Background Check For Marriage: 7 Practical Ways & When To Do It

Have you ever thought of doing a background check for marriage after dating for some time because you just want to make sure that you are dating the right person and because you have worked on intuition coaching, you have strong gut feelings to ensure that you are on the right track? 

This is true because if you’ve been in a relationship for a few months, in a 7 month relationship, you should be able to tell if the guy you’re dating is single and not living a double life.

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My Experience 

When I was on Tinder a few years ago, and when I was not smart enough to filter guys who were not serious about long-term relationships, I used to text guys asking them about their intentions on the app. This is something that I have elaborated in detail in my post on how to avoid discreet dates.

So, there was a guy I came across and initially he was silent but I thought I could initiate conversation and get to know him by asking him a little bit about what brought him to the app. After that, he started to be a little bit more open and things suddenly became very intense and he was really into meeting me the following week. It was too good to be true but something felt off and that made me want to look him up on LinkedIn. Therefore, I asked for his full name and I went on LinkedIn to see that he had a mutual friend with my friend. 

So, I asked my friend to see if she could get in touch with her friend and ask her if she knew this guy and if there was anything suspicious that I should be aware of. Needless to say, I got to know that he was a married man with kids and he was just goofing around on Tinder.

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Background Check For Marriage: Why Is It Important?

Why is a background check for marriage important and when you should actually start it? A lot of women would start believing the perception that is being sold to us when we are dating. This is how many women and dating guys who are married without even knowing that they are married.

1. You Don’t Want To Have A Pseudo-Boyfriend

So, background check for marriages is important if you do not want to end up having a pseudo-boyfriend, and what I exactly mean by this is a boyfriend that is not your boyfriend. 

Imagine dating a guy that is already seeing someone else but you have no clue about it. Or maybe, if you are dating an expat, and you have no idea about his life back in his home country and you are under the perception that this guy is single.

Are you wondering if you have a pseudo-boyfriend and thinking about doing a background check for marriage? Then, probably this is a sign that you should do it if you are starting to wonder if your boyfriend is your boyfriend or someone else’s husband.

2. You Are Not Assuming Things

Men will never disclose things to you if you do not ask them and make sure you hold them accountable for the answers that they give you. Wishy washy guys will never answer your questions directly, especially if they are married and they want to continue having an affair with you.

This is not just for guys who are married or to identify if they are single but this also applies to a lot of other aspects of life like making sure that they are not bankrupt, because in my last relationship, I got to know that I was dating someone bankrupt and I didn’t know it until money came into the picture and we were talking about buying a house.

3. You Are At Peace Even When Relationship Moving Fast But Feels Right

Usually, when a relationship is moving fast but feels right, you should be making sure that you are not assuming that it is headed in the right direction. Logically speaking, you should be making sure that you’re not being complacent just because you are head over heels for someone.

You know, when you feel that you have transitioned from being total strangers to soulmates in just a few days or probably you feel that this transition happened extremely fast that you are in disbelief, you should not take it lightly and not be at peace thinking that it will all pan out well.

I’m not saying that you should be waiting for the other shoe to drop in a relationship, that you should be making sure that you have done the due diligence and have carried out background check for marriage although you are feeling that this person is perfect for you and there is no need for you to check on this person.

Things People Forget When They Are In A Love-Struck Daze

1. That Not All People Are Safe

So, you have gone out on dates with this guy a few times and you have met his family and he has made the effort to meet your parents and suddenly you feel that he is safe and there is nothing suspicious about him.

We forget that it is because we feel extremely safe with someone that we just got to know, we tend to miss the red flags in relationships because inherently, not all people are safe. 

My friend who got to know a guy through family members was extremely disappointed to learn that she was dating a married man who had two kids but going through separation with his wife, nobody knew about this until she felt something fishy about him and decided to investigate.

2. People You Tend To Think Are Safe Are The Most Dangerous

Liars and cheaters, especially narcissists, are good at putting up a class act. If they have an agenda to cheat you or conceal the truth from you, they would pose themselves to be the perfect person that you could ever find and if you’re not careful enough, you may fall for their lies. 

You wouldn’t be bothered to do a background check for marriage because you tend to think that they are safe enough but in reality, they are the most dangerous people you could ever come across in life.

3. They Refuse To Get Their Joy Bubble Burst 

People usually refuse to do a background check for marriage because they refuse to get their Joy bubble burst. Imagine meeting a guy and falling head over heels in love with him because he seemed to be the perfect guy and you were overjoyed with the fact that you found someone you could spend the rest of your life with.

You wouldn’t want to do a background check for marriage because you’re just too afraid of finding something that would spoil your joy and your mind might even trick you into thinking that you shouldn’t be too suspicious and wait around for the other shoe to drop. However, when you are careless, that is exactly when you will miss seeing the red flags.

4. They Believe Everything That Was Portrayed

People in love, especially people who tend to get attached to others very easily, would believe everything that is being portrayed by a potential partner when they are dating. If someone tells them that they have a big house and they are running a business, they appear to be busy or talking to clients over the phone every time they date, they would believe that this person is a successful business guy.

Until and unless you validate the information given by people that you are dating, you can never be sure of the information presented.

When Should You Actually Start Doing It?

1. When You Are Getting To Know

So, when should you start doing a background check for marriage? You might be thinking that you are not even going to be getting married soon so what is the rush to be too serious? 

However, if you do not start early and ramp up the process of investigating and validating information, you might be up for surprises that you wish you had known earlier when you were dating.

2. When You Are In A Relationship

So, assuming that you did not take the background check for marriage two seriously when you were dating someone and things went smoothly and you are now in a relationship. 

Maybe you’ve gotten the chance to spend a lot of time with him in person and you think that you engage his interests and see if he is genuine enough with you. However, things like financial stability and past histories of romantic relationships as well as health updates may not be something transparent until you ask about it. Even then, a lot of people would not be upfront about things that you should know, therefore you definitely should be doing background checks when you are in a relationship.

3. Before You Get Engaged

This is a no-brainer because before you get engaged with someone you have to remember that you should have known him in and out before you are deciding to commit to him lifelong. For all you know, he could be someone with a criminal record and you may not even know about it until you investigate further. 

This is especially true if you both do not have mutual friends and if this person comes from a different city and that would make things a little harder because you need to rely on your gut instincts and go all your way out to find out information about him.

What To Investigate?

1. Medical History

Does he have a bad medical history, diseases like high blood pressure and diabetes, or even sexually transmitted diseases honestly you never know or doubt if he would have diseases until you get him checked. Some people would go for a thorough medical checkup, or prenuptial medical assessment so that they know if they are carrying genetically transferred diseases like Thalassemia.

2. Crime Records

How would you ever know if someone has a criminal record or not? This can be a little bit tricky to go about especially if someone you’re dating has been involved in criminal activities but not something that is very severe. 

This is where personal investigators come into the picture because they will be able to go about doing investigations in a professional manner so that you would be presented with the information you should know before even deciding if you would want to be together with this person.

Many people actually overlook this crucial information because they think that it is too much work and it complicates things until something really bad happens and when they find out that they have been cheated.

3. Financial Standings

I cannot emphasize this enough because financial standing is really important and a lot of people do not talk about financial standings before they get engaged. They assume that they are on the same page and probably maybe even asking about financial standing can be something really sensitive so people do not want to come off as rude and selfish.

Until you start asking about finance and you disclose yours to them, you will be surprised about many things that you have not known about your partner when it comes to money.

4. If He Is Actually Married

I know that you are probably thinking if you are dating him and he has been spending a lot of time with you, how the heck could he even be married? Right?

Well, a lot of people especially those who are working outside of their hometown or probably if they are an expatriate at your place, you have no idea about their friends and family back in their hometown. Men can easily hide the truth about being married because they do not show signs of having children before and they usually are not the primary caregiver for kids. 

I’ve come across many men who don’t even tell you that they are divorced until you ask them about it.

5. If He Is Working

Is he working? Is he getting money from the job that he claims to be doing? Is he an employee of the company he claims to be working for? 

I know this can seem very intense but really, you should be careful about things that people tell you because there are chances for them to falsify details because they know you are not going to be verifying them.

7 Practical Ways To Do Background Check For Marriage

1. Using Private Investigators

Private investigators have been around for quite some time, but probably this is a business that not many people would seek because if you have never encountered the need to investigate someone, you may not even think that this is an option available for you.

A simple Google search to find private investigators nearby would open up endless possibilities for you to engage a professional private investigator who would be discreet about their job.

Just be sure to ask them how they work and the evidence that they would give you so that you actually would not end up getting over-exaggerated information about this person that you are investigating.

2. Use Your Mutual Social Network (Wisely)

Another way to investigate someone is actually to use your mutual social network wisely. You actually wouldn’t want to ask someone who is the best friend of the person you want to investigate. This is because you would run the risk of being exposed and also you may not get unbiased information about him.

This makes investigation on your own harder because you may not have a lot of mutual friends to begin with. 

Furthermore, there would be no use if you were to ask someone who does not know about someone personally. If you ask the neighbor of the person that you are dating, you probably will just get vague information like “he is a nice guy, he smiles at me whenever he sees me”.

3. Social Media and Social Presence

One way people try to identify if they have a mutual connection with the person that they are dating is through social media presence. I do this all the time when I am getting in touch with someone new because I want to see if they have a social presence and how they portray themselves on social media.

This is not to judge them prematurely but this is to make sure that I do have some level of information about them before I could conclude this person. LinkedIn is also another excellent way to identify falsified information and to see if someone is legit and genuine.

4. Their Employment History

Where have they worked before? If you think that there could be a few people who could let you know about this guy from the place where he had worked before, that would be an excellent piece of information for you to validate this person and the information he has been giving you. 

You may not exactly have mutual friends on social media but probably you may have mutual friends at your workplace and this is how you can further track down mutual connections not just by basing on social media connections.

5. Legal and Financial Documentation

Legal and financial documents will be able to reveal information about someone. This is especially true if he has a business because you can always look up this business on the business directory of the country that you reside in. Retrieving information like this may involve some level of financial investment but this is nothing compared to the peace of mind that you would get out of it. 

In Singapore, you can even use your Singpass to retrieve marital information about another citizen. This really depends on the database that a country has with regards to its citizens and therefore may vary from one country to another or even from one state to another state.

6. Medical Records

Medical records will be able to tell you a lot of things about someone’s basic health updates and you can start talking about it to your partner by saying that you go for a medical check-up every year and you could ask if they do the same.

7. Credit Report 

If you are having loans with banks, it will appear on your credit report. Independent credit report companies will be able to pull out information about someone’s credit health and usually, this information is widely available in countries that have regulations about people’s credit reports.

FAQs

How do I verify someone for marriage?

• Verification of family background
• Verification of financial standing
• Verification of social status and reputation
• Information regarding employment or business
• Detailed report on their activities
• Education history
• History of past marriages (if any)

Why is it important to investigate the background of your spouse before marriage?

The eligibility for marriage should be verified to determine its legitimacy. Beyond these critical factors, a pre-matrimonial background check can reveal other issues such as false identities and addictive behaviors of the partners.

What is a background check for a future spouse?

Identity Verification: Including any aliases or known as (AKAs).

Criminal Records: Checking if the individual has been charged with or convicted of a crime, or has a history of illegal activities.

What is a family background check?

Family reference checks provide an extra level of security by not only highlighting specific incidents or warning signs but also revealing behavioral patterns that might not be apparent from professional references and criminal background checks.