5 Examples of Non Negotiables In a Relationship

Non-negotiables in a relationship are aspects you cannot forgo or adjust with your partner because they are very important to you. What are categories of wants and needs that fall into the non-negotiables in a relationship? 

Are my non-negotiables two rigid? Does it even make sense? Am I missing something on my non-negotiable list? I can’t even decide what should go into my non-negotiable list! 

I understand this dilemma because I am single and have grown a lot as a person over the years. I have quite a bit of personality and characteristics that I would like to see in a potential partner. Sometimes, it is very difficult to choose which aspects of your wants and needs should be categorized as non-negotiables.

Finance, romance, sexual compatibility, religious views, kindness, the possession of pets (yes! Even that), and so many more can become deal-breakers in a relationship.

Hi, I’m Jasveena! Blogging since 2013, I share tips & stories about navigating relationships and finding meaningful connections. Read more about me.

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My Experience

I used to struggle with identifying my non-negotiables in a relationship because everything seemed to be important to me. I can’t seem to identify which one is more important or even consider how many I should have. 

Should I just stick with three non-negotiables? Or maybe even five? What should I let go? What should I be paying attention to?

Education qualification 

Age 

Religion

Financial habits 

Ease of communication 

Sexual compatibility 

Values 

Life goals 

Emotional intelligence 

Children and Parenting 

Honestly, the list goes on. I’m sure you can relate to it. During my late 20s, I looked at the spark in a relationship and I tried to find someone very much similar to me. 

I’m 36 now and if you would ask me, I would still stumble a little bit when it comes to my non-negotiables. To be honest, if you are living under one roof with someone, sharing your life with someone, a lot of aspects should be given importance. 

However, I choose to list down the top 3 non-negotiables, which are: 

Values

Age

Ease of communication 

I used to think that if I met someone and tried to do mental gymnastics to find out if this person was going to match me, it was going to be difficult. After going on so many dates, I feel that two people should be able to become friends without expectation and just try to enjoy each other’s company first. 

For that to happen, two people should have the ease of communication. When this is present, a lot of differences can be negotiated. I have seen people who have completely different eating habits living under one roof just because they can tolerate each other.

I think this is possible because people choose to communicate! 

Apart from that, if the values of two people align, things become very easy to fall into place. A woman can be into yoga and can be into sports, but they have the same value, which is to lead a healthy lifestyle. People don’t necessarily need to do the same thing in life. 

I have to say that I can even tolerate differences in religion to an extent but dating younger men is something that falls into my pet peeve category. 😜

So, at 36, I look at how comfortable I am when I’m talking to someone before I even decide further (check out my 10 rules of dating).

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Examples of Non-negotiables In a Relationship

While there are many non-negotiables in a relationship, here are some of the important aspects that you should not ignore if you were to prioritize success when you date and find a companion.

  1. Your Values

Your values cover quite a bit of things like your political views, how you were brought up as a kid, tolerance towards difference, your views on monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, work ethics, and just generally how a person thinks and behaves. 

There is no right or wrong when it comes to values because people have different importance in life. If you consume alcohol quite a bit, chances are you will never match with a non-alcoholic.

You can’t possibly ask a lot of questions in an intrusive manner when it comes to values but what you can do is to observe them by asking the right questions.

I would say that the quality of questions that you ask will determine the quality of your dating life.

  1. Life Goals

Have you ever seen people who have the best compatibility and chemistry splitting after some time citing differences in life goals? 

You probably would have thought that it is crazy for people who have great chemistry to split just because their life goals are different. 

But, it is certainly something that you should pay attention to. If you are ambitious, let’s just say that you dream of migrating and settling down in a different country, and you meet someone happy being where they are.

You both are not going to be able to live a happy life unless one of you decides to sacrifice a little bit to keep the relationship going.

  1. Emotional Connection

Emotional connection is very important when it comes to a relationship because it binds two souls together.

A sudden wave of sadness hit me as I’m typing this because when I think of it, it’s a lot harder to form an emotional connection with a guy, even as a friend, in your 30s.

All thanks to the rise of superficial connections and dating apps, which give you the illusion that you can find the next person to talk to within a few swipes.

When you spend enough time getting to know someone and becoming vulnerable, you’ll have a soft spot for each other, which will negate all other differences to an extent.

  1. Compatibility

I have to be honest, sometimes I have a hard time trying to differentiate between compatibility and connection. A lot of love gurus will say that you should see if you are compatible with each other.

But what the heck is this compatibility and how is this different from chemistry?

I view compatibility as aspects that are different but complement each other. Let’s just say that one of you is an extrovert who loves to talk. When you meet someone who is a bit quiet and loves to listen, that makes two people compliment each other.

In other words, can your lives be merged with less friction and damage? I say damages because when two people start living together it is gonna be chaos.

  1. Spark/Chemistry/Some Level of Liking

Let’s just say you are best friends and you can talk to each other for hours but you don’t really have that spark or chemistry or even some level of liking in terms of sexual chemistry, you can’t be a couple. 

Sexual compatibility is very important when it comes to a relationship, at least in a heterosexual relationship, unless people decide that it’s not important for them. 

I have seen a lot of women coming across men who are very nice but they do not feel any attraction towards them. 

Attraction is something that we can’t explain because sometimes we are attracted to someone’s voice. Sometimes, it’s just their smile that makes our day brighter. Sometimes it’s just weird s*** that you cannot explain and I’m sure you get what I’m talking about.

Steps To Define Your Non-Negotiables?

But how do I define my non-negotiables? Here are some steps that you can take to identify what’s most important when it comes to a relationship.

  • List Down Everything You Want In A Partner

Take a piece of paper and a pen, and start writing every single thing that comes to your mind when it comes to your ideal partner.

Don’t hold yourself back thinking that your requirements are ridiculous. Just write all of them down so that you have mental clarity or what it is that you’re looking at when it comes to your love partner.

  • List Down Everything You Can Get From Others 

One of the biggest mistakes that we make when it comes to selecting our partner is to expect that this person should be our everything!

This person should be your best friend, this person should have the same hobbies as you, this person should be interested in watching the same TV series as you (I’M NOT KIDDING, THERE WAS A GUY WHO SAID THIS IS IMPORTANT TO HIM!).

Now, list down things that you can get from other people and other forms of relationships like friendships and your family members.

For example, if you have a family member who loves to travel and you love traveling as well and your partner doesn’t like traveling, you can always travel with your family member if your partner understands this passion of yours.

  • Narrow Down What You Must Expect From A Partner

What are the things that you expect from a partner and this cannot be fulfilled by other people? Usually, sexual compatibility comes under this category. 

Financial aspects can also fall in this category because you can’t possibly be living with someone who is going to f*** up financially. After all, that is going to affect you.

  • Find Out What Qualities Your Partner Should Have To Let You Live Your Life

We all have differences and it is impossible to find somebody that is just like us. Therefore, it is extremely important to find somebody who is going to accept us for who we are. What are the qualities that your partner should have to ensure that the both of you can live harmoniously without necessarily changing each other too much? List that down. 

The last two exercises will give you clarity on what you need in a relationship because you will learn to identify what you can tolerate in a partner and what your non-negotiables are in a relationship.

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Conclusion

We have discussed quite a bit about non-negotiables in a relationship but to be honest, it is 2025 and to find someone who wants to be in a relationship is already something very difficult.

So, if you’re reading this, first try to identify if the person that you’re dating once what you want out of this dating process.

Relationships are difficult and it is more difficult to sustain a relationship in this era. For that to happen, two people should simply love each other for simple little reasons and possibly for reasons that nobody else can understand.

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