Should Guys Pay For Everything In A Relationship?

Should guys pay for everything in a relationship, especially when both men and women are working in today’s world? From dates to household expenses in a relationship and finances related to children, money is an important aspect of living a happy life.

With equality and feminism being more prominent now, we still argue about who should pay for dates. Women feel they are not well taken care of in a relationship when they need to pay for their expenses. Men feel that women are just gold diggers who exploit men for monetary gains.

Where do we draw the line between feminism and chivalry? How can women help men take the lead in a relationship and also help ease men’s burden financially?

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I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.

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A couple having a simple pre-wedding shoot, in a desert area, with the man kneeling down on a picnic mat facing the woman, making us wonder if Should Guys Pay For Everything In A Relationship?

Feminism and Chivalry in Dating

With more women working in today’s world, women prefer taking the lead when it comes to paying in a relationship. And this starts early on during dating in the present day where women now pay for dates. They do not expect men to be paying for the expenses in a relationship as that would mean they taking advantage of men and their money.

This is more of the views of feminists where women are encouraged to take responsibility when it comes to finances in relationships as they do not want to be seen as the weaker sex expecting financial support from men. 

Paying for a woman’s dinner is seen as a courteous and gracious gesture, just as it is to do the same for a man. However, the strict adherence to traditional chivalry places the responsibility solely on men when, ideally, acts of courtesy should be extended by individuals to each other, irrespective of gender.

Hence, that is why with concepts like feminism and equality in place today, it is thought that chivalry should be dead.

However, even though a lot of traditional gender-based dating and relationship rules are being broken through modern concepts of equality and feminism, women still complain that chivalry is dead and men are not treating women with care and kindness when it comes to dating and relationships. Women think that men are not taking the lead in dating and relationships.

This primarily happens because, by nature, women like to be pursued by men, and that means that a man taking the lead in dating and also paying for dates shows that he is more interested in the woman. Women feel pursued and therefore makes it easy for them to open a heart and reciprocate the love for the men.

So, when more and more women are willing to take the lead and pay in a relationship, some men take advantage of the situation and prefer to just sit back and relax while the women do everything from planning to paying for dates.

In order to have a balance here in making sure that the women feel pursued and men still treat women well during dates, it is okay for men to pay but men should also give way for women to pay for dates if they prefer paying for it.

The overall idea is to make sure that the women feel secure and not being taken advantage of just because they could pay for dates, as we see men taking the back seat when it comes to effort in dating and relationships.

This is also generally true because more men shift the financial burden on women just because women are now more capable of earning money and in some cases, women in households do earn more than men.

Gender Pay Gap 

It is thought that the gender pay gap actually happens because concepts like chivalry put pressure on men to earn more than women in order to provide for women and also families in general.

Should guys pay for everything in a relationship? If you say yes, it means that men would think that they are entitled to earn more than women in a corporate setting because they have families to feed. This is the common scenario that we have been seeing in the corporate world where women doing the same job are being compensated less than men.

For these exact reasons, feminists think that women should be paying in a relationship and also when it comes to dating so that it does not look like women are expecting men to finance them.

When a relationship is equal, it is only wise for both parties to shoulder responsibilities together. It is thought that when it is made the new norm where women shoulder equal responsibilities financially, that would be a positive shift in closing the gender pay gap and we would be able to see women being compensated more in the future.

Gender Roles in Dating

Traditionally, when it comes to dating and relationships, men take the lead. Men express their feelings, men pursue women, and men ask for women’s hands for a relationship and marriage.

However, as time evolved, women thought that it was only right for them to have the freedom to express their feelings, and this includes the ability to express their feelings first without waiting for men to make the first move.

With this freedom, comes the modern dating rules and norms like normalizing women making the first move and proposing to men. We even see drastic changes in various aspects that were once very rigid in dating. Men now shift and move to women’s places if there is a more convenient arrangement for them.

This only means that men are embracing the feminine side of them, whereas women are being more dominant and masculine. This leads to more problems in marriages where men let other women take the lead financially but do not share household responsibilities, and let the woman struggle with both work and house chores. 

This is primarily the reason why some women think that traditional gender roles in dating and relationships should be brought back because women have given up their freedom when they shoulder more responsibilities.

Let’s look at the scenario where men do not pay alimony and let the women raise children by themselves financially. In a way, women having independence is a double-edged sword, as men take the easy way out of the relationship, knowing that women can handle things financially.

Should guys pay for everything in a relationship? Although you can pay for dates and finance the relationship as a woman, let the men do their part and make sure that you are not being taken advantage of just because you are paying for the expenses in a relationship.

Importance of Courtship 

It is important to remember that the process of courtship is there to create intimacy and closeness in a couple. It is where both the men and women would be able to understand each other and have a sense of trust among them. 

As women, we give birth to children and care for them more than men could in a relationship. Therefore, it is normal for women to gauge the ability of men to provide some level of financial security or at least assure women of financial security so that they can focus more on raising children. 

During the process of courtship, it is only right for guys to step up and offer themselves to pay for dates as this would show their ability to treat women properly. Chivalry plays a role here, and this is where women would feel more confident and loved by the men they are dating.

It does not have to be something expensive, and women should not expect men to shower them with expensive luxury items and diamonds just to prove their love. Every time a man does simple things to assure her financially and also emotionally, it strengthens the relationship dynamic.

Reversing The Gender Roles in A Relationship: The Implications

When traditional gender roles in a relationship are reversed, what we see are more feminine men and more masculine women. This would mean that more women are now shouldering responsibilities financially in a relationship but the traditional role of caring for children and doing the household chores, is still mainly under the women’s responsibility.

Women are now enforcing equality when it comes to sharing household chores, and it is undeniable that more and more women are being supported by men when they decide to shoulder responsibilities equally. 

However, disrupting the natural dynamic in the energies of men and women leads to disharmony in a relationship. It is in the men’s innate nature to care for families and be the provider, and when this need is being downplayed, men feel useless and do not have a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in the relationship.

Women, on the other hand, are care providers. Although women are now more independent and have learned to receive love and care, instead of just being the sole care provider in a family, it is in their innate nature to care for another being, and that is why we see more single women becoming single moms by choice because they still do have a very strong maternal instinct.

Should Guys Pay For Everything In A Relationship? 

Should guys pay for everything in a relationship? It would always be a nice gesture when guys step up to pay for dates and finance the relationship to a certain extent. However, this does not stop them from receiving women’s offers to pay for dates. 

The entire idea is to retain the feminine and masculine gender dynamic in a relationship whereby men should not take the back seat just because women are now more capable financially. At the same time, women should not be gold diggers and expect men to finance their lives for free. They should also pay for dates and chip in financially so that the men do not feel like they are being taken advantage of.

My Experience

Should guys pay for everything in a relationship? If I’m going on a date I will always choose a place that is not very costly, especially if it is a first date, because the man does not have an obligation to splurge on me. I would also love when they step up and offer to pay for dates, knowing that it is not going to strain them financially. It gives a good feeling when men pay for absolutely affordable dates.

When it comes to relationships, I would always offer to pay for expenses while also ensuring that men are not taking the back seat just because I can pay.

Let them put in the effort first and do not give room for men to become lazy and stop treating you well, just because you are kind enough to make things easy in a relationship. That is how women end up shouldering more responsibilities and feel neglected in the end. 

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FAQs

Are boyfriends supposed to pay for everything?

In today’s dating scenario, men aren’t expected to pay for every date. However, it would be nice for men to step up and offer to pay for dates as this shows that they are dependent financially and they do not shift the financial burden entirely on women just because they are now working and have some level of ability to spend.

Should the guy in the relationship have to always pay?

If girlfriends want to pay for dates, the boyfriend should not insist, this would make her feel that she is not contributing anything during the dates. As we are living in the modern world where relationships are equal and more women are working, men can sometimes enjoy dates being paid for.

Should one person pay for everything in a relationship?

A vast majority of millennials believe that the partner making more money should pay for most things in a relationship. This highlights the pay gap between partners,  where probably the partner making less would be shouldering more responsibilities like household chores, and therefore it is only right for the partner that earns more to pay more for most things in a relationship.

Should a guy always pay for the girl?

Nopes, that doesn’t means he likes you. Perhaps he asked you out because he’s interested, but that alone isn’t a guarantee. When a man covers the bills, it might be perceived as an act of chivalry. Men often see it as a simple gesture for a dinner or lunch date, thinking, “Let me take care of this.”

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