7 Facts About People Forcing Conversation In A Relationship

Thinking of double texting a guy but afraid of forcing conversation in a relationship? What about the guy you saw on a dating app, who hasn’t reached out to you to make plans or communicate further since the first day you both matched?

Or even, you could have had an amazing conversation with a guy until he withdrew from you suddenly and you are doing everything you can “to be there for him” and “salvage the relationship”, but to no avail.

You want an organic relationship where you go with the flow intentionally to date looking for something serious, but also want to fast-forward communication, cutting all these endless “how are you”s and “what’s for dinner”s. 

Forcing conversation in a relationship happens because people don’t understand how to communicate with their partners, and this trait often stems from the dating phase itself. While one person shuts down, the other starts forcing conversation in a relationship because they are anxious. 

But what does it tell about the ones who get anxious when someone doesn’t talk to them? Let’s look at how to save yourself the heartache because you should understand that love is reciprocal.

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I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.

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Why Are People Forcing Conversation In A Relationship?

Let’s try to understand why people could be forcing conversation in a relationship and what it actually tells about them so that we can understand things from their perspective full stop if this is you, you can understand yourself better and try to infuse changes from within so that you don’t reach out to people compulsively.

  1. They Fear Rejection

Forcing conversation in a relationship happens because people feel rejection. This is actually a pretty common reaction for anyone who loves people in their lives. I mean if you love your partner and suddenly you find your partner withdrawing emotionally from you, this would definitely rile up your anxiety.

This goes to show you are pretty much normal and a human being that has emotions. This happens because you fear rejection from your partner or your loved ones. 

It activates the flight or fight mode in the nervous system and you start feeling anxious because you fear your partner and all your loved ones will leave you forever.

  1. They Have Poor Boundaries

Another reason for fasting conversation in a relationship is because it stands from someone having poor boundaries and not respecting other people’s boundaries as well. 

If you used to text a friend every day, and you noticed a significant drop in reciprocal communication from your friend without any explanation, what you can do is immediately slow down your conversation with the friend. 

While it is a good gesture to ask your friend for an explanation, this may not be feasible all the time. This is especially true if you both are working adults. Your friend might have some sort of emergency to attend to or an emotional breakdown that cannot be explained at this point in time.

This goes for any relationships that come out even if the ones that involve romantic connection. If you are dating someone, and they do not respond to you suddenly, give them some time and respect their boundaries, whatever the reason may be. If they care about the relationship, they would come back to you with reasonable excuses for what had happened during the time they went missing for a bit.

We tend to think that we are a priority for people that we are dating, and hence we put a lot of expectations on them to fulfill our needs, and this includes the need for constant communication.

  1. Desperate for Attention

Imagine a child who is trying to say something to the parent, but the parent is just busy doing something else and not entertaining the kid, the kid would definitely go cranky and cry louder in order to gain the attention of the parent. 

We all have this child inside of us even if we are adults now. We require attention from our partners and I would love ones. When that is not given, it gets a little bit hard for us to digest the rejection when we need attention the most.

  1. They Are Insecure

Forcing conversation in a relationship also happens because people are insecure. They feel that when partners withdraw from communicating with the comma they are not good enough, maybe the partners are looking for attention elsewhere or even they have the guilt of not doing something to the expectation of the partners.

This is because they tie the sense of security with their loved ones, which is pretty much understandable because we are all social beings, and living in a community gives us a sense of belonging and love provides us a sense of security and safety.

  1. Doesn’t Get Enough Attention As a Kid

Some people love addiction more than others because as a kid, they have not received enough attention from their parents and caretakers. The inner child wound tends to play up when they don’t get enough attention as adults, and this is especially true because adults tend to throw tantrums towards their partners and their loved ones. 

As a result of it, they have a tendency of forcing conversation in a relationship, to ensure the child in them feels safe enough.

  1. They Feel Alone Deep Inside

People who have been single for a very long time, people who have been living alone abroad, people who have lost their connection with loved ones because of family feuds – all of them have been deprived of meaningful connections with people. Sometimes, it is not about the quantity of people that we have in life, it is more about the quality of people that we have in life.

So, if you have never had sufficient quality connection with people, you would end up craving for more connection from more people, because you feel thirsty even after you’ve been given enough water to drink.

This is why people say that quality connection matters the most full stop because even a quality half an hour conversation with a friend that you love most or your partner who is giving your undivided attention for you for the half an hour that he or she spends with you, you feel heard and seen and loved and wanted. 

People forcing conversation in a relationship happens because they have not experienced this for a long time.

  1. They Tie Their Worth To People’s Presence 

Forcing conversation also happens because people tie their worth to the presence of people. Have you seen people who cannot live on their own even if it is for a few days? This is because they have gotten used to the presence of people around them and also always having conversations with people, to the extent that not having people to talk to or bumping into people who are silent makes them feel restless.

I am not saying that you should not get your needs met, but if you’re in a situation where people are not reciprocating effort, you should walk away and ground yourself instead of craving for communication with them.

What To Do To Avoid Forcing Conversation In A Relationship?

  1. Stop Reaching Out Compulsively

If you have been sensing that someone is trying to withdraw from you, what you need to do is stop reaching out compulsively if you have tried reaching out to them in the past.

Call them once, text them once and if they care enough, they will circle back to you.

  1. Learn To Sit Alone When You Are Restless

It can be tempting to understand why they have suddenly gone quiet or why your partner is not giving you the attention that you need.

But you need to learn to sit alone when you are feeling restless because reaching out to them when you’re feeling restless would just make things even worse. 

Happiness is like a butterfly, you cannot chase them but you can sit still and they will come to you. Connections are also similar. That is what happens when you are feeling restless as well because you are not going to get the response from somebody that you are eagerly awaiting for.

  1. Accepting That Conversation and Connection Cannot Be Forced

You have to accept that conversation and connection cannot be forced. It is true that human relationships take a lot of work in order to sustain but in many cases, because of our daily stress level at work and many other things, people are not able to communicate and verbalize emotions properly.

If you naturally connect with someone that is great. However, if that connection breaks down, it is not just your responsibility to mend the relationship. Knowing this will allow you to walk away gracefully.

  1. Accepting That Human Relationship Changes

Human relationships change a lot. You could have been close to your siblings once upon a time. However, when they have grown up, you might have not heard from them as often as you would in the past.

Similarly, in a romantic relationship, people could be more lovey-dovey in the honeymoon phase. This changes as the couple goes through the stress and emotional turmoil that comes with life in general.

  1. Putting Your Self-Respect Above Everything Else

One of the most important things to remember when forcing conversation in a relationship is that they should put their self-respect above everything else. 

It doesn’t matter if the relationship is something very important to you like your spouse, your parents, or even your siblings.

Every single thing has its limits and once you’ve tried enough, you should know when to walk away.

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My Experience

I have had a friend who was kind of interested in me but got jealous when I talked to other men, So, I withdrew from him, although he tries to text me every month, trying to force conversation – things like “How are you” and “how is business” umpteenth times. I had to remind him why I didn’t feel comfortable with him and then I only got messages for birthdays and festivities.

As an introvert, I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. And, I am sure you know what it feels like to have fewer friends back in school and not be the most popular student or the most liked student even in your class. 

If you have always been kind of like the low-profile student, and prefer staying with a few friends rather than making a lot of friends, I am sure that you can relate to the feeling of being afraid of not having enough people in your life or even the fear of rejection.

If your best friend goes to find a new friend, I am sure you feel like “Why would she need a new friend and I’m here for her”?

And then, if you fight with your friend or even your sibling, it hurts you a lot because you cannot stand not having people talking to you. 

That was me, and I struggled with having a lot of friends around me to the extent that I even tried to change my personality and become an extrovert so that I could have a lot of friends around me and I don’t need to feel bad if someone doesn’t talk to me.

However, that never bodes well with me because I am naturally an introvert and I cannot spend my energy talking to a lot of people.

So, how did I recover from the anxiety of losing people around me, especially since I’ve been living alone since 2019 and trying to date at the same time? Did I mention that I also work on my own, and that means I don’t have a lot of co-workers with me like other people do?

l how to learn how to sit with my feelings especially when communication is not going well with someone I love so that I don’t end up chasing them and I give them enough space for them to process their emotions and come back to me if they want to.

I also give myself Grace because I understand that I may have it harder than other people given the situation that I am living in right now, which could be prompting me to reach out for connection and sometimes this can be a double-edged sword.

FAQs

How do you tell if you are forcing a relationship?

Signs You Are Forcing a Relationship

  • Ignoring Red Flags – If you already know a person is not good for you, but still choose to force the relationship, this will not end well.
  • Overthinking – If you are taking too much time thinking about why someone is not talking to you, it is a sign you are forcing a relationship

Why is he forcing a conversation?

He doesn’t want to be in a relationship though he likes the girl. This is especially true if the girl is no longer interested in him – because he is not giving him what she wants, which is a relationship, but he wants to keep the communication alive, without taking into account her concerns.

How do I know if I’m the problem in my relationship?

If you have an avoidant communication pattern and fear vulnerability, you will avoid communication with your partner. If you usually withdraw when facing difficult emotions, your partner will find it hard to relate to you. This could also lead to further issues down the road in the relationship.

What to do when someone is forcing you to talk?

You can protect your energy when someone forces communication by:

  • Staying away from them.
  • Tell them why you don’t feel comfortable talking to them.
  • If they persist, remind them that they are crossing your boundary, which makes you even uncomfortable.
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