Have you had instances when a guy asks for your number on a dating app but then you wait for hours and days for his texts and phone calls, only to get tired and fall asleep with your phone in your hand?
Have you ever started wondering what went wrong and if you have said something wrong to them to the extent that it turned them off? Was it a mistake to give your number to him? Just when you think that it’s over and you would want to move on, you then receive a message from an unknown number. It’s him making his grand appearance after many months of absolute silence.
You know stressed with the dilemma of not knowing whether you should text him or block him knowing that he failed to communicate properly within a reasonable time frame. What if he resorts to love bombing then ghosting? Should I even give my numbers to guys dating apps?
If you are like me 7 years ago, finding dating apps an absolute pain and unsure how to navigate through the challenges of flaky guys, let me guide you with my dating experiences so that you do not have to go through this.
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts (actually speaking my thoughts as I am so excited to have found the speech-to-text dictation Google Chrome extension that saves me 66% percent of my time typing – oh, and it is FREE, takes 5 seconds to install and only up to 10 MB of your computer memory! How cool!) on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully and teach your mind to discern make better decisions in dating.
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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What Does It Mean When a Guy Asks For Your Number?
This is a no-brainer because obviously, you would think that when a guy asks for your number, chances are that he is interested in getting to know you further! No questions asked! In the context of dating, whether you are on a dating app or you met a guy at a local bar, and he asks for your number, there should be a reason behind it.
If it is not doing business with you, if he does not share any common interest with you, if there is no emergency need for you to exchange numbers, and just about any other reasons or possibilities apart from getting to know you romantically, and if you both started chatting based on love intention, it is very much natural to assume that he is romantically interested in you.
If you have met at the local bar on a dating app, usually when a guy asks for your number, he wants to advance the conversation beyond just the app or the evening that you guys got to know each other, possibly to ask you out for another date in the future.
The mistake most of us make is romanticizing the whole thing before the reality unfolds. That is why love coaches say “Don’t fall in love with potential”
Well, imagine contacting a travel agency to inquire about the latest travel packages. You are interested in finding out about their rates, services, travel plans, and many other details first. You would then tell them that you would get back to them later. Honestly, how many of us actually get back to all of them promptly? If they don’t get back to us, most of us would just forget about it if it is not something that interests us at the moment.
“But, that’s a different scenario!” I hear you! As human beings, when someone asks for your number in romantic contexts but fails to initiate conversations with you, it’s natural for most of us to feel bad about it because we would then feel less important and that the person did not value us enough to text or make a phone call within a reasonable time frame.
However, as Natalie Lue says, being asked for your number is an expression of interest and not a guarantee of anything more than that. As much as it stings, we need to do our reality checks now and then.
What are some of the reasons people take time to text or don’t text you at all after asking for your number?
- They were being nice – if you met them face to face and if the conversation went well, and you guys were casually planning for the next meet-ups, it’s only natural to exchange numbers without thinking too much about it. It could be that they wanted to be nice to you and they just as for your number without having any serious intention behind it.
- They are feeling reluctant to contact you immediately and prefer not to project a desperate vibe – some guys prefer to wait for a bit before the text or call you to ease the situation if at all you both had an intense vibe when you first met. They prefer to play it cool so that the conversation would be less tense. Is he shy or not interested? You need to wait to find this out.
- They are seeing others at the same time they are seeing you – if you have not spoken about dating exclusively come on it is safe to assume that you are free to date others as well. So, they might have been busy conversing with others and putting you on hold first.
- They are not serious about looking for a relationship – some people just collect phone numbers without any intention to date people seriously. The first few conversations may be interesting but as soon as the excitement fades, their interest dwindles and you don’t see them keeping up with their effort to call or text you.
- They doing it on purpose to see if you would approach them first – this is an asshole move and people who do these are trying to play you out by messing the emotions. What you should do at this point is to pretend like it has never bothered (it should not bother you in any way) your life and you are just going about your life as usual.
- They changed their minds about approaching you – as harsh as this may seem, a good conversation online or when you first met does not guarantee follow-ups. They might have gone home and thought about it for a bit, and probably changed their mind. It could be for any reason, but mostly, it should not be something for you to worry about.
Root Cause of The Problem
The primary reason why this happens is because, you think that when a guy asks for your number, he is interested in dating you. You start assuming and fantasizing about things before actually looking into reality and matching their actions with the awards.
“But, if he asked for my number, he should be interested in dating me!” Yes, but the world is a cruel place and what we think it should be may not be the reality. Therefore, it is necessary to take time and find out the intention when a guy asks for your number. Do they have the love intention or are they just messing around getting numbers casually? Wishy-washy guys are good at masking their intentions.
Some men love chasing women for their phone numbers and attention, and when they get it they stop putting in the effort to get to know them. Women then would feel anxious and start chasing after the men because they then feel unimportant, unworthy, and not cherished anymore!
With a bio like this and his preference for “something casual”, if you exchange numbers with a person like this, can you imagine how confused you’d be trying to figure out where you both are headed to?
How To Decide If Exchanging Number Is An Absolute Necessity?
Before the era of dating apps, people used to get to know through social media platforms like Friendster and Facebook, and a lot of communication actually happens within the page, without people having to give their numbers. If you see them at the gym regularly or at the bar that you frequent, you can wait to see if the conversation progresses organically when you meet.
This is because Facebook Messenger is there for a reason, and you meet the same guy in the gym regularly this is a good enough reason to not give your number first without establishing a connection and trust with them.
Ask yourself the following questions before exchanging numbers:
- Is this the only choice that I have right now – which is to exchange numbers to get to know them?
- Can I stay on the app for a while until I have met them a couple of times before moving off the dating app?
- Do I have any other numbers that I can use to communicate with people that I am dating at the moment (if you want to protect your privacy if your main number is also your business number etc)?
- Can I use messaging apps that do not require a phone number connection like Telegram?
When To Exchange Numbers?
Only give them your number when:
- You know that you want to talk to them more outside the time you get to meet them at the gym.
- Calling them or sending them WhatsApp is going to be a better mode of conversation – especially if you do not check your social media often and you would like to stay in touch with them more often than before.
- You know that you won’t regret giving your number even if it does not lead to anything substantial or if the conversation fades away. You have to be in the state of mind to accept the fact that getting to know someone is a discovery phase and you have given the best to get to know someone even if the outcome is not what you want.
Is It Necessary To Block Numbers?
Blocking phone numbers can be very annoying especially when you know that the connection has faded and that you will not need their number anymore.
I don’t know about you, but I do flush out numbers that I do not need any more from my Phone, especially those that I have dated in the past.
Michael Coffee Shop Guy
How many contacts with the same name do you have on your phone? While it is easier to delete numbers, blocking numbers can be overwhelming for some of us because it feels like an extra task to do after deciding not to date someone anymore.
- Will this guy potentially bother me by texting and calling me in the future? Have I failed to end the conversation with him amicably?
- Did he try to convince you to stay in touch when you decided to end things?
If you have answered yes to either one of the questions above, chances are you need to block the numbers because you could mistakenly answer calls from them if you have removed the contact from your phone.
Making Use of Call/Video Call Functions on Dating Apps
One great thing that dating apps have tremendously improved over the years is the functions within the app, especially the call and video call functions that allow you to make calls from within the app without needing to share your phone numbers. Dating apps have been focusing on safety features.
I believe the introduction of the call function is more about safety than convenience for their users. Ever since Tinder and Bumble introduced the call function within the app, I have taught a lot of people how to use the functions because I did not want to give them my phone number but also wanted to talk to them to see if I like talking to them.
Make use of the functions that dating apps have made available for you in order to save yourself the hassle of sharing numbers and having the need to remove contacts from your phone or even fearing that they will bug you in the future and wonder if you need to block the number!
Introvert and someone who values privacy, I’ve had a lot of difficulties in conversing with people during the early days of dating as there were not many options left but to get to know through phone calls and typical text messages.
Messages and calls from unknown numbers tend to bother me a lot especially when I discover that they are from people that I have gone out with in the past. I had to block them and remember to add their numbers to my block list whenever I get a new phone for myself! (what a hassle that is!)
So, please make use of the functions available in the dating apps, and if you are dating in real life. also be very mindful if you need to share your number with them if you are ready, if you are comfortable with them, and if you trust them. Most importantly ask yourself if you would regret sharing your number with them if the conversation does not turn out to be up to your expectation.
What does it mean when a guy asks you for your number?
It means he is interested in getting to know you but there is no guarantee that his interest will turn out to be a commitment to getting to know you. This basically means that he may text you or call you but you shouldn’t be waiting around for his calls or texts anxiously, and just go about with your life. Let the getting-to-know process happen organically.
Why would a guy ask for my number and not text me?
While it’s possible he’s shy, there could be a lot of reasons why someone has not texted you even after asking for your number:
- They do not see the urgency to text you immediately.
- They are feeling reluctant to contact you immediately and prefer not to project a desperate vibe.
- They are seeing others at the same time they are seeing you.
- They are not serious about looking for a relationship.
- They doing it on purpose to see if you would approach them first.
- They changed their minds about approaching you
When a guy gives you his number without you asking?
You have the option to call him because he likes you and doesn’t want you to feel pressured into giving him your number. However, this may also indicate that the guy is not feeling confident enough to ask for your number. If you like him enough and do not mind getting to know him, make the first move to ease his pressure in approaching you.
How do you play hard to get when a guy asks for your number?
Don’t give him your number the first time. Identify his intention first, and see if he persists in wanting to get to know you seriously. Test his behavior and tell him that you both good still get to know him through messaging apps that do not require you to reveal phone numbers. See if he respects your opinion.