Desperate For A Date: My 5 Effective Ways To Combat It

Did you land on this blog because you’re desperate for a date? Are you feeling like going on a date desperately because you have been single for quite some time? Are you bored and you want to have a human connection? Or maybe just simply frustrated because you are not getting any dates on dating apps, thinking you have no luck on dating apps?

Let’s look into what you can do to understand why you are desperate for a date and how you can stay on dating apps and still be actively dating without losing sight of your personality and personal interests.

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I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.

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My Experience

I could vividly remember the day I first went on a date after the COVID-19 restrictions were eased in Malaysia. For a good two years, we were all stuck at home and we were not able to go on dates. All that was available to us was dating apps and we had to date virtually. 

There were so many instances where we felt desperate to meet the person that we were talking to on dating apps. I was also one of you if you went through dating during the pandemic phase. 

What happens when we are desperate for a date is that we lower our standards and go for blind dates only to come home feeling disappointed because it was a yucky person that we went out with and we regret it because we know that we could have taken some time to get to know them on the app itself before investing a lot of time to get ready and commute to a place just to meet them. 

So, this guy that I went out with on the same day that I matched with him happened to be talking about working with Al-Qaeda, Osama, and Afghanistan. Can you imagine the fear I would have felt deep inside my heart? I was lucky because I did not reveal any information about myself which includes where I live, where I work and my social media account as well. 

Needless to say, I did not see the person again in my life. However, this is what happens when we are desperate for a date. We will not be careful about our decisions and just go out on a date for the sake of it.

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Desperate For A Date: 5 Effective Ways To Overcome It

  1. Journal The Pros and Cons Of Going On A Desperate Date

So if you were like me, you are desperate for a date, what you need to do is journal your thousand emotions down. What would you do if you went on a date and you felt bad about it after coming back? What are the pros and cons of going on a blind date? Will you be able to handle disappointments? 

Or are you in the right frame of mind to be carefree and not dwell on the outcome of the date even if it turns out bad? Identify clearly what you are getting out of this decision to go on a desperate date and right down the pros and cons of them so that you can weigh your decisions correctly.

  1. Identify Why You’re Feeling This Way

Why exactly are you feeling this way? What actually prompted you to feel this way? Is it the boredom that you are facing? or have you been away from your family and friends for quite some time? Or have you not been able to get quality dates on dating apps when you date to marry?

The lack of human connection and physical intimacy can also drive you to feel desperate for a date and make you think that you should be able to match with someone today on a daily app and ask them out for dinner. It would make you feel that everything has to happen instantly today.

  1. Don’t Get Attached To Strangers Fast

It’s perfectly normal to be expecting quality dates on dating apps or even to go out on a date with someone that you just recently met at the local bar. It is human nature to want warmth from connecting with people. What’s the point of acting like you don’t need human connection when deep inside that is all you want? 

However, we should somehow remember that people that we come across on dating apps are somewhat strangers to us until we meet them and get to know them a little bit. No matter how desperate for a date you are, first, identify if the other person has the same level of enthusiasm as you before you invest your emotions in it.

  1. Turn To Your Family and Friends For Support 

When we feel the urge to connect with people, it is almost impossible to form an instant connection with people on dating apps. Therefore, this would lead to disappointment because we cannot expect people to have instant attachment and emotional connection with us. It is only wise for you to turn to your family and friends for support and you should spend more time with them to feel that you have human support around you.

  1. Sit With Your Emotions Until You Gain Clarity

It is usually during times of desperation that we feel something has to happen instantly. We would also do things that we’re not supposed to do because we cannot think clearly. It is during this time that we need to sit with our emotions until we gain clarity on what to do next.

When you are forcing conversation with people on dating apps or even with somebody that you just came across in life, you will overwhelm them and this would result in a disconnection between the both of you.

How To Focus More On Other Life Aspects?

  1. Stop Checking Dating Apps Frequently 

Are you checking on dating apps? Are you expecting instant replies from people that you are talking to on dating apps? This is a sign that you need to stop checking dating apps frequently because this is going to drain your energy. This is also a sign that you are not focusing on other aspects of life. 

This is not to say that you shouldn’t be taking dating seriously or even ignoring dating apps. However, dependency on dating apps or even getting addicted to dating apps and swiping culture can be very taxing emotionally.

  1. Get Involved With A Passion Project 

When you’re in a passion project, it is very unlikely for you to feel desperate for a date because your inner happiness and fulfillment come from yourself and the activities that you do. Therefore, find something that you’re passionate about doing when you are feeling bored because this is going to channel your energy in the right direction rather than merely seeking attention from people that you have not gotten to know yet.

  1. Find More People From Your Tribe To Have A Healthy Conversation

I know it can be tempting to want to have somebody to talk to especially if you are living alone and you are single. However, finding people from your tribe to have healthy conversations like those people from your local gym, book clubs, and even yoga classes could connect you with people who have similar interests and keep you glued to healthy relationships. On the other hand, when you are at home, what you can do is listen to podcasts and interviews of people that you love and admire so that you gain positive energy from them.


Why am I so desperate to date?

When we are feeling alone, vulnerable, and also insecure, we seek companionship from others because this would help us feel we are connected to human beings and this would reduce our level of anxiety.

What is desperation in dating?

Desperation in dating happens because we deeply yearn for connection, companionship as well as love from people. This can happen if people have not been in a relationship for many many years and this is a normal feeling for anyone who has been deprived of human connection and love. Therefore people feel desperate to date because they want to find love immediately, and as a result, they compromise their values, personal well-being, and also standards along the way.

Is desperation a red flag?

Red Flags of Abusive Dating Relationships can include desperation where the abusive person would be manipulative and seem desperate or helpless in front of the victim to gain the love and attention of the victim.

What does being desperate for someone mean?

Being desperate for someone means that they have a great level of desire and need to attain this person whether romantically or physically. When we are desperate for someone, we lose sight of our self-worth and we quickly get attached to someone who is not reciprocating our love.

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