How To Deal With Flaky Guys: My 5 Effective Ways

Are you encountering flaky guys who promise you dates and don’t turn up as they promised? Have you experienced breadcrumb and ghosting behaviors from flaky guys?

Especially when it comes to dating, it can be difficult to identify flaky guys in the early phase of dating because we are not quite sure if they are busy or not quite invested in the process.

In the very early phase of dating, it is not wise to expect commitment to text regularly or check in every day. Even if someone rainchecks on you, it is still not a huge red flag because a change in plan can happen and we need to see if they reschedule dates.

So what exactly flaky guys are what do they do, and how can you deal with them so that you can preserve your sanity? Let’s dive into it.

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I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.

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My Experience

In my experience dating since 2017, I have come across many guys who turned out to be flaky. This is especially true when it comes to dating and after a date is set on the calendar, what they do is to cancel the plans at the very last minute without even coming back to me to reschedule it. 

This happened many years ago, this particular incident whereby the guy that I came across on a dating app wanted to schedule a date with me for dinner. I said yes and I was expecting him to get in touch with me on that day to reconfirm his plans and as it was getting late into the evening I had to drop him a text just to make sure that we were still going ahead with a plan.

And guess what? He said he was down with a fever and could not make it. As simple as that. There were no conversations about rescheduling the date whatsoever.

So I deleted his number, blocked him, and just moved on because I thought that I did not deserve someone who could not communicate with me when he wanted to cancel a plan.

Who Are Flaky Guys and What Do They Do?

Flaky guys are guys who cannot be dependable and their words are very inconsistent. They say one thing but they do something else. In short, it is extremely hard when it comes to dating flaky guys because they don’t seem to know what they want and because of that they do not follow through with their words and string you along thinking that they could get your attention when they want.

These guys can be narcissistic and also display traits of manipulative people especially when you confront them wanting them to take responsibility and be accountable for their behavior.

Some of the situations where they let you down are:

How To Deal With Flaky Guys?

  1. Hold Them Accountable By Confronting Their Behaviors

Guys who are flaky need to realize that they need to be accountable for their behavior. They would continue with their behavior as long as they want until someone confronts them. If you are in an ambiguous situation, you need to realize that it is not only them not clarifying their intention by being wishy-washy guys, but it is also on you because you are not holding them accountable by confronting their behavior. 

Do not fear that the connection will end with flaky guys because if something is not going to be sustainable, it might as well end sooner rather than later.

  1. Do Not Be Too Available 

When you identify someone as being flaky, what you can do is not be too available to them. If they have gone out of the radar for a week and ghosted you, when they come back to you, do not reply to their texts immediately. Do not also agree to dates immediately. 

Make them realize that you have a life that you enjoy living even if they are not in your life.

  1. Don’t Fall For Their Excuses

Trust me, I fell for excuses once and although the excuse seemed to be very valid at a point in time (he was going through a family crisis, which happened to be true), always remember that it is not about the difficulties that they are going through in life, it is always about how they are treating you even if they are going through s*** in life.

  1. Do Multi-Dating 

Do not just date one person at a time, especially during the early phase of dating. This is because you wouldn’t want to be dependent on one person who you can’t tell would be able to commit to you or if it would turn out to be a relationship.

Go out on multi-dating to assess a few people at a time and see if you can have a clear judgment of people without really getting attracted and attached to one person early in the dating phase.

  1. End Communication and Block If There Are No Changes In Behavior

If they are not showing any signs of behavior change, just end the communication, block the number, and move on because you wouldn’t want them to come back to you after six months, giving you stupid excuses for their behavior and confusing you.

FAQs

What does it mean when a guy flakes on you?

When a guy flakes on you it means that he is not keeping his word, he is not respecting your time and emotions, and he is being highly unreliable and that is because he does not regard you highly and that’s the reason why you should never give him your attention freely.

Is flakiness a red flag?

Flakiness can happen in any type of relationship like friendship and you can notice this among your family members as well. Someone not attending to your text messages in a timely fashion, especially when it is an emergency is also a trait of flakiness. It highly depends on how much you can tolerate them but also if you are getting stood up without notice ahead, it can be hard to date this person and it could be a sign that it is a red flag and this person is not for you.

How do you deal with a flaky person?

  • Give them the benefit of the doubt because they could be going through something really difficult. 
  • Explain to them how communication is important to you and what you can tolerate and cannot tolerate in a relationship. 
  • Reduce your expectations and create a healthy boundary with your flaky friends. 
  • Choose people that are compatible with you when dating and let go of flaky guys.

How to let go of a guy who is not into you?

Without ghosting, what you can do to make sure that the other person understands what’s going on is to explain your feelings. However, if this guy doesn’t seem to be having any communication with you and he seems to be fine without you reaching out to them, you can gradually reduce your texting intensity and focus on your mental health. Do not be yourself up for what has happened but accept the fact that some people are flaky and that is okay.

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