Slow Burn Vs Spark: 3 Effective Ways To Tell Them Apart

Slow burn vs spark: how to tell the differences? So, you are here because you have read online that a relationship should be embracing slow burn and one should not be too excited about the sparks they get when meeting someone new.

“But I need to have the spark in order to be connected with someone.”

I can read your mind and I get it! We all want to go out with someone that we are attracted to. So, how do I tone down the delulu and form a balance between the spark and the slow burn? Is it really bad to have that spark when you meet someone new?

Slow burn vs spark – let’s understand how it can be bad or good for you.

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I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.

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My Experience

I used to be obsessed with the “spark” when I met someone because if they could feel the spark with me, it meant that they had the love intention to pursue me for a long-term relationship.

The problem is, when I feel the spark with someone, I used to think that this could be the person and finally my dating efforts are going to be fruitful and I will start fantasizing things about being together and things like that even before I get to know him.

So, feeling the spark or the initial attraction is not the exact problem because we all need to be attracted to someone to get things going. After all, it is impossible to be in a relationship with a person that you’re not attracted to. 

But attraction is just the surface level of getting to know someone and it means that you have got to dig further. What we fail to do is to identify the red flags that appear in the connection because the sparks seem to be exciting and cloud our judgment.

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Slow Burn Vs Spark: 3 Ways To Differentiate Them

  1. You’re Not Managing The Delulu

This could be an unpopular opinion but it’s okay to have the sparks and it is okay to have the excitement and the butterflies in the stomach. You should be excited about someone. However, the problem starts when you’re not managing your delulu.

If you’re not ready for disappointment, you will be really down when things do not go well between the both of you. If you start getting to know someone by understanding the fact that this could very well go in a positive direction this could also let you down. You need to be in a neutral state of mind because you are still evaluating this person. 

So, when you are allowing things to burn slowly, you would manage your delulu better because you wouldn’t want to get attached to someone too fast. It means that “yes, I am attracted to this person but I’m also aware of his red flags and I am weighing the pros and cons of being in a relationship with him.” 

It means that you are following your heart but still bringing your brain along with you.

  1. You Don’t Judge Too Fast

If you completely want to have the sparks and do not date someone that you do not have a physical attraction with, it is a sign that you are not having a healthy attachment style.

You judge people too fast when you are looking for the spark because you think that if you are not attracted immediately, the attraction will not form later when you’re getting to know them. So it’s basically falling in love at first sight sort of a thing. 

However, if you are allowing things to burn slowly, you would be open to someone that you are attracted to at least 50/50 because you still think that they have the potential to be a nice partner for you and you do not want to miss out on it. 

This is because you understand that it takes time for attraction to be formed and you are in the explorer mode because you want to explore who people are rather than judging them based on what you think they are.

If a guy already likes you, there are signs he likes you but is playing it cool. He may not be showing it very obviously, especially if you’re at a workplace where professionalism is required to be maintained.

  1. Love-Bombing Behaviors

One of the clear indications that this is a spark and not a slow burn is the fact that people love-bomb you, or you love-bomb them. I have come across a guy who was really into me and because he was having some sort of minor physical disability, and also he was insecure himself, he was love bombing me on the first date and that was really uncomfortable.

This is because I barely knew him. So, if you come across people like this, that is a result of people giving importance to the spark rather than trying to see if two people are compatible.

In slow-burn connections, two people are attracted to each other, they keep their excitement low and they do not attach themselves to the emotions too fast. They are grounded.

People giving importance to spark would also be vulnerable and open with their emotions because emotional dumping is something that they are doing without them knowing it.


Is a slow-burn relationship good?

Slow burn builds the foundation of connection As two people take time to get to know each other and see if they are compatible before they decide to let their feelings grow. Therefore, it is good because you would not be clouded by mere physical attraction. Sparks refers to the intense feeling when seeing someone for the first time often brought about by physical attraction, which can be misleading.

How many dates until you feel a spark?

In slow-burn dating, you should ideally expect to feel a spark around five to six dates,  because by now you would have gotten to know the person well enough to decide if you like them or not.

What does spark mean in dating?

Spark in dating refers to love, infatuation, excitement, and intensity, which is usually brought about by physical attraction and being attracted to the Illusion of who a person is as opposed to who they are in real life.

How long does the spark last in a relationship?

In the honeymoon phase, a couple can expect the spark to last for 6 months to 24 months.  After two years, usually, couples will start to feel bored with one another because they have gotten used to each other.

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