“Why do guys like situationships?”
“Is situationship a safe thing for me to explore?”
“Does he have respect for me or is he treating me like dirt?”
“How do I avoid becoming emotionally attached to him?”
“I want more out of this, but is this going anywhere substantial?”
“How long more to wait for the right person to come along so that I can end this situationship?”
“I am becoming more comfortable in this situationship, and I know this will backfire one day. How do I create boundaries?”
Have you caught yourself drowning in a whirlwind of thoughts trying to make sense of a situationship or wondering if it is something you can consider as a temporary solution to your needs? Weighing the pros and cons of a situationship and trying to understand the dynamic of one to see if you could navigate through the repercussions of it?
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts (actually speaking my thoughts as I am so excited to have found the speech-to-text dictation Google Chrome extension that saves me time typing – oh, and it is FREE) on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully.
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What Is A Situationship?
A situationship is best described as a relationship between two people where there is no plan to bring the relationship to another stage where commitment is involved. Typically, in a situationship, people do not start off as friends. There is physical attraction involved and possibly people could be romantically attracted to one another, but somehow cannot be together in a relationship.
Imagine meeting a man who ticks all the boxes but he doesn’t plan on having kids. Whereas, you want to have kids in the future with your partner. Probably you both like each other. Probably you both also have been dating for a while and are just sick and tired of dating and going through the Hamster Wheel of the dating process, and decide to stay in touch with each other until you both find someone who could meet all of your needs for an official relationship.
Let’s look at some of the essential components of a relationship and how these aspects can be absent or partially absent in a situationship (especially if you are wondering why guys like situationships and if it could turn into a relationship)
- Commitment: there is very little commitment involved especially talks about how long the situationship is going to last. Both parties know that it’s going to end someday, but you probably do not know exactly then. Every day that you meet could be the last day you see each other.
- Emotional Intimacy: In a lot of cases, people in situationship do share some basic level of emotional intimacy. They do talk about other things like work problems they face in life, and generally just about anything that comes to mind. However, the conversation does not have any depth and usually it’s just a general sharing.
- Physical Intimacy: Now, a lot of people in situationship actually get into arrangements for physical intimacy to fulfill their physical and biological needs. With some basic level of emotional intimacy and sharing of life happenings, it makes them feel that they are somewhat getting their needs fulfilled like it would in a typical relationship.
- Respect: respect is a huge part of any form of relationship. Both parties should be sensitive to each other’s feelings and should not further demand something that the other party cannot fulfill.
- Plans: people in situationship do not usually have regular plans to meet up. This is because there is no commitment made to each other in order to fulfill the needs they may have (well, if you think of it, even if you are in a situationship for sex, you cannot expect your partner to be fulfilling your needs because there is simply no commitment!)
- Introduction of Family Members and Friends: you may know a few things about each other’s family members and friends, but you have not met them and you actually know that you will never meet anyone of them.
- Personal Life Updates of Each Other: this is one of the hardest parts of a situationship whereby you hardly know if the other person is seeing anyone and it could come off as a shock when suddenly either one of you decides to end things as you have found a partner for relationship.
You may have heard of a lot of other terms like ” Friends with Benefits” and “one-night-stand” and you may be wondering how situationship is different from all these relationships that two people can have, especially when it seems like romance and commitments are involved, but they are not.
In “friends with benefits”, you have been friends for a long time with your partner, and will likely be friends even after your situationship has ended. You know a bit more about your friends’ family and friends, and you have a deeper emotional connection with your friends. In “one-night-stand”, you barely know the person and usually do not stay in touch after having sex with them.
Why Do Guys Like Situationships?
A lot of women wonder – why do guys like situationships? This happens as they are caught in a situation where it seems like a relationship but it is not moving anywhere. Let’s look at why it is a comfort zone for men.
- Lack of commitment: I guess this is self-explanatory because men do not want to deal with providing emotional support to women, they do not want to support women financially and they also do not want to deal with the possibility of having kids and raising them with women. However, they enjoy discreet dates and the illusion of being in a relationship that comes along with situationships.
- They just need sex: Again, this is self-explanatory because sex reduces this stress in people. It brings warmth and comfort, and a sense of belonging for a fleeting moment. It helps them unwind from all the stress at work and in life.
- Ease of access: when men are in a situationship with you, it means that they have access to you more often than any other form of relationship out there like a one-night-stand.
How Women Are Being Enablers of Situationships?
Now, let’s look at how women are actually being enablers of situationships. Because, let’s be honest, if more men have access to situationships, it could only mean that as many women are playing a part in making it happen.
- Women think that they can win over men using sex: Most women know that they are in a situationship but they think that over time, the love and affection that they have towards the apartment in a situationship will convince them to turn that into an actual relationship, which can happen, but usually doesn’t.
- Women too need sex: In a situation ship, it is both parties that require the physical needs to be fulfilled. It is just that women expect this situationship to last a little longer and get upset when it ends abruptly.
- Women being led on: “Is he stringing me along?” you always wonder if you are being led on. There are cases where both parties do not declare they are relationship as is a situationship. Women will usually refrain from asking men to label the relationship fearing that they would lose them. This leads to a fake hope that grows day to day, especially when women think that men have love intention, are going with the flow in a relationship, and want a relationship when actually that’s not the case.
What Are The Toxic Traits of Situationships?
We all know that situationship hurts. It may bring temporary comfort into your life but it is not something entirely bad. If someone brings you little happiness although you know that it doesn’t last long, all you can do is just enjoy the moment and accept the fact that even all good things come to an end. However, together with the uncertainties, people can treat one another badly in an arrangement that does not have a solid commitment. Let’s look at some of the toxic traits of situationships.
- You are being used at the other party’s convenience: you are more available to their needs and they disappear when they get what they want. Breadcrumbing traits can be seen where they keep you interested enough just to be able to come back to you when they need you.
- They end things abruptly: no concerns over your feelings, no empathy and no consideration of how you would cope when things end. They would just end things abruptly (say you had a good time today, and you don’t hear from them again from that day onwards).
- Lack of respect: needless to say, if you both have been in a situationship, but your partner decides to treat you like a slut, and abuse you emotionally, WALK AWAY from the situationship immediately. It’s very narcissistic to manipulate someone to feed their needs and later discard them when the need is over.
How To Decide If A Situationship Is Something You Can Consider?
You should understand that a situationship will always come with heavy emotional distress damages if you are not prepared for it. Ask yourself if you are an emotional person and if you could handle the separation with a person that you have been intimate with. Some people could handle this very easily as they usually do not attach themselves to people in depth.
If you have been single for a long time and you have a lot of unmet needs from a relationship, ask yourself what is it that this situation ship is going to offer you. If you need physical intimacy and would want to fulfill that alone for the time being, come to terms with the fact that you cannot expect much from situationships, especially in terms of emotional intimacy.
A lot of people in situationship arrangements meet one another more than once, and it is normal to expect a few more encounters with each other, whether immediately or sporadically. However, you should always be careful about reaching out to the other person especially if you find yourself initiating conversations and meetings more than the other person. It is highly possible that you are about to be dependent on them if your mind and body crave attention more than they do.
“All my friends are getting married and I am left alone. Let’s at least try being in a situationship with someone I like with the hope that it would lead to something substantial down the road”
If you find yourself saying that, chances are you are desperate and will set yourself up for disappointment later if you date to marry.
What does a situationship mean to a guy?
One that is in between a serious committed relationship, and just a hook-up. It is less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. A situationship ideally is convenient for a guy as he can come back to the woman when he needs her by giving her the bare minimum attention she needs. It is also a type of relationship where guys usually don’t develop anything beyond lust for the women.
What is the psychology of situationship?
It’s characterized by some level of emotional intimacy, spending time together, and often involves a physical and sexual component. People in situationship want the components of a relationship without the commitment of providing them to the partner over a long period of time. It is also characterized by the emotional and physical comfort and warmth people need before they find someone long-term.
Is a situationship just friends with benefits?
Situationships are “a hookup with emotional benefits,” whereby two people do not start off as friends. They are romantically attracted to each other but are not able to provide the commitment of a long-term relationship and therefore just decide to enjoy the sexual compatibility and warmth for a while. This is as opposed to the equally amorphous “friends with benefits,” whereby two friends become sexual partners and enjoy the benefits that come with a relationship.
How do you know if he wants a situationship?
Here are some signs you’re in a situationship:
- There’s been no define-the-relationship (DTR) conversation.
- You’re having sex and flirting around with each other, but you’ve both stated it’s casual.
- You haven’t met their family, friends, or colleagues.