Seeing my situationship getting married makes me think of all the situationship red flags that I have missed in the past. As I’m writing this, I am recalling all of the moments in my life that I thought I was connecting with someone who was honest and would treat me like as humanely as possible, but it just didn’t happen that way.
If you are a woman reading this, you are probably so frustrated with being single for a long time that you have started questioning if you should ever walk on eggshells and be too calculative when it comes to dating.
I mean, it let’s say you have just gotten out of a relationship and you just do damn tired of thinking about getting into a relationship or you have been trying to get into relationship but it’s just not happening but, you just want the warmth of great company and you just want somebody to talk to.
It does not have to be someone that you would end up with as a life partner, but right now, literally right now, you have somebody that you can talk with. You meet a guy, and you both like each other, but you know that one of you is not emotionally available and does not see this going further than it is right now.
What is the harm of just having this person to talk with when you feel like talking to and just hanging out with when you feel like it? Would it actually backfire on you if you are not careful about situationship red flags?
Hi, I’m Jasveena! Blogging since 2013, I share tips & stories about navigating relationships and finding meaningful connections. Read more about me.
My Experience
I have come across multiple people on dating apps, and I have talked to so many of them in the process of trying to find my life partner. Some of them were nice to talk to, and I knew that they were not emotionally available, but I was not talking to anybody else, and I thought, what is the harm of, you know, just talking to them?
However, late into gauging what situationship is, I realized that people do not respect us the way we respect them. This is especially true with women from my observation as we are emotionally vulnerable most of the time. We tend to respect and have some emotional consideration towards people we are in touch with as companions for a short period.
However, men do not respect us the way that we respect them. For them, we are just another fling, and there is no emotional consideration whatsoever when it comes to people that they are just temporarily in touch with. They do not share their feelings with us, and most of the time, if you noticed, you wouldn’t know anything much about their personal lives except for the few things that they decide to reveal to you.
Even if you show that you are considerate and you tell them that you are seeing other people or you make sure that they know if you are going to end things with them, they wouldn’t necessarily do the same towards you. This makes you question if they ever respected you in the first place.
Things like ghosting you and then coming back to you when they think that it is convenient for them without anyone would just make you think if you are like a rubbish that can be discarded anytime. This is the reason why women should always beware of situationship red flags so that they can decide if someone is worthy of their energy and emotions.
Knowingly or unknowingly, women actually become the reasons why we are our own red flags when it comes to situationship.
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3 Reasons We Are The Situationship Red Flags
- We Give Them More Respect Than They Deserve
This is one of the biggest red flags ever in a situationship because if you have ever noticed that you text your situationship more than they would ever text you or if the go missing right after you guys meet up and then appear again after a few days, it goes to show that they are not respecting you even as a human being.
You are just being strung along and treated like a placeholder. If you are being considerate about their emotions, like sending them texts to check in if they are doing well and not ghosting them after spending time together, remember that they do not deserve your respect.
People who are givers should set boundaries better because people who are takers will rarely do so.
Also, respect should be earned and should not be given up front even before you know them well enough.
- We Expect More From Them
So, you actually spotted the red flags, but you still continue talking to them whenever they blow your notifications up with messages!
You kind of don’t like the way that they take more than they give in this connection, but you do not have the guts to actually voice that out or even set strong boundaries with them.
Why?
Because, you actually see something that you like in them and you think that things could probably change and that is because you expect more from them.
Imagine this: they have probably been sending you relationship-related reels on Instagram, and you think that they want to talk to you about commitments and preferences in relationships.
And because they are being ambiguous, you are not sure where you stand in their lives, and you are afraid of clarifying this because you are also being ambiguous.
You want more from them; maybe you just actually want some sort of company that you think it’s okay if they have been sending mixed signals.
I have been in this situation before because I did not have the guts to stop things as I knew that it would mean my life would be super lonely and my phone would not be ringing at all. So, I thought that I would just keep this person around until I find my person.
- We Refuse To Date Others Wholeheartedly
Sometimes, we are our own biggest situationship red flag because we refuse to date others wholeheartedly. This is mainly because we actually like something in the people that we have been in situationships with.
This is at least true for me because I have noticed that when a guy is excited to talk to me and is attracted to me, as in he likes to talk to me, has a good job, and somewhat fits the vision that I have for a life partner, I would end up tolerating him more than I should. I also think that I should be finding someone like this.
So, these people that I like talking to would become a benchmark when I am looking for a partner.
It is not wrong to want someone that we want. If we want someone who is good-looking, has a stable job, and can hold a decent conversation, that is absolutely not something wrong. But, without us realizing it, we often end up romanticizing this person, and we often manifest this person in people that we come across after that.
It’s just same shit and different person.
For this reason, we often refuse to date others wholeheartedly because we are kind of stuck with this person, energetically speaking.
Imagine going out on a date with someone new and then coming back home, scrolling your phone endlessly on Instagram and coming across your situationships new post and you romanticize it. It just messes up your energy.
How To Fix It?
- Fulfill What You Need From Them From Other Sources
I would strongly suggest you re-evaluate what you actually need from all your situationships and come up with an honest reflection on it. It could be your loneliness, or it could just be the need to talk to somebody, or it could just be your frustration driving you nuts because you have not been able to get into a decent relationship in the past that you would just accept breadcrumbs.
Or maybe you just want somebody to be able to text you and blow your phone up with text messages or calls every now and then.
Perhaps it is the physical intimacy that you are missing in your life that makes you want to hang on to your situationships longer than it should be.
After you have identified what it is that you are getting from this situation, do a simple Google search and find out how other people are actually overcoming this situation without being stuck with the wrong person.
It could be physical intimacy, and what you can do is book a nice massage session or get yourself a weighted blanket that would keep you warm and nice at night.
Do some volunteering work outside and engage with people so that it nurtures your soul more than just your superficial physical needs or even your needs to connect with people superficially.
Nobody has the exact answer to cure your problem, but you need to try different things and see what works for you.
- Find Out If They Are Respecting You?
Is situationship good? Well, so many people in this world actually come across so many wrong people before they could even meet their life Partners. We all know that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and that simply means that we bump into the wrong people most of the time.
However, it is crucial to identify if the person that you are in contact with is actually respecting you. Are you feeling fulfilled with this connection, or are you feeling tired with this connection?
Are they using you for their convenience? Someone in my past used to see me because he needed me to connect him with potential business partners where I live. That clearly shows he just wants to use people.
- Stop Romanticizing Them and Go No Contact If They Are Not Good For You
Like I said earlier, if you romanticize people who are not good for you, you will actually see different versions of them in different people in your future. What you need to do is to understand that you deserve something better than this and you deserve someone who respects you.
You need to be brave enough to embrace solitude and the very thing that you are afraid of embracing. Whether it is pain from loneliness or the pain of not having someone to talk to, pain is just going to go away when you are willing to sit with it.
Go no contact if they are not good for you because we all know that we need to have people who are good for us in our lives. It doesn’t matter if it is a situationship or a relationship or even a friendship. If it is not good for you, all you need to do is to cut the connection off.
Conclusions
So many women end up in frustration and disappointment when they finally realize that the guys that they have been in contact with during the hard times are not the nicest people on planet Earth.
It can disgust you during your healing period when you look back at these people because you would be wondering why you put up with these people and their filthy attitude in the first place.
Men hardly respect and have a high regard for women in general if they are not considering the relationship. It is hard to form a healthy friendship between women and men, especially if you have already noticed that it started off as a situationship.
