each other. It does not mean that if other women perceive him to be desirable, he is going to be your man when it comes to sexual compatibility because what is compatible for you is subjective and cannot be compatible with what is compatible for other women.
- Regarding Him As a Low Value Man
So, if a man is deemed unattractive by a lot of women, women tend to think that he is a low-value man, probably because he does not have a lot of money, he is not successful in terms of his career or even maybe he does not have the charm to have a romantic relationship with a woman.
Women tend to think that it is an embarrassment to pick a man that is deemed unattractive by other women because, who wants to feel small and like a failure, picking a man who is unattractive.
However, a lot of women fail to think that just because he is not a six-foot-tall guy, he is not going to be the best you can ever ask for.
Usually, men like this have a lot to offer but they have been rejected by women a lot of time to the extent that they have very low self-esteem and find it hard to recover from this impact.
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To What Extent Pre Selection Dating Is Okay?
- If They Have Difficulties Integrating With People
However, pre selection dating actually gives you some sort of hints about someone. Take this as the bank asking you for your credit score before they give you a loan. Or even employers asking for your employment history to gauge your work ethic.
If a man has never been in a relationship, even in his thirties, one thing to see is if he ever shows signs of having difficulties in integrating with people.
I did go out on a date with a guy who has never been in a relationship before, only to feel that he is being too mechanical in terms of communication and I noticed that he generally dislikes going out and talking to people.
This seemed to be like a turn-off to me because it shows that he lacks social skills to integrate with other people and women especially.
- If They Can’t Handle Women Who Have More Experiences
One of the possible red flags to look for in men who have never been in a relationship before all men who fail to attract women in their lives, is the sense of insecurity when it comes to a relationship with a woman who has had more experiences than him.
This is especially true because you do not have any reference point to gauge his dating experiences because you may never know how he is going to turn out in a relationship.
I’m sure you have heard of men becoming very insecure when their women earn more than them. In a similar analogy, you can imagine running into problems with men who are insecure if you’ve had more relationships in the past.
- If There Is A Valid Reason Why Women Don’t Choose Them
No, this is definitely a valid reason to see why you should take pre selection dating seriously because, if a man does not seem to be attractive in the eyes of women in general, there must be a reason for it. If he is a narcissist, or if he generally lacks the skill to be in a relationship and displays jealousy and controlling tendencies, nobody would want to be with him.
Therefore, preselection dating can actually save you a lot of time and energy in filtering men who are not up to any good.
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FAQs
What is pre selection in dating?
Preselection, from the men’s perspective, is the power to attract women at will and let women see that men are attractive to other women. Basically, men who are deemed attractive to other women are more desirable. The more women he can attract, the more desirable he will be in the eyes of women, women want them as a partner.
What does pre selected mean in a relationship?
Preselection is a form of social proof, that serves as an assurance that your partner is of high value and a lot of people want them, and therefore they have something valuable to offer in a relationship.
What is the pre selection theory?
Preselection theory shows that women are more attracted to men who have the ability to attract other women because women don’t want men whom nobody wants.
Why is preselection important?
Preselection makes you feel good about your choice because other people too think it is good. It is also a form of security as you don’t waste time on something that has no proof of being valuable to others.
