10 Dates No Kiss: Can I Call It Quits Now?

So, 10 dates no kiss and you are wondering if you should just call it quits now, am I right?

So, just when you thought that you should call it quits, you have been seeing a lot of Dating gurus on social media or even your friends and family members who would have said that you need to give people time and you need to stop being too difficult to date. 

On the other hand, you feel like, “god damn it has been 10 dates and I don’t feel anything toward him. How long should I wait?”.

But, he’s a great guy and he respects me and everything else is just perfect should I be initiating the kiss? What can I do to improve things? 

Will attraction grow with time and can I actually just close one eye about this lack of physical attraction or intimacy that has not happened yet?

Let’s look into some of the practical advice and tips that you can follow to identify if you should call it quits or you should give it more time.

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My Experience

10 dates no kiss! I have no idea how that would feel because if really you’ve been on 10 dates with someone and let’s just say that the 10 dates span across a couple of months at least, and you have not kissed someone, it probably goes to show that either one of you are not comfortable with each other or probably the both of you just are feeling too shy about it. 

As a person who has never dated much in my 20s, I would say that you shouldn’t be dating just by basing on physical attraction alone because this is probably the recipe for disaster that you wouldn’t see coming at this point in time.

This is because, if you have not been exploring your dating life, the first thing ever that comes into your mind is to be validated for who you are and be acknowledged for your physical attractiveness. If you are a woman reading this, and you have never dated much in life, the first thing that ever comes to your mind is the question about your level of attractiveness. Am I attractive enough? Are guys going to like me? Are the guys going to want me? 

And then we have another thing that is also bothering us which is to get the hot guy in town because by having him liking us, it goes to show that we are worthy and we are desirable. However, it is these guys who give us butterflies in the stomach that will let us down really hard and we would learn our lessons the hard way (just like how I did).

So, meeting guys that would be attracted to us and that are kind to us is important but we should also remember that compatibility for a long-term relationship does not only come from physical attraction alone. 

However, that does not mean that we should dismiss the importance of physical attraction altogether. For me, I will always have this dilemma between wanting to get slightly physical with a guy I am dating and holding it back to identify if we are a good match first. 

This is because we certainly do not want to be seen as women who are easy to get. Also, when we get physical with the guy, it may change the perception that he has towards us and we don’t want that to happen. 

But 10 dates no kiss – it could very well mean that you guys have been going out for a while and if the both of you are attracted to each other but you have not kissed yet, I think it is a good sign because it just goes to show that you both have not initiated it yet. 

If I were you, I would try to be a little more romantic with him and be a little bit more flirtatious to see if the kiss happens. Probably he has other concerns like he’s not sure what you’re thinking about.

But, if you’ve been going on a date with him 10 times and you do not feel attracted towards him yet and you want to try kissing him to see if that happens, that feels a little bit more forced. At this point, you may want to reevaluate your attraction towards him because you wouldn’t want to end up being a roommate with him.

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10 Dates No Kiss: Why?

Let’s just see one of those things that may be holding you back from kissing each other.

1. You Never Spoke About It

This is a no-brainer because obviously kissing is not something that would normally happen after the both of you have explicitly discussed it but if also it’s not organically happening and the board of you have never spoken about it, it goes to show that you should be having conversations surrounding intimacy and get some private time with each other to get the both of you to be comfortable with each other the first.

Just a simple conversation that includes “Would you like to kiss me” would be a game changer.

2. You Both Are Reluctant

If it is the first time for the both of you to be having a serious relationship and if it is obvious that the both of you are shy and reluctant, although you want to kiss each other, what happens is that, the both of you are wondering if asking to be kissed as a bad idea because you both do not want to give a bad impression when you are dating. 

When you’re being super careful and you do not want to ruin things comma you are not being your authentic self, especially in a relationship. I would say that topics surrounding kissing and intimacy should be discussed and whether or not both of you have similar opinions on these topics, you should try to find out what the other person is thinking about. 

Now, if you have very extreme opinions about intimacy – let’s say your partner thinks that she doesn’t want to kiss until marriage and you are not okay with it, it could be a sign that the both of you are sexually not compatible.

3. Either One Of You Are Not Interested In Intimacy

When you look at women in general who want to settle down, they probably wouldn’t keep intimacy as the top priority that they are looking for when they are dating. All they want to do is to see if the guy has similar values and if he is dependable. For some women, it does not become a problem if kisses are not involved when dating.

I know it sounds a lot like a platonic relationship, but if a kiss is important to you, you should talk about it because only then you will know what your partner is thinking about kissing.

4. Your Partner Could Be Asexual

Now, have you ever wondered if your partner is asexual? If you have never spoken about intimacy and you have not been intimate with your partner even after 10 dates no kiss – this could be a signal that you should be talking about it right now, like today. 

If your partner is asexual and they have not revealed that to you because probably you have not discussed it with them explicitly, it is going to be a huge problem in your relationship down the road because intimacy is being compromised over here and you do not want to be married to a partner that you cannot have sex with because they are not interested in it.

How Important Is Spark In A Relationship? 

1. Platonic Relationship?

Platonic relationship refers to romantic relationships that do not involve physical intimacy. A couple can be sexually attracted to one another but they choose not to have physical intimacy because it’s not really important for them and they only looking for an emotional connection with each other.

While the attraction or spark can be present in a platonic relationship what you need to ask yourself is a preference when it comes to relationships.

2. Sexless Life – Is It Possible?

So, sexless life, is it even possible? Well, definitely it is possible. Let’s say you are looking at couples who are into their 60s and are getting married for companionship.

Also, people have all sorts of arrangements when it comes to sex and marriage. We have seen people getting into open relationships because one partner is not physical anymore for sex and the marriage becomes an open relationship consensually because both partners are concerned about each other’s happiness. 

So, if you are looking at emotional compatibility and it’s okay for you to have a sexless life, it all boils down to the arrangement that you are having with your partner. But, I guess, if you google 10 dates no kiss, it goes to show that physical intimacy is important to you.

3. Sexual Intimacy – When To Assess?

Should I have assessed sexual intimacy earlier on when I’m dating? So, have you ever thought about trying to get intimate with your partner during the second or third date because you just want to make sure that you are attracted to them? But again, you are confused coz you are also not sure if this is appropriate. 

So, when do we actually assess sexual intimacy? If you have been following Matchmaker Maria and if you are aware of her 12-date rule – she tells women not to have sex with anyone that they dating until it is 12 dates. 

This is because it takes quite some time for two people to discuss important aspects of life like values and future directions of life. And you wouldn’t want sex and the hormones to be blinding you just because you have amazing sex with this person.

However, not having a kiss by 10 dates can be something too decent when it comes to dating. Lol. I would definitely say that you should be trying to kiss someone at least by the fifth or the sixth date because it would signal the both of you that the physical attraction is there but you just do not want to explore something more at this point in time because you’re still getting to know each other.

4. The Expectations of Both Partners

You wouldn’t want to kiss someone who would find it hard to resist physical attraction if you kissed them. Also, there are a lot of people who save intimacy and kisses for something really special and it all boils down to the expectations of both partners.

Therefore, it is extremely important to have a casual conversation about kissing and intimacy just to make sure that you do not come across as rude or inconsiderate if you are trying to kiss someone.

5. How Long To Wait For A Kiss?

Why do guys never want a relationship with me? If you are a woman reading this, maybe you should look into the dating preferences of your partner because, for men, physical intimacy is important. So while you are not been thinking about kissing, your partner may be having a hard time trying to convey his preference to you.

If kissing is really important to you, and you want to be respectful towards your partner, I would suggest talking about physical intimacy around the fifth date and trying to initiate kisses by the sixth date because if the both of you are attracted to each other and you feel that this is going to be promising, your partner should be comfortable kissing you too.

A lot of people would have figured out quite a bit by the fifth date and if you are still going strong by the fifth date, there is some level of assurance that this is going to be working out just fine for the both of you.

What Are Your Values Surrounding Physical Intimacy?

I know this can sound awkward but if 10 dates no kiss is something that you are Googling right now because you feel ashamed to talk about this to your partner.

1. I Wait Until Marriage

You need to identify if your partner is planning to wait until marriage to be physically intimate and if this ever includes kisses as well. If you could respect his or her decision, then ask yourself if you’re okay with it.

2. Physical Intimacy Is Not Important For Me

Some people, don’t care if the kiss is bad or if the physical intimacy is not an over-the-moon kind of experience because all they care about is how good of a person you are and how emotionally compatible the both of you are.

I know that a lot of people actually try to kiss because they want to see if the kiss is good and try to judge someone based on the kiss, but also on the other hand, if you were to judge people by physical attraction alone, it could lead you to be missing out on a lot of good men or women just because you think that the kiss was not great.

Like anything, physical intimacy kisses, and intercourse are all something that you can improve with your partner because with communication things get better.

FAQs

How many dates is too many without a kiss?

A lot of people think that the first kiss is a little bit too soon for people to kiss each other but again this really depends on how comfortable two people are with each other. However, if you have been on 10 dates no kiss, that can signal that it is a little bit too much because by then, you would have known if the person is compatible for you or not. Let’s just say that you meet once a week – 10 dates is already slightly over two months and around two months, people can actually tell if this is the forever person or not.

Can you be dating without kissing?

A happy relationship can happen without kissing extensively if this is not something both partners are interested in doing. In a relationship, as long as both of you are happy with each other, it does not matter what the relationship rules say.

Is it normal to not kiss on a date?

It is normal to not kiss on a date and this actually depends on a lot of factors like where you are dating and also the cultural aspects of Dating as well. If your culture does not encourage publicly displayed affection, kissing can be hard and that does not necessarily signal that something is wrong with the connection. However, if you have been on a few dates and you want to kiss your partner but they are not up for it, it could be a sign that you both are not compatible.

How many dates for the kiss?

If you really want to make sure that you are on the same page in terms of values and compatibility with this person before you kiss, you can wait until the 5th date to comfortably kiss each other because even if it blooms into physical intimacy probably the both of you wouldn’t regret it.