Ever wondered if the following lines would ever signal love intention in men you are potentially dating, on dating apps or even offline?
“Hey hi, I’ll be in your area today and I thought of asking you out for a date”
“Sure, I will let you know mid-day later if I am available tonight. By the way, what are you looking for on this app?”
“Well, just someone to be with. I am just going with the flow”
And you start wondering if you should go out with this person and give him a chance, I’ll just write him off as this is not going anywhere substantial. Have you ever been caught and this dilemma? Or have you ever been in this situation countless times but your family and friends say that you are too picky, and therefore feel forced to give these types of men a chance?
You are not alone!
As someone who has been in the dating scene even before my 30s, and stretching through my early and soon mid-30s, I am here to share my thoughts (actually speaking my thoughts as I am so excited to have found the speech-to-text dictation Google Chrome extension that saves me time typing – oh, and it is FREE) on how I work through my emotions and what has worked for me in facing this situation, so that you can navigate through this phase gracefully and also when next time you are confused with men whose words don’t match their actions, you can decide how to better teach your mind to react differently.
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Why People Date
Now, first thing first let’s look at the various reasons why people date (what is the purpose of dating). You will fall into one of these categories.
- Dating to find companionship – people who just stayed to find companionship usually would want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. You can expect everything that a typical relationship would offer in this type of relationship dynamic. Well, let’s just say that this dynamic is more like teenagers and young adults who are seeking love without really planning about where the relationship is heading. I’m sure you had experience seeing your friends falling out of love after five years of being in a relationship in the early 20s. However, in the 30s, it’s hard to not have a well-defined intention when dating as most people know what they want in life.
- Dating for casual fun – this is pretty much self-explanatory as people who just date for casual fun are those who are not seeking for lasting serious relationship or even commitment. It’s purely biological needs and people who date for casual fun often who hooked on the temporary excitement new people bring into their lives. They often have commitment issues and they have problems securely attaching themselves emotionally to people.
- Not sure what they are looking for – have you seen this category on Tinder or Bumble? Honestly, these types of people have not made up their minds when it comes to defining a relationship. This is even worse than the Friends with Benefits category where people are at least sure of their mental state and make it clear to the ones who they are dating. This is where it will be very easy to make it seem like they have love intention when actually they do not
- Looking for a relationship – now, this category provides some sort of assurance that they are looking for a committed relationship. They want to have a proper relationship and they might introduce you to the family and friends. However, let’s just say if you are dating them to marry, you may want to clarify if they are on the same page because some people who claim that they are looking for a relationship have not thought about getting married or making it official yet. They usually have good intentions in a relationship.
- Looking for something long-term – now, this is one of the options for people to choose from when stating what they are looking for on Tinder. While, usually people who say that they’re looking for something long-term will land in marriage, there are people who look for the Friends with Benefits kind of companionship for the long-term. I know it gets frustrating but bear with me as we unravel how to identify people who suit you, the one looking for a committed marriage.
- Looking for marriage – Now interestingly, bumble has this category for people to choose from when stating their intentions on the dating app. Kudos to Bumble for that. I have seen men stating this clearly on their profiles, although a lot of people, men, and women included, would feel awkward to state this on their profile. You, who are reading this, most likely fall into this category. These are people who are dating with intention of marriage.
- Looking for long-term but open to short-term/ Looking for short-term but open to long-term – honestly I don’t know why Tinder has to have these categories because these do not serve any purpose at all. Imagine bumping into a man that you would think is the love of your life but he is actually open to having you just for a short-term relationship! Men who fall into this category do not know what they want. They are not dating with intention.
The Various States of Mind of People Who Date
Now, let’s look at the various states of mind of people who date:
- Divorced/separated/just got out of the relationship – these people may be in a rebound state or could have entered into the healing stage. It is a good idea to talk to them first to understand where they are in life, and if they have moved on completely in order to focus on you without comparing to the exes or what has happened to them in the past.
- Single for a long time – people who have been single for a long time might have some difficulties entering into a secure and loving relationship given their experience being single for a long term which would have moved them into the comfort zone of being alone. However, they actively seek companionship and yearn for love and human connection. They also mostly would have invested a lot into healing themselves properly and identifying their preference for relationships.
- Married – this is pretty much self-explanatory again as married people who are on dating apps or even dating someone offline are actually going through unhappy marriages. They may be on the verge of seeking divorce all probably just want to stay married but seek affection, love, and sex outside the married life.
- On the fence about relationships – people who are on the fence about relationships usually have not made up their minds on what they are looking for on dating apps. One day you will hear them saying that they are seeking a committed relationship and have love intention, and the next day they will seem uninterested in you. People like this usually use the term going with the flow in a relationship to confuse people that they date, because they want to benefit from the connection.
People Who Go With The Flow – Do They Have Love Intention?
Now, coming to the ultimate question of finding out if people who choose to go with the flow have love intention and if they would ultimately give you the commitment that you want. Matthew Hussey explains about this clearly in his video where he says attention is not equal to intention and intention is not a sign of commitment.
Sure, you can give people the benefit of the doubt and see where this leads to. However, you need to be certain about how you want to be treated. You may think that it takes time for somebody to get comfortable with you. You may not want to judge them too early. However, people who say that they are just going with the flow do not have an idea of what they want yet.
Usually, it is you who sees the potential in them and you think that they could be a good partner for you. This is more of the pull and push dynamic where the more they pull away from you, want to chase them and see the validation of their love. You want to be the benevolent and kind person who understands their state of mind. It is more of the ego stroke that you are looking when you finally get to change their mind and win their love, which rarely happens.
Furthermore, dating someone who just wants to go with the flow can be extremely frustrating and emotionally draining as you just can’t seem to anticipate what would happen in the future. This gives you anxiety and restlessness if you are the one seeking a committed and loving relationship.
People who are looking for something not substantial may have love intention and may commit to you, but when where and how remain a mystery.
It’s About What You Want
One of the resources I really enjoyed listening to is Nat Lue’s podcast and blog where she explained about the state of ambiguity. If you are in a state of ambiguity about a potential relationship, you are playing a part in it too. You allow yourself to be in an ambiguous situation, or situationship. It is not wrong if you can accept the fact that this is not going anywhere and if you are not secretly latching onto them. However, in your thirties, when all your friends are married and knowing you know what you are looking for and still giving room for someone who wants to go with flow, is a recipe for disaster.
The best way is to leave things as it is, remove your attention towards the person and date other people. In other words, do not be exclusive yet with this person. Feel free to date others and get to know others with an open mind. If this person is meant to come around, they will naturally gravitate back into your life.
What is love intention?
The definition of love intention is a divine concentration that’s more of the heart than of mind. It happens when people let their heart lead their way as opposed to being more rigid or analytical in their moves. They listen to their gut feelings more and tap into the feminine energy to let the intuition guide them.
How do you write an intention for love?
Intentions for love:
- I am allowing myself to take up space and be myself.
- I am considering my needs with respect.
- I am intending to strengthen the connection in all my relationships.
- I am choosing to trust my gut feelings.
What is pure intention in love?
Pure intention in love is based on a deep sense of empathy and compassion for the other person. When all you have for a person is nothing but love that comes with pure intention, their wellbeing, happiness and sense of self become very important to you, and you put that on the forefront above your own needs in a relationship. This is often the hallmark of a selfless love.
What is dating with intention?
Dating with intention refers to going into the dating scene with a better understanding of who, how, and why you want to date. People who date with intention usually screens profiles on dating apps carefully, provide equal attention to all their matches, delete matches that are not useful, try to bring the conversation face-to-face and have a clear target of what they want to achieve through the app. They also tend to use dating apps mindfully.