Are you a single woman finding embracing sexuality hard? Ever grieved the fact that you have very little chance of experiencing safe sex in a relationship as you have been single for a long time, and you feel like you are waiting for a train that may never come? What to do with the pent-up sexual frustration when you yearn for a safe relationship to finally explore your sexual fantasy but it is not happening?
Ever found yourself falling for people you are in situationships with just to fulfill your sexual needs, and wondered why do guys like situationships? Looking for ways to embrace sexuality and sensuality in a safer way?
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts (actually speaking my thoughts as I am so excited to have found the speech-to-text dictation Google Chrome extension that saves me time typing – oh, and it is FREE) on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully and better teach your mind to think positively when embracing sexuality.
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- The Bad News: Accepting The Fact of Loveless Sex
- The Good News: The Reality of Sex Life in Couples
- Ways of Embracing Sexuality and Sensuality
The Bad News: Accepting The Fact of Loveless Sex
I hear you saying that “yoga, dance, and massage sessions are not equal to real sex!” Yes, it is not. Let me tell you that channeling your sexuality through other forms of activities that are non-sexual will not entirely compensate for your need for sex with a partner. But then:
1. Having casual sex will not completely fulfill your actual needs for sex within a love life – you can negate the need to explore your sensuality by having casual sex and still find yourself frustrated as you are not engaging emotionally with them unless you can compartmentalize your emotional and physical needs like men.
2. Sex toys may not entirely satisfy you if you crave connection and physical touch with someone – a lot of sex coaches will advocate for self-exploration with toys to spice up your single life, but I get it – it is frustrating when your entire sex life is just between you and the battery-operated toys, and there is no sense of surprise and fun, especially when the experience is not shared with someone else.
3. Yoga, sexy lingerie, scented candles, and belly dance classes may not fully help you to channel your sexual energy to the point where you feel fully satisfied – “who am I dressing up for, and what am I to do with the group of women starring at me dancing when all I want is to engage with men?”
4. Focusing on yourself may feel boring and you may not have the motivation to dress up for yourself, especially when you have been single for a long time – It is indeed frustrating that dating coaches will repeatedly tell you to focus on yourself to feel better and not be dependent on someone else’s attention, when all you want is to have a meaning connection with someone to share your mind, body, and soul with.
But before you dismiss all these alternatives, let me tell you why you aren’t really in an odd situation, even as a single person. Read on to learn about the reality of sex life of couples.
The Good News: The Reality of Sex Life in Couples
As single women, we tend to compare our lives with those of married couples and think that we are always missing out when it comes to a healthy sex life. But, let’s look at the reality of the sex life of couples.
Here are the actual scenarios of the sex lives of couples as time passes by:
1) Life commitment like work gets in the way – Well, staying married may get you thinking that you would be able to share a meaningful connection with your partner, but when life commitments get in the way, fun leaves the home, and without fun and happiness, sex doesn’t have a way to sneak into the room.
2) As compared to single people sex, married couples have an actual life together, and that includes everything about deciding their weekend activity or how to navigate through family issues. With all these on the top of their mind, sex can feel like a chore.
3) Couples doing long-distance relationships also have fewer sex as compared to those who are living under one roof. The issues that single women perceive to be of their own are actually not just their own but it is also a reality among many married couples.
4) Extramarital affairs – when so many people are having extramarital affairs, what does it actually tell us about married couples? That happiness is not something granted in a marriage, and that you still need to work on it for a better life overall and that includes sex life as well.
Ways of Embracing Sexuality and Sensuality
Now that you have seen the reality of the sex lives of people, it would make more sense for you to understand why you should take charge of embracing sexuality and sensuality.
1. Engage your senses with activities that nurture them
One of the primary ways of nurturing the feminine energy within us is by flowing through life. Feminine energy is creative and it flows without restrictions. It’s more intuitive and receptive to life. Activities like dance, yoga, belly dance, or pole dances, stimulate our senses as we move our bodies. Emotions are energy in motion and movements help shed the pent-up emotions within us.
Lighting up candle lights and enjoying a home spa or even a good scrub while bathing will help us be in the moment and enjoy the little pleasure life has to offer without actually waiting for a partner. Doing this regularly improves our minds as we get used to the fact that pleasing ourselves sexually is still our responsibility.
Some people love going for massage as it offers physical touch and eases our stress. A regular good massage will offer temporary relief from the yearning for physical touch, which is crucial for human beings.
2. Appreciate your body
Do not wait for someone else to say that you look good. Do that for yourself first and see how happy you feel. Appreciation for your body comes in many forms. From wearing your favorite outfit and not waiting for a special occasion to wear it to working out and keeping yourself fit, are all ways to appreciate your body.
Feel good today in the body that fuels your life. Whether you have the body that you dream of or not, you should be confident with yourself first while working your way to achieving your dream body.
Eat good healthy food and take care of your general well-being to ensure you could be embracing sexuality for many years to come. Poor hygiene and diet could affect us sexually.
3. Practice safe sex
While doing everything above could ease your sexual frustrations, nothing comes close to sharing a bond with another human being. Explore safe sex where you don’t have to feel guilty or made to feel terrible by a toxic partner. Ultimately, it improves your sense of self surrounding sex and sensuality.
4. Listen to your intuition
While people share what worked for them and what didn’t, you should always lean on your intuition to see what you exactly want at a given point in time. What you want sexually may change from time to time and you should identify what excites you and what no longer serves you in order to fully satisfy your needs.
Try different activities to see which one resonates most with you. You may feel excited about yoga one day and then no longer feel the same about it. Introduce fun and excitement in your own life by experimenting with different things in life.
Fun, surprise, and excitement are what we seek in life and these can come from many avenues.
5. Eliminate shame surrounding embracing sexuality
The primary reason why women feel so stuck when embracing sexuality is the shame surrounding sex. Our minds are deeply ingrained with limiting beliefs on sex whereby we feel reluctant to explore sex fully as adults due to fear of judgment.
Ask yourself if you always hold your thoughts on sexual things back. Do you refrain from exploring new ways to pleasure yourself because this is not something acceptable in your culture?
If you’re an adult, nothing should stop you from fulfilling your own needs as long as you’re not jeopardizing the lives of others, or having affairs with someone’s partner.
Sexual frustrations mostly stem from our own inability to seek what we want, especially as single people.
How do you embrace sexuality?
Here are a few ways you can implement to start embracing your sexuality:
1. Wear great outfits and don’t wait for special occasions – embrace your body.
2. Identify what you like through exploring your own senses – especially touch.
3. Engage in creative activities like belly dance or drawing.
What are the benefits of embracing your sexuality?
Embracing sexuality helps to release love hormones which eventually lower stress markers, lower mental health problems, and reduced possibility of physically hurting and harming themselves.
How do I connect with my sexuality?
Engage your senses to identify what makes you feel good. Tune in to your intuition to understand what makes you feel good. Eliminate shame in fulfilling your needs. Check in with yourself to see if your needs are changing.
How do I appreciate my sexuality?
Practice positive Sexuality
- appreciate your own body
- enjoy emotions and thoughts that are sexual without necessarily acting upon them.
- strive to understand the complexities of sexual needs
Is sexuality connected to love?
Although these two aspects of relationships are often interconnected, it is not a must for both of these aspects to be present concurrently for one to embrace either one of them. Sexual thoughts may not necessarily be an outcome of love. We may or may not need to act upon the thoughts. On the other hand, love can also be present without sexuality. Asexuality is possible in romantic relationships.
What is the main purpose of sexuality?
Sexuality is for human beings to reproduce, simply to experience sexual pleasure, or to relieve sexual tension/frustrations. Love hormones help ease our body from stress and sadness, keep us relaxed and in a state of calmness.