Are you confused about red flags and green flags in relationships? Have you ever not heard of these terms before and just wondered what the heck they really are? You have come to the right place as we are going to discuss what replaced and green flags in relationships are and what are actually some of the lesser-known myths about these flags. What do these flags indicate and should we actually be so stringent and rigid about identifying toxic behaviors in relationships by these blanket statements?
Let’s jump into the topic straight without further ado.
I’m Jasveena and I have been blogging since 2013, documenting my experience as well as helpful professional resources and tips I found online in seeking meaningful relationships and connections, and I am here to share them with you so that you are not alone in cruising through this journey called life that may seem like a lonely path.
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My Experience
Red flags and green flags in relationships were something that I discovered when I newly started dating and when I was reading a lot of articles about relationship dynamics and, you know, about feminine and masculine and energy. These terms are commonly used in the dating scene where coaches will tell you a lot about red flags and how to identify them in order to leave a toxic relationship even before it starts.
I think some of the very common red flags that are genuinely valid rate flags are love bombing then ghosting, stringing people along with the wrong intention, not rescheduling dates, and overly s**ting even before a real intimacy is formed.
However, sometimes green flags can actually seem like you are talking to a great person until the mask falls off. I went on a date twice with a guy who seemed like a green flag but later I got to know that he was actually a wishy washy guy and even went to the extent of introducing me to his mother but as a friend. Can you see how a person who was texting me and making plans to meet me every single day can actually turn out to be a very flaky person?
On the other hand, we have also heard of many stories where couples met and got married within a week and they live happily ever after. Therefore, I would say the best intuition coaching is the gut feelings that you have and your own experience. You need to go on a lot of dates and you need to fail miserably in dating in order to really listen to your intuition and gut feelings because gut feelings can be really subtle and sometimes we doubt our gut feelings and we think that we are overthinking, we are being judgmental and we often seek for external validation for what we feel. We often go to our friends to ask for advice when we actually already know what to do deep inside.
To me, while red flags and green flags in relationships are actually good parameters to gauge if you are headed in the right direction in dating, you need to proceed with caution because not all situations are black and white, and not all dating rules will apply to you all the time.
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What Are Red Flags and Green Flags In Relationships?
What are the green flags in relationships? If someone is calm and composed with you, making an initiative to get to know you consistently every day, they are making plans to meet you in person, they do not love bomb you, they are not future faking, then you know it’s a safe person to date.
What are the red flags in relationships? If they are pushing to get you to meet them immediately after matching with them on a dating app, if they are initiating sexual conversation very early on, if they are telling you that they want a relationship but act as if they are just looking for hookups, if they do not reply your messages within a timely fashion, if they ghost you after a few days – these are all anxiety-inducing behaviors and these are signs that you need to drop the idea of dating them.
Generally, red flags and green flags in relationships actually refer to behaviors of a person when you are dating that create a safe and secure feeling within you or an alarming signal that you’re dating the wrong person. The concept is to actually save people from further dating the wrong person and also ending up in a relationship with them after which separating from them will become even more difficult.
How To Identify Red Flags When Dating?
- Love Bombing Then Ghosting Behaviours
What is love bombing then ghosting? When you have just newly connected with someone, if they tend to flood your DM with a lot of lovey-dovey messages and praise you without really knowing who you are, making you feel like you are a prize that they have won and you generally feel good about yourself, and then the abruptly stop texting you a lot – it is said that they have love bombed you.
People do this to create a false sense of intimacy and to hook you in early in the dating phase so that you don’t see their red flags. Then, when they withdraw themselves from you, you will sense a loss and will start chasing after them because you felt good with the love-bombing behaviors that made you think you’re close to them emotionally.
Read my post on how to deal with flaky guys – my effective ways
- Demanding Your Time and Attention
Have you come across people who are overly demanding of your time and attention? As soon as you matched with them on a dating app, they would expect you to reply to them instantly, or maybe they would even double-text you because they are impatient to receive your messages and they would ask you out for a date immediately.
Why it is true that you shouldn’t be staying on the apps for a long time in order to get to know someone because this also creates a false sense of perception towards someone that you have not met, rushing into meeting people right after you matched with them on an app is equivalent to going on a blind date. Furthermore, if you are not exclusively dating them yet, you have all the freedom to date others at the same time and therefore this person should not be demanding your time and attention more.
- Lying About Personal Insensitive Details (Like Age)
I don’t know why men do this all the time on dating apps but this is prevalent on the apps as I’ve come across so many of them who lie about their age. This is potentially to match with younger girls maybe because men who are in their 60s probably fake the age when registering for dating a profile by saying that they are 10 years younger and then we’ll put up a disclaimer on the dating app by saying that they are actually 10 years older and some even say that they actually look much younger and therefore they deserve to date younger girls.
This is definitely a red flag for a lot of women because men overestimate themselves and they think that the good get younger women just because they think they are still good looking are probably they think that they have money and women will go after them.
- Not Dating With Intention
If you are a woman reading this and you have been on dating apps, you probably would have come across a lot of men who are not dating with intention. How many of them actually state that they are looking for a relationship only to let you know that they are into a short-term relationship after you have spent a couple of days talking to them?
There are so many people out there not dating intentionally and they are just there to kill time or probably cheat on their spouses. People who do not make their intentions explicit on dating apps are definitely a red flag.
- Looking For Friends On Dating Apps
Tumi, people who are on dating apps looking for friends are definitely a red flag because even apps like Bumble I have another platform or category where you can sign up to look for a BFF instead of looking for a date. So, when you are newly setting up your Bumble account, you will be given the option to either choose to use Bumble to find romantic dates or to find a BFF.
So, if you see people on Bumble romantic dates category and they say that they are looking for friends, honestly, what are they actually looking for? Are they actually afraid of admitting the fact that they are looking for something casual? This is definitely a great flag because people like this would waste your time and energy.
What About Yellow and Beige Flags, and Problems With The Labels?
Now, on top of the red and green flags, we have yellow and beige flags. Sometimes I do wonder why we have a lot of colors in these flags but I do get that yellow flags actually refer to alarming behavior that you notice in a potential date but they may not necessarily mean that you need to cut them off immediately. It ultimately means that you need to proceed with caution and you need to remember to assess this yellow flag that you know this in a person.
Yellow flags simply could mean slight discomfort that you encounter when you are talking to a person. Maybe they are not great texters, and they are silent on the app, maybe they have not initiated a date yet, or maybe they have not rescheduled a date. Some people think that if someone simply texts you with a hi and hello and how are you, it means that they are not really invested in getting to know you. This may be a yellow flag that you want to take note of because if this pattern continues and the conversation seems dry, then you may need to call it off.
Yellow flags simply tell you to wait and see.
Now, what are beige flags in relationships? Beige flags could be less alarming dating icks. The term was introduced by a TikTok user in 2022, Caitlin MacPhail to identify a boring person on dating apps. It could be things like posting only selfies on apps, using short forms when texting, overly using certain emojis, and other traits that may be off-putting but not necessarily strong enough to end dating someone.
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Red Flags And Green Flags In Relationships: 5 Lesser Known Myths You Need To Know!
- People Are Either Red and Green Flag
Everyone has red flags and green flags in relationships. They often tend to think that people are either a red flag or a green flag. However, what we fail to realize is that each of us has our own green and red flags. It is impossible to find someone with only green flags or maybe good traits. Someone can be a great employee, a great businessman, or a great father but may also have trouble staying loyal to the spouse.
So, for the kids, the father can be a great person, however, this same person is a red flag for his spouse. Whereas, some others can be terrible when it comes to work ethics but they are kind towards their spouses and do not emotionally abuse them.
- Everyone Will Have A Set of Specific Red and Green Flags
Red and green flags in people change as they get old. It is actually a myth to think that someone that you meet today will have the same specific red or green flags in them 20 years down the road. Have you seen older couples complaining about each other, especially how their spouses have changed from the time they met them first?
For instance, a hardworking husband who helps his wife with chores may not do them 20 years down the road when they are much older and crankier.
- Red Flags Cannot Improve
While it may be true that someone who’s bad with their finances can be a red flag to you if you are very careful with your money, red flags are not inherently bad all the time because red flags can improve over time if someone is willing to improve themselves.
If someone is being rude to you, and you have communicated this to them to make them understand that you do not like to be treated that way come out and if they are willing to change their behavior to become a better person, then that is assigned that you have met someone who is willing to work on themselves in order to positively contribute to its a relationship.
- Red Flags Are Always Glaringly Obvious
Another myth that people always believe in is that red flags are always glaringly obvious. I was dating someone who was very consistent in communication and even made a lot of plans to meet me and even introduce me to his mother and when I asked him what are you gonna introduce me to your mother, the answer was as a friend! He was trying to do all the right things and say the right things so that I would feel comfortable and believe that we were headed towards a relationship when he was later on giving me a lot of mixed signals like this.
So, red flags are not necessarily very obvious and not the ones that you could identify in one date. Most of the time, red flags can be really subtle and you need to use your intuition in order to identify them.
- Green Flags Indicate You Found The One And A Perfect Relationship
Likewise, green flags also do not indicate that you have found the one and you’re gonna have a perfect relationship. This is because green flags may not exactly be green flags until and unless you have been with them for quite some time in order to ascertain them. Even if they are great human beings and they are compatible with you on many levels, you will still run into issues in your relationship and that would be a time where you would question your decision to be with them.
This is a mistake a lot of people make, especially when dating because they think that a few positive traits that they see in a person actually mean that they are going to be a fantastic person in a relationship. People then start daydreaming about this person and fantasizing about traits that are not even there in them.
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FAQs
What is the difference between a red flag and a green flag?
Red flags are signs that you should not proceed with a relationship as the person that you are dating can be problematic and can have a mismatch with you in terms of compatibility. However, green flags actually indicate that you are with a safe person and you can be yourself and feel emotionally safe with a person and build a healthy relationship with this person.
What are red and green flags?
Red flags essentially refer to signs that you should stop dating someone and green flags point to the science that you are in a safe connection with someone and you can proceed to form a relationship with someone. Red and green flags are actually created to help people identify compatibility between two people early on in the dating phase in order to avoid people wasting too much time on the wrong person.
What is the red flag in relationships?
Examples of red flags in relationships are love bombing, ghosting behavior, leaving people on seen and taking forever to respond to text messages or phone calls, abusive behaviors, manipulation, and passing on negative comments about a partner excessively.
What are green flags to look for when dating?
One of the major green flags that you can notice in someone that you’re dating is the fact that they respect your boundaries and do not pressure you to carry out activities that you’re not comfortable with. They always check in with you to see if the date plans are something that you’re comfortable with and they do not pressure you to move the conversation of dating apps abruptly as soon as the both of you have matched on dating apps.
