We all know that love is reciprocal. However, in the world of modern dating, deciphering the codes of affection can feel like navigating a labyrinth blindfolded. You meet someone captivating, and you go out on a great date with them. As the excitement of the first date fizzles out, you find yourself initiating texts more than ever.
In-person dates are great, but the lack of effort to have consistent communication in between dates makes you wonder if this person is even into you. Is it too fast to gauge interest? How do you know if you need to give them more time or call it quits? Are you just having anxious attachment issues or is your need for reciprocity a valid concern?
Let’s look into the reason why you should slow down “efforting” and see if your efforts are reciprocated to avoid dating wishy-washy guys!
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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You send them a meme, flirt, or even a well-meaning text, and they leave you on read. Could there be a bigger problem than this in dating?
If you are new to the term text compatibility, it is an actual “thing” in the dating world nowadays after the smartphone has dominated our lives and changed the way we communicate with each other.
With social media, we tend to share a lot of news with friends and families, and when you start dating someone, you also naturally want to integrate them into your lives. However, sometimes due to the workload and the nature of our work, we may not be able to respond to messages instantly.
Some people get turned off (it’s the dating ick or it could also be the avoidant attachment dating style) by memes and GIFs, some prefer to pick up the phone and converse over call, while some tend to have anxiety if they know that people are expecting them to text back immediately.
For some, consistent communication every day matters even if it is just a few texts. For some others, flirtatious and random texts make them feel that you are thinking of them. You may not need to respond to them immediately and may continue the conversation over the phone call later in the evening. This guarantees continuity in communication which some people prefer.
Early in the phase of dating, it is very important to understand the preferences in communication. Even text messages require reciprocity. If you are the only one sending memes and flirts and they are not being reciprocated in any way even when you meet face-to-face, your partner may think that you are ignoring them.
This could also be more about love languages, and talking openly about this would help to create more intimacy if your partner is willing to meet your needs. Reciprocity in the effort to resolve conflicts shows that they care as love is reciprocal.
Too many memes could take up space and the phone storage. You may never know!
The Little Things That Matter The Most
It’s usually the little things that matter the most in pursuing love. I went on a second date with a guy, just before he had to leave for another city that he is currently working in, which is about three hours away from where I am. It was 10:30 p.m. and we only met for about an hour and a half. I felt bad as it would take up his nap hours but he reassured me that he was fine with that.
So, I stayed awake just to see if he had reached home safely, and he thought it was a nice gesture.
Effort as well as love is reciprocal and it usually has nothing much to do with money and how much you splurge on your partner. It’s simple how are you, how was your day, have you eaten and other efforts that we don’t value much but they mean the most.
Love is Reciprocal – Even in the Dating Phase
When someone is not into you or has started to pull out from the intensity of the communication that you used to have, it is a signal that they want to slow things down and maybe they have lost the interest that was initially there.
It is funny how people usually say that text messages are hard to read and it is not a good way of communication, but we can sense, to an extent, what someone feels about us. Are they sending you double texts? Are they being consistent with messages every day? Or are they only texting you at night?
All these signal something very important about how invested they are in you and what their intentions are potentially towards you to build an organic relationship.
If you feel that they are not reciprocating effort or only being in touch with you at their convenience, not talking about plans of dating, only focusing on small talk, and ignoring the more serious conversations, chances are it may not go anywhere further.
What’s Your Love Language?
You may have already known that there are Five Love Languages of people in general: Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
If your love language differs from that of your partner, you will have a mismatch and meet each other’s needs until and unless you talk about it. In a lot of cases, people are not able to reciprocate love because they do not know their partners’ love language.
For instance, while I enjoy face-to-face communication when dating people who are not living in the same city, I expect consistent communication through either phone calls or text messages. I cannot afford to let the interest wear off until we meet next, as that is just not practical in this world that we live in.
As word of affirmation is my primary love language, I usually appreciate people who are good listeners, and I have to make that clear to the person that I am talking to. For instance, you can simply send them a message asking if they have heard of The Five Love Languages and what their primary language is.
Most of the time, when someone likes you, you can tell that from the vibe they give off although they do not share the same communication preference with you. How they try to meet your needs, on the other hand, will show you how much they like you and how much they want to make things work with you.
You can probably voice out some of your concerns and past experiences in dating that may give you anxiety when someone blows things hot and cold, and this could help people understand where you are coming from better and improve the way they communicate with you.
“I’m okay with text messages or even phone calls, but when someone does not text me in a day or two and has not tried to reach out to me through phone calls, it does give me a little bit of anxiety about being ghosted – so I usually appreciate consistent communication, even if it is a short call to check-in.”
Asking is definitely a way to get your needs met. However, we are usually reluctant to ask questions fearing that it would be turning them off. What we need to remember is asking for what you need from the right person will never be a problem.
Gender Roles in Dating – A Myth or A Valid Concern?
Should men text or call first to initiate conversation all the time? Who should text first in dating has been a debate for quite some time. The women want to make sure that men are interested in them and express that interest by taking the lead in dating.
However, what they have forgotten is that love is reciprocal and that it requires some effort from women as well to sustain the relationship. At the same time, women who are going all out to show that they are interested in getting to know guys may be taking the lead unknowingly and end up feeling that they are not good enough because they are the ones “chasing”.
Whether you’re a man or woman you should always be mindful of how much you are putting in effort in dating, and how much it is being reciprocated by your partner. It is less about initiates and more about how it is being procreated. If the mutual interest is present, the effort will also be mutual.
Are They Making the Effort to Meet Your Needs?
“I won’t be available to communicate with you during my working hours, but we can catch up at night, say about 8 pm. Would that be fine for you?”
How do you reach the middle ground in love? How do you compromise? How do you make sure that each one of you is happy?
At times, compromises are needed and that means you should be willing to give up some of the comfort that you already have in life to make a relationship work. However, when it is too much for you, both of you should talk it out and come to a middle ground about it and it’s all about communication.
If you are a vegan and your partner is not, how are you going to handle cooking at home and who is going to do the cooking? If you are not a pet lover and your partner has a cat, how do you deal with that? You can make compromises like asking them to not allow the cats on the bed but learn how to live in a household that has a pet.
There were times when I’ve been confused about dating when I came across people who were seemingly not that interested in getting to know me, and this is usually manifested in very slow replies to texts. I used to think that texting was not their way of communicating.
However, if someone is generally interested in getting to know you and is concerned about getting a need met, they would come up with a counter suggestion to meet your need. If he is not interested in you even after you have voiced out your concern you will know that it is not going to work out when he does not do anything about it to improve the situation.
What does love reciprocate mean?
Reciprocating love means to share the same feelings as someone else, or to behave in the same way as someone else. Love should be reciprocated to an extent in all these aspects:
1. Quality time · 2. Sense of security · 3. Respect · 4. Intimacy- physical and emotional · 5. Personal space · 6. Validation · 7. Acceptance.
What is the meaning of love reciprocal?
When love is reciprocal, both you and your partner try to meet each other’s needs in a similar manner. You and your partner are equally supportive of one another and provide each other with a similar level of trust, care, and affection. On some days, you need to be supporting your partner more and it could be 80-20, but on the days that you are down your partner will be supporting you back. Reciprocal love cannot be measured but when it is there, you will know it.
Does love have to be reciprocal?
Reciprocity is not just important in a romantic relationship—it’s vital. Even in the dating phase, reciprocity is crucial in order to make sure that the momentum of connection is built over time as you are dating. If you are just getting to know people occasionally, the intimacy is not going to be stronger over the days.
What is a reciprocal relationship?
A relationship in which two people feel the same way about each other, or do or give similar things to each other. It will look different from one relationship to another, but with communication, people will try to meet their partners’ needs within their capacity. “You take the trash out, I make the bed”. “I will cook for you as you are coming home late from work”. “This dinner date is on me this time”. These are the ways people take turns to meet each other’s needs.