The Ultimate Advice For Guys Dating On Apps: From A Frustrated Woman

If you are a guy looking for advice for guys dating online from a woman, you have come to the right place. Have you ever wondered why you don’t get matches on reading apps? Have you ever wondered why women do not text you after a couple of days of getting to know you? Why do guys actually complain that men get far fewer matches on dating apps as compared to women?

You can be on dating apps for various reasons and nobody is here to judge your preferences and purpose as well as your intention. However, there are a few main reasons why women get frustrated with men on dating apps. Read on if you would like to know what a woman’s perspective is when we’re swiping on dating apps (by the way, I have an Instagram account where I talk about dating and relationship stuff – feel free to follow me – and that’s where I gather feedback from women and men on dating).

You may be thinking that women are choosy, they are gold diggers, they expect a lot and so much more, which I agree with. But also, let’s see how YOU, beautiful men, can avoid getting stuck with women who are time wasters.

My Experience

It’s easy to give advice for guys dating but in reality, who am I to voice my opinion and how it matters anyway? I’ve been dating since 2017 and I have friends, female friends who have been single in their 30s and we have been on various dating apps trying to find our person.

So, if you are a guy who is looking for a long-term serious relationship that leads to a marriage and you are looking to build a family together with your woman, probably our perspective will help you understand what women are looking for and what you shouldn’t do on dating apps in order to capture the attention of women and trying to successfully bring the dates to another level. 

One of the major turn-offs for women who are dating to marry is definitely the fact that men are trying to string women along by stating that they are looking for a long-term relationship, however, the term relationship actually means a non-committal long-term relationship that includes Friends-with-benefits sort of an arrangement.

S*** shaming is definitely something that impacts both genders and I highly believe that this is the reason why men do not state that they are looking for something casual when actually Bumble and Tinder have made things extremely easy for them to state that they are looking for something short term or just casual fun. However, if you are looking for short-term fun, spare women who are looking for long-term relationships because even if you were to string them along for some time, they definitely would pressure you into answering questions that you are not ready to answer.

So, my advice for guys dating on apps:  why make things difficult for you and difficult for women when you actually want something short-term if you are courageous enough to admit that you want something short-term, and your date intentionally, you will get what you want without the drama.

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Challenges With Online Dating

When it comes to dating apps, there are a lot of challenges involved with it because we do not know who we are matching with, whether they are going to be respectful and kind or they’re going to be just other jackasses who are going to waste our time.

1. People Faking Intentions

This is probably the hardest thing to identify when it comes to online dating because we definitely cannot identify what people’s intentions are although dating apps have evolved to try to precisely match people as much as they could.

Although you actually opt for premium services, it can be difficult to sift through all those profiles that you see on a dating app because people could specifically choose to say that they are looking for something long-term and something serious only for you to later realize that they are actually not that serious.

There could be various reasons why they do this. From trying to string people who are looking for something serious (because of course people who are looking for something serious invest more time and energy in dating) to simply trying to strike their ego by confusing people, I just have various weird reasons why people choose to be flaky and shallow on dating apps.

2. The Paradox of Choice

From hundreds of profiles available for you to swipe every single day, the paradox of choice is a real struggle because you may think that you should be multi-dating because you wouldn’t know if the first person that you matched with would be worth the time and energy that you are putting in in order to get to know them. Therefore, you may think that you need to be talking to a few people at one time.

However, we human beings have very little attention span and as working at all, we also have very limited time to put in getting to know people. So, where do we draw the line between trying to date as many people as we can, going out with as many people as we can, and also trying to give quality attention to a few people who matter the most to us?

3. Moving The Conversation To In-Person Dates

If you are on dating apps, you would know that moving conversations to actual in-person dates is a struggle because how many people you have matched to so far on dating apps that you managed to meet to date? So many conversations die out on the app itself before you can meet them in person.

We all know that dating apps are just a platform or a tool to meet new people. It should not be used as the default mode of conversation between two people. It is understandable that you may want to stay on the app in order to chat a little bit and get to know them before you meet them in person. This is actually to avoid you spending your energy and time trying to get ready, commuting to the place that you have promised to meet them, only to get to know that they are scammers.

However, if after two weeks you both are not meeting in person, chances are high that you wouldn’t actually meet them at all. That is the reason why people end up not going on actual dates when they meet on dating apps.

Advice For Guys Dating On Apps

So, coming to the advice for guys on dating apps, if you want to have better quality dates with women, these are the fundamental things that you need to keep in mind when you are creating your dating profiles and also when you are initiating conversation with women.

1. Have An Original Bio That Reflects You

I have lost count of how many times I came across a bio that reads like this: 

“I’m 80% rogue, 20% gentleman”, “I am the guy your mom warned me about”, and “just a normal guy”.

My advice for guys dating on apps: For god’s sake, be original! 😂 Take this opportunity to pique the interest of women and write something worth writing about yourself, no matter if it’s short or long. If you’re really invested in finding someone nice, you will put in the effort to write something that reflects you and your mindset. 

Nobody can teach you what to write and there’s no right or wrong when it comes to writing a profile bio. However, make sure what you write reflects what you’re looking for. Do not just copy what everyone else is writing on their bio as I’m sure you won’t get as many matches as you hoped for initially.

2. Pick ONLY One Dating Goal

It’s May 2024, and if you don’t know yet, Bumble has actually shuffled the options in the ‘What are you looking for’ section in order to allow people to precisely choose what they are looking for. Previously, you could choose if you were looking for marriage, a long-term relationship, a short-term relationship, or something casual. But now, you have more elaborate options like intimacy without commitment, ethical non-monogamy, fun casual dates, and a life partner. You can choose up to two options. 

However, your dating goal should be one. Don’t tell me that you are looking for friends in Bumble’s romantic date category because Bumble has already created a separate section for it whereby you can look for a BFF. This is the reason why I still feel that Bumble is one of the best dating apps out there.

If you are looking for something serious, your options would be marriage, a life partner, and a long-term relationship. If you are looking for something short-term, you should choose from fun casual dates, intimacy without commitment, and ethical non-monogamy. 

If you choose life partner and intimacy without commitment on Bumble since they allow you to choose two from all those categories, I seriously wouldn’t know what you are actually looking for because life partner and intimacy without commitment definitely do not fall under the same category.

I don’t know if you are afraid of not wanting to make it explicit on your profile that you want to look for something short-term because you feel people would judge you, however, if you matched with someone come on make it a point to actually tell them that you’re looking for something short term or even identify what they are looking for on dating apps and end the conversation if you think that you’re not on the same page as them.

My advice for guys dating on apps – pick your dating goal carefully.

3. Get To Know Women And Text/Video Call On The App First   

I don’t know why men match with women and the first thing they write to them is their phone numbers, expecting women to drop them a text message or even connect with them on Instagram. You have now matched with women and this is your opportunity to have better conversations with them to get to know them and move this to in-person dates, therefore, do not screw things up by giving women your number immediately and expecting them to make the move and call you or text you first. 

You are on the app for a reason, and that is to find someone long-term (this entire blog post is for guys looking for something long-term), so you should be able to invest some time in shacking the app at least once today in our to respond to messages and to get to know people a little bit before you try to move the conversation elsewhere or meet them in person. My advice for guys dating on apps: put in the effort to have a decent conversation on the apps.

Bumble and Tinder are two dating apps that have upgraded their features a lot over the past few years to include features like video calls that you can definitely take advantage of and try to schedule a virtual date through video call first so that you can gauge if you would like to meet this person for a date. This actually saves the both of you a lot of time because if let’s say you have identified that you both are not a good match, you wouldn’t need to spend a lot of time going on dates to find these out later.

Women actually wonder “Why do guys on dating apps want my number immediately”, because they are certainly not comfortable giving out their number to random strangers without any solid purpose. It is much worse if you were to give your number without even clarifying your intention of being on the app and expecting the woman to text you first.

How To Communicate With Women On Dating Apps

1. Give Time and Effort To Text For At Least A Couple Of Days

I know this goes both ways, but what we can do on dating apps is to make sure that we are on there with the right mindset and doing the right thing in other to make the other person comfortable and also together to know them better on the app itself before we jumping to the next stage which is to exchange numbers or asking for social media accounts.

I also have come across a lot of people who have mentioned that they are not always on the app, replies might be slow, there are glitches on the app and so many other reasons why they are not comfortable texting on the app. This happens right from the first day that I matched with them and it makes me wonder what encouraged them to be on the app in the first place if it is not convenient for them. 

Michael Bumble, Michael Bumble 2, Michael Tinder.

There are so many versions of Michaels or even Johns on a woman’s contact list that it makes her feel sick to exchange numbers only to delete them later or even block them later.

2. Don’t Double or Triple Text Them Impatiently

“Hello, good morning”, which is impatiently followed by “hello” and “Are you there” within a span of an hour, shows that you are desperate and you just do not have the patience to wait for replies. It is perfectly okay if you do not hear from this person after a day or two and if you’ve decided to unmatch them. However, I have seen way too many men who will double text or even triple text, which is very off-putting because women find men like this to be very desperate for attention and they are demanding instant replies that they don’t deserve yet.

3. Don’t Expect Instant Date Schedule

Don’t expect to schedule a date within a day of matching with someone. I know it can be very tempting to get out of the app to meet someone, and many dating coaches say this so that you are not caught in the delusions of who they are. However, not everyone will have the time to schedule a date within a day of matching with you. Most people are free over the weekends and if you’re living in a different city, it could take a bit of planning. Meanwhile, you should make use of the app to communicate and get to know each other in order to make your date comfortable.

4. Make Your Intention Clear

Are you looking for something short-term? Are you not ready for a commitment yet? If so, you need to make sure you let your date know what you’re looking for and also understand what your date is looking for. 

I know it’s super good for the frail ego of men to string women along, especially women who are looking for something serious because you will get their attention, but doing this will only backfire because you won’t be getting the easy sex you’re looking for anyway.

This makes dating apps a safe space for everyone if everyone could be clear about their intention to be on apps. Maybe dating apps should allow people to report those who have not stated their real intentions.

5. Tell Them You Will Ask Them Out When They Are Ready

It’s important to meet people face-to-face. What you can do is to let your date know that you want to ask them out for a date when they are ready, and also have a realistic timeline for them to respond to you. If you ideally want to wait for up to a month but if nothing is moving, you can move on because you deserve a real date and not someone who’s texting on the apps alone.

FAQs

What is some dating advice for men?

Advice for guys dating on apps: 

• Clarify your intention
• Be original and come up with an authentic bio
• Put some effort into texting and get to know on the app first
• Don’t rush to meet women immediately after matching on the app
• Schedule a date within a month
• Leave women who are not responding to you.

What is the best dating advice?

Advice for guys dating on apps: 

• Find out what your negotiables and non-negotiables are.
• Tip 1: Put yourself out there in the right places.
• Tip 2: Trust your intuition
• Tip 3: Do not expect to find your partner on the first date.
• Tip 4: it is okay to reject and it is okay to be rejected
• Tip 5: do not ignore the red and yellow flags that you noticed.
• Tip 6: do not be too desperate for a date or for a company where you share your feelings with the wrong person.

What is the 3 month rule in dating?

The three-month rule in dating is usually the probationary phase where people actually get to know each other and this is the stage where one would be weighing the pros and cons of being with this person and trying to find out if they could commit to this person for a lifetime.

How do you advise a guy?

If a guy is having issues and wants advice from you, what you can do without seeming to preach to him is to:

• Listen to his problems first
• Try to think from his perspective and understand his emotions
• Not everyone wants advice so asking if he is looking for a solution from you all he just wants a listening ear.
• If you do not have the expertise to comment, you can suggest he go for therapy or maybe someone else who could help him better.
• Help him to tune in to his intuition.
• Give a couple of solutions that you can think of.
• Empathize his situation.