Are you wondering how to end a situationship and break free from the low vibrational connection that you have formed with a person that is going nowhere substantial?
Are you wondering why do guys like situationships and why what seemed to be a great chemistry between two people just fizzles out so fast without a sign that it could be salvaged?
If you’re wondering how to end a situationship, you are not alone as so many people out there reading blogs on this website have the same situation as yours.
We will uncover the things that keep us stuck with a date and relationship and the challenges that come along when ending it in order to assist you in a more holistic way to end a situationship.
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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My Experience
As someone who lives alone and craves for emotional intimacy, I have been stuck with people that seemed to be a great match for me but eventually it did not go anywhere substantial because they were emotionally unavailable. However, these unmet needs that I had in myself led me to think I should hang on to these people because I am getting some sort of attention from them and something is better than nothing.
I kept wanting more which I was not getting and it led to frustration. That is when I decided that focusing on myself and trying to fill the unmet needs on my own is the best way to not let myself down and be treated like an option when I’m supposed to deserve a better treatment from a man.
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The Things That Keep Us Stuck With a Situationship
- Unmet Expectations and Needs
Whether it is the occasional attention that they give you, or your physical needs for intimacy, or your boredom, there’s something that keeps you hooked on them.
Ask yourself what it is that this person is providing me emotionally and what needs of mine does this person appear to be fulfilling?
What we unconsciously do when we need attention from people is to justify the negative impact of the connection with them just to make sure that we continue getting the dopamine hit when they text us occasionally.
- Low Faith In Finding Love
For someone who has just been single for a few months, staying single can be something refreshing and liberating for them. However, for someone who has been single for a very long time, especially more than a decade, it could be taking a toll on their mental health because living life without social connection and intimacy can be challenging.
Therefore, they tend to stick with situationship although they understand that it is not a full form of healthy love because they believe that finding love is something very difficult and they have a low faith in it.
- Fear of Being Alone
People also tend to be stuck in the vicious cycle of situationship because they fear being alone in life. A connection that they have formed that seemed to be really fantastic and amazing gives them the illusion that there is more in the future and this connection could bloom into love.
This is because ending a situationship would mean that they need to learn how to live alone or start all over again with someone new, which they do not have the mental capacity to do because they do not want to feel alone in this journey. And also the “what if I don’t find someone else” thought actually ruins a lot of confidence for most people.
Challenges When Ending A Situationship
- Tendency To Orbit Them On Social Media
When you have decided to end things with your situationship, it will be very tempting to orbit them on social media although you are not having any direct contact with them.
Before actually cutting down every possible connection that you had with them, you might tell yourself that orbiting them on social media is not something bad and you need more time to process the “breakup”.
- Justifying Reasons To Text Them
If you have not made it official that you want to stop forms of conversation with the person, they will not know that you have decided not to contact them. In this scenario, it would be a lot easier to justify your reasons to text them. Your brain would look for reasons to simply text them.
- Trying To Get Into A New Relationship Quickly
Another challenge that would appear when you want to end things with this person is the tendency to try to get into a new relationship as soon as possible.
You could also find yourself swiping left and right relentlessly on dating apps because you want to find the substitute to your current situationship.
As positive as you could be, desperation could actually lead to disastrous decisions made because you have this sudden sense of urgency to go out on dates and meet new people, which may not lead to a desirable outcome.
How To End A Situationship
- Identify How To Fulfill Your Unmet Needs
The first step to identify how to enter situationship is to find ways to fulfill your own unmet needs.
This is because deep down your heart, you actually know that things are not going to work out with this person but you keep texting them and wanting to meet them thinking that this could transform into a full-blown love in the future because of a certain unmet needs that you currently have that they seemingly fulfilling for you.
Whether it is attention, or physical intimacy, you should identify other ways to fulfill your needs without being reliant on this person or the way that they are sporadically appearing in your life leaving you breadcrumbs, which you think is a full course meal.
Of course, breadcrumbs are better than a full course meal when you have not had a proper meal for a very long time, you may say!
However, identifying ways that meet your needs, even if it is physical intimacy, can break you free from dependency on this person. This is because someone who is not committed to fulfilling your needs will not be fulfilling your needs for physical intimacy in a proper way and usually it will not be a satisfying experience for you even if you were to settle for it.
Explore different ways like reconnecting with old friends, trying out different pleasure toys, spending quiet time on your own with aromatic candles and sexy lingerie, or trying out belly dance class to tune in to your femininity and embracing sexuality as a woman.
- List Down Reasons Why It Won’t Work With Them
When you self sabotage yourself, it would be extremely difficult to identify reasons why this person is not good for you. However, when you put these reasons down on a piece of paper, you can actually clearly see the reasons why it won’t work out.
- List Down Your Ideal Partner’s Qualities
Now, on a separate piece of paper what you should do is to list down the ideal qualities that you look for in a partner. Ask yourself if you were to meet the love of your life, would they be treating you like an option?
Look at how your situationship is far from what you want in an ideal partner.
- Block Them on Social Media
The best way to actually end a situationship is to go no contact with this person although it is not a relationship officially.
It would be best if you could let them know that you would want to end things with them so that they would not reach out to you.
After that, block them on social media so that you do not have the tendency to look at what they are up to and stalk them.
- Focus On Yourself
Although, there is no hard and fast rule on getting back to the dating world once you have ended things with your situationship, you should ask yourself if you are ready to meet new people.
If you are ready, just remember that you will bump into different kinds of people and you should be able to handle the emotional roller coaster that comes with dating.
What’s best to do is to actually take some time off from dating and focus on yourself and the things that you love doing the most in order to reconnect with your soul and your inner wisdom so that you can make better decisions when you go back dating people.
- Do Background Checks On Them
What could be blurring our vision is the perception of who this person is as opposed to what they are in real life. If you have not really known this person in real life and you do not know who their friends are, chances are you don’t even know a lot of things about them yet.
Do background checks on them in order to identify their true characteristics as this would help you to come to your senses and understand who they are.
I even went to the extent of finding out about this person from a couple of people in order to identify the person’s background and real character, which later disgusted me a lot and helped me to see the reality for what it is.
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FAQs
How do you break up with a Situationship?
Let them know you can’t see them anymore and stop all forms of communication with them including following them on social media because this would help you to stay away from their memories and focus on healing. You could do this over a text message, phone call or even when you are meeting them in person, depending on your preference. Most situationships don’t deserve a lot of consideration when you need to end it because they weren’t serious in the first place.
Why is it so hard to end a situationship?
In situationships, there is a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where each person stands, unless you ask for clarification. It is hard to end a situationship because you are refraining from seeking clarity which could actually answer your confusion but also may end your obsession towards this situationship, but you secretly don’t want to end it.
How long should a situationship last?
It could last from a few weeks to a few months, and this largely depends on how two people are fulfilling some needs of each other. If one person wants sexual intimacy and the other person does not want it, there is literally no reason why the connection between two people would work anymore because a fragile situationship usually hinges upon one or two needs of people and nothing more than that.
How do you end a Situationship over text?
“Hey, I genuinely enjoyed connecting with you in the past, but I sense that we both want different things from this connection. I don’t think I can abandon my needs by keeping this dead-end connection alive anymore and I think we should both seek what we can from others”.
